Why do people say “you used to be able to do it in the past”, “you need to work with your social workers”, “you have to try harder”, “you have to fight” when in fact that’s ALL I’ve been doing. Why do people f*****g think this is how I want to live. That I chose this. The past defines who I am now. Yet disregard that but tell me I was once able to do things. I’m so sick and tired. Mental health industry is greedy. Insurance is greedy. Yet other conditions are covered. I’m getting told “screw you” from left and right, nothing is affordable as they claim and the only thing I can get is a bandaid for my symptoms. And they say I need to keep living to keep suffering. This world is B******t!!! Try self ERP? I’ve done it. I’ve been trying but there are lots of questions because it’s not a cookie cutter!

Sounds like things are pretty tough right now. But we have to focus on the things you can control. Let’s start with your BIG accomplishment. ? You Freaking LEFT THE HOUSE ???. You have tried to do something to better yourself each day. Self ERP can be done but it is tough. I really enjoy the podcasts/ IG by Kimberly Quinlan and OCD Stories. I also highly recommend Ali Greymond. I would make sure that you surround yourself with supportive media.

I care. Dont let your brain lie to you. Be strong girl the bad days wont last. They are bad days not a bad life. Look up microdosing for anxiety and depression. You got this girl! You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I have other anxiety and depression and ptsd. I left my place on Saturday for the first time in four months and what happens? I get groped!! I’m so tired! I can’t win always losing. No one cares and the only person that cares I’ve ruined his life.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I haven’t slept well last night. I’m feeling dizziness, lightheaded, just tired with everything. My eyes are heavy too. I’m supposed to go to the hospital because I’m homeless now but my friend who’s supposed to help me get there is sick. I’ve asked my friends if there’s any way I can work from home and was greeted with “you need to get a job like rest of society”. I’ve been denied for loans and help from left and right. But I guess I’m not trying hard enough. And that I should just let go. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I tried self erp yesterday and I’m so exhausted for days after. I can’t even sell my stuff because they’re in storage in auction status. I’ve already lost my parents stuff that I couldn’t sort through. And now I’m slowly waving good bye to my art and other important things I’ve worked so hard for. But that’s America right? Flawed health care system where they do r treat you unless you have money and you can just go say good bye to everything because of the illness that you didn’t ask for. And it’s not even fatal so you get to live out many more years, decades even and just live in misery. ERP is definitely the stitches I need. The “bandaid” are like talk therapy and other useless if not make worse type therapies. What I don’t understand is if I can just get the residential I can get so much better and work sooner instead of having to rely on the little amount I get from ssi for how ever long it’ll take for me to get better on my own. There is a PhD that once accepted insurance who practices ERP too. And the specialist I was seeing before, despite increased hours from insurance said no because they don’t normally take insurance and because I need residential. Even the in network said he can see me once a week 45mibs session which is better than nothing but they didn’t want to take me In. I can’t even apply for financial assistance until I pay upfront for one month and receive treatment.

@La Pink. You’ve been so wonderful to me. Thank you. I just don’t know how to reach out to him for help. I don’t know how to let him in. I have trust issues. I’m scared to get close to people. I did with my ex and now I can’t get over him and the fact that we are no longer together. He did things that upset me but there’s a bigger issue of missing him. I get really angry and hurt when I think how my sister is so sheltered and has lived with my parents and has an easier life and her to tell me she doesn’t care about me and my health. I didn’t tell her exactly what because she’s very judgmental.

How do you let go of your fear when it’s based on truth?

I’m a bit confused. So Jesus is God? Because you said God sent his son but a God died for us. But in a sense that Jesus is God’s son and a part of him I can see a part of God has died for our sins. When you say that God sacrifices his son so his children (us) could live forever, you mean spiritually? Because physically we die. But here’s what I don’t understand. How can he sacrifice his own son for his children that betrayed him? Because God created us? So then how come God didn’t just have one of his children (us) sacrifice or better yet show people (his children-us) how to earn forgiveness? Do you think God gave his children an easy way out and people became entitled? I mean not everyone. So people who are affected by illnesses are people who committed crimes and therefore we are paying for it? But then what about people like Hitler? This whole spiritual world is so confusing. I want to believe in God but God can’t interfere with people’s decisions. I have many SD cards that have a lot of embarrassing pictures and videos majority being me doing my compulsions...naked. I should’ve been more careful like not buying more, deleting, keeping them safe but at the time it didn’t cross my mind. What if I drop them or lose them and are picked up by a really mean person and upload it onto the internet for the world to see? I know my ocd anxiety started this-I took photos and videos to make sure I checked correctly or cleaned correctly-and because of that I have new worries. Sure right now no one knows me I’m insignificant but I have a dream to be big and successful with my designs and businesses. Maybe I won’t become successful but when I do it may come back to haunt me. It happens a lot to celebrities where their exes embarrasses them.

I personally don’t want the attention but it would help when I need to network with people and to save animals. I’m also curious why people who accept God still have a troubled life. Is Jesus our sibling then? What confuses me is that I understand how we came to be(Adam and Eve) but then what about evolution. It says apes are our ancestors. But then where did the apes and other animals come from? Who created this planet, water, air, planets, space...there’s just so much science can prove but I believe in God or a higher being that created all this. I guess I’m scared to be let down again if I believe in something. I tell people when they lose their beloved pets that God really missed them and wanted them back beside him. They’ve gone home and playing in the flower garden. But then when I think about my beloved pets that passed away I just have anger. I get angry about why I was dealt this card. And if God wants us to be happy, and Heaven is a happy place then why is living on earth in misery something that I should experience?