I remember the exact night my brain turned on me last year and it’s just been downhill ever since. I just don’t understand why I’ve gone all my life so far without OCD and it just hit me out of nowhere at 25.. i guess everyone is different.. but I just don’t know what to do now. I’m terrified to try meds. Therapy is expensive. I just feel so lost.

I hate the way ocd has completely messed up my brain, I struggle to tell the difference between an intrusive though and a regular one, I have really bad issues with morality and I feel as if my brain can no longer tell what is and isn't right and I can't tell if I'm over reacting about situations and I end up feeling stuck in a loop of wondering if I'm a bad person and trying to look at a situation rationally and not knowing if that's even possible with the state of my mind, I feel like none of my thoughts are actually mine. I hate it and I wish I could feel in control of my thoughts even for just a day, just to know what it's like. I've had ocd symptoms since I was about 9-10 so i feel like I've never really know a life without it. I just wish I could live out my teenage years like anyone else my age. I can hardly engage with my hobbies and passions and I don't know what to do about it. I can't go to therapy or get medication because I'm not even diagnosed, I just feel trapped. I'm only a teenager, like I said, I don't want to live my entire life like this.

this is probably kinda jumbled but over the past almost year or so i've slowly realized i have ocd (i'm diagnosed audhd but over time i started feeling like those alone didn't cover the whole issue yk?), and recently i've been kinda worried i guess. it’s just that i’m turning 21 in 6 months and i’m afraid that this disorder is going to rob me of joyful adult milestones in my life. honestly being 20 has sucked, i can’t even remember wtf being 18 was like, and my childhood in general wasn't the best either, but i've been struggling a lot as of late and i don't want how i feel now to be the same as how i feel next year. my meds have helped quiet my compulsions a significant amount (i literally felt like i was going kinda cray cray when i was off them 😭) but they’re not completely gone. sometimes it just seems like this is all it's ever gonna be forever and i’m always gonna feel ashamed of myself for just like… existing. my 21 year old self deserves to be happy but idk if i’ll be able to give that to her 🥲🥲🥲

Hi! I have just recently been diagnosed with OCD and it’s come as kind of a shocker to me. My friends aren’t that surprised (most of them are psych majors lol) but my parents/family are very skeptical and have been telling me that it’s just anxiety. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and severe depression when I was 14. I’ve had hydroxyzine NPR since then and I’ve tried lexapro and propanalyl (both made me feel like i was going crazy) and then was misdiagnosed as having bipolar 1 (hypomania). I finally have found a therapist that specializes in OCD and we did the assessment and concluded that my anxiety/depression has stemmed from it. Most likely I have experienced my OCD symptoms since I was 11 (when my anxiety first appeared) and I am now 21. I mostly have obsessions, but I do have a few compulsions. Most of them relate to my personal space or social settings. I have a good amount of driving anxiety as well and I have a set route for every single place that I drive to regularly. I have a set morning routine that I am only comfortable with being disturbed when I have had ample time to prepare myself for a change. This new diagnosis and learning what it is and what the different types are has kind of uprooted my social life and drastically decreased my mental health. I guess I’m here to try to find some balance and some people who actually understand what it’s like to feel like there’s something wrong with your brain and no way to “fix” it. I’ve tried talking to my friends/bf/family and none of them truly understand or could even begin to imagine what it’s like inside my head. I’m just trying to find my bearings and feel the ground under my feet, but I don’t exactly know where to start.