Ok so I’ve been kind of upset about this all day so I figured I would share this. I’m really nervous doing it because I don’t want to get judged for it. I feel so guilty about it all the time. So a couple of years ago I was babysitting a family friends kid, and they were crawling all over me, jumping up and down, and I wound up having a groinal response (I really don’t wanna say the kind.) I kind of put it in the back of my mind and forgot about it, but around last year I remembered and latched onto it and it threw me into my OCD spiral. I remembered this happened maybe two other times before that, and of course I felt weird and guilty by it. I didn’t experience any sexual arousal, yet this happened to me. I always had sexually intrusive thoughts ever since I was a little kid, so perhaps I was just having a groinal response to when that was happening because I was thinking “omg what if...” or whatever, but of course I can’t remember my thoughts. Now I know what a groinal response is and that they come in all shapes and sizes (lol) but because this happened *before* I realized I had POCD, my brain has convinced me that it was some kind of genuine attraction and that I wanted to do something bad

Hello there. First of all, you have to realize that arousal means NOTHING. I told my therapist I had arousal when holding a 2 year old girl when I was 14. This is what my false memories and the root of my pocd. When I told her this, I was crying and told her I feel terrible. She told me, “you are not horrible, arousal is a normal human physical response” Basically there is no right or wrong time to have arousal, and I think that idea is just SO hard for ocd sufferers to grasp. Initially when it happened, I thought “oh maybe my body is just saying, oh I really want a baby etc” but the truth is, arousal doesn’t mean anything. Obviously, we can make it happen on purpose, when we WANT to have sex. But arousal doesn’t stop and say “HEY ARE YOU OK WITH BEING AROUSED IN THIS MOMENT?!” Feel free to chat with me more if you want. My struggle with pocd is very real but mostly centered around false memories. I’m a few weeks into therapy and on Zoloft for about 10 weeks. I’m feeling much better than the way I was a few months ago. It has gotten better and I’m hopeful it will keep going that way. Hang in there Xxxx

Please don’t feel guilty or nervous about sharing either. We are all on the same boat on here. I still think back to that arousal and think about what if I wanted to do something etc. it haunts me but not as bad as it used to. Practice self forgiveness and please be kind to yourself

We my friend. Are in the EXACT same boat. I had some intrusive thoughts throughout my life that I kind of was just able to brush off and forget about after it, and then when my big spike hit it all came rushing back. You’re not alone. Keep fighting. Not to reassure. But we’re not pedos. Pedos don’t spend the majority of their day working about if they’re pedos. Our OCD is working against us. Accept the thoughts, and carry on with life. We’ll be okay :)

Thank you for that @letsgo. I so appreciate the words. You are right about all of it. I’m just anxious because these weren’t thoughts exactly, it was a physical reaction that happened at a time I didn’t know I had OCD

Also this arousal I experienced happened before pocd as well. My pocd onset was about 19.

I’m so glad I can help. I read your story and thought it was so similar to mine. There is always the doubt that I did something horribly wrong but I’m learning to take one day at a time and focus on recovering. I hope you can do the same

Aw yeah. I haven’t seen that on the news yet but I’ve been warned about it LOL First of all, anything related to this theme on the news or otherwise is gonna trigger you :) but it doesn’t have to, think of it as an exposure, tell ocd it can come along for a ride but it’s not gonna wreck you. Secondly I’m not going to reassure you but I’m going to “normalize” something. Secondly, s from my experience with my husband :) it’s totally normal to have an erection in sleep, whether kids are around or not. My husband always wakes up with one and if we have kids someday and they happen to be in bed with us, I doubt that will change. Thirdly, I’m can understand how your mom’s statement would upset you it probably would me too. But to quote from an article about arousal and ocd: “as a society are grossly uninformed in this area, which has made it so much harder for someone with OCD to understand what is happening to them “down there.” I’m sure your mom was speaking about pedophiles but all retrospect, arousal can occur anytime/ anywhere and around anyone and does not in any way define your values or morality in life. Additionally, ocd will ALWAYS ALWAYS try to make you think that something 1/ has meaning 2/ you can figure it out if you just think a litttleee longer about it. LIES. It’s a seductive B that’s for sure. Accept the uncertainty that YEAH it might mean something it might not but hey I’m going to go ahead and live my life the way I want to live it and not worry about trying to figure out the meaning of this because it’s a futile search. I hope this helps at all.

*speaking*

Ok I’m glad that helped. And yes just to verify, it can happen awake or asleep and the same rules apply ? Oh yeah I’m totally sure that it happens to more people. For instance my husband openly told me he had one when he was about 13 or 14 when his little cousin was sitting in his lap. He doesn’t have ocd so he’s pretty much forgot about it lol and only brought it up when I was struggling with my false memories. Wish I was could forget about things that easily!

Oh yeah it totally happened! And if we have kids and he happens to have one I’m definitely not going to think anything of it because I trust him and know he would never do anything outside of his moral standard but our bodies do stuff sometimes we don’t have control over and doesn’t mean anything.

But on a side note, I’m not certain he wouldn’t because certainty is never attainable :) but I’m confident he wouldn’t. Confidence over certainty

Glad I can help ?? I just want to help people in the way I wish i had been in the beginning. It will get better. Recovery is not linear, it’s up and down, it’s not a sprint it’s a marathon. Do you have an Instagram? One of the best things I’ve done is follow this account ocdrecoveryuk, his posts are amazing and all of his stuff on POCD is right on.

His stuff literally keeps me going lol

100 percent! This app changed my life in so many ways. Just knowing others out there feel the same way. I’m also struggling a tiny bit at the moment.

I told my therapist about this and she told me that it’s not worth obsessing over. She said that sometimes the body just reacts to certain things in certain ways, and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything like that, especially the penis because it’s so sensitive. She also said perhaps I was “excited” by getting to be all fatherly and protective when playing, and I guess that’s true too. I also reached out to some OCD specialists about this and they also told me it’s common, nothing to obsess your whole life over etc. but I can’t help from thinking about it and how it’s become such a horrible moment in my life

Sorry for this novel. Please please don’t judge me for this. I really feel so bad as it is.

Anyone else have any thoughts or input?

@halespineapple18 you have no idea what a gift you’ve given me by sharing that story. Hearing someone having gone through exactly what I went through, almost to the T, is crazy. Thank you soooo sooo so much for opening up. There’s so much I could say rn!

@halespineapple18 it really helped me a lot. I did the same thing where I thought I just wanted a baby lollll. Maybe it is why! It’s just such a scary feeling. I just carry around this fear it meant more. You’re therapist sounds wonderful

I know. I fear it meant more too but it really doesn’t. I promise. Also I’m not sure how old you are/ were but as a teenager your hormones are going crazy and arousal can happen for those reasons as well. Don’t overthink it or get lost in the details

Hiii @halespineapple18 sorry for bumping this old thread, but I was hoping we could chat about this some more. Been feeling upset about it today

Hey @figuring it all out I’m so sorry this is bothering you today. Anything specific?

Thanks! Well, yeah kinda. On the news they were discussing M. Jackson, and a news host was saying how they didn’t think he hurt any kids, but that maybe when he was in bed with them (as if that was normal but I digress) he got an erection while sleeping because that’s “mother nature taking its course.” So my mom said “what grown man gets an erection over a child.” Now, I know my mom was referring to a sexual sense and what happened to me was not sexual at all, it just happened in the moment, but it really upset me. It just made feel anxious and guilty about what happened and how my own mother wouldn’t understand this painful thing that I’m dealing with. I know that I’m kind of twisting her comment to make it about me (LOL) but I can’t help it

I had been ruminating over this lately anyway looking for “meaning” in what happened and I thought I was feeling better and now this comment kinda derailed me. I’m gonna mention it to my therapist this week but I was feeling crummy

This was reallllly helpful. Thank you SO much, you hit it all on the head. It’s so easy to just think you’ll crack the code is you spend more time thinking about it. I wasn’t sleeping when that happened to me, I was awake, but I know the same things you said applied. I love that quote! That’s one of my favorites. Jon Hershfield wrote an AMAZING one on this topic. I love what you say about how “arousal” can happen anytime anyplace for any reason and doesn’t effect morals. I’m sure if we’re being frank, this has happened to a lot more people than we know but it’s just soooooo taboo (and I do understand that. When not given context, it can sound very bad lolol.) But that’s why we have to talk to one another.

I’m really so glad you opened up about your similar experience. And that you seemed to be doing better with it! So inspiring for me. And no, I know what my mom meant by what she said, but she just worded it a way that kind of hit home.

I’m doing better but it’s been a long three years lol. Zoloft has helped a TON for me and therapy is helping.

Did that really happen? I’m honestly glad you shared that. To hear that a non-OCD fella had it happens gives me some comfort. And right!? I love how the things we kill our selves over are just blips in others lives!

And I’m so glad to hear that!!! How is Zoloft for you? I’m not on any meds but I would be open to trying. Do the thoughts or guilt “feel different” now?

It’s really helped a ton, I was on lexapro at first but I got off of it because I wasn’t enjoying sex at all and then I had my second rough relapse with ocd. So then I got on zoloft and it’s been amazing. It really doesn’t control the thoughts that much but I’m able to have more of a “who cares” attitude and I’m actually enjoying life again and not depressed or guilty like I used to be. It’s taken away a lot of the physical symptoms of anxiety I had too

That sounds wonderful! Ugh, this really made me feel so much better you have no idea. You’ve literally helped normalize my biggest, most painful moment lol

You have such a great attitude towards all of this. And yes, confidence over certainty lol

I do! I loveeeeee those posts! I’m gonna go back and look at some

Just found this thread and it really gave me positive perspective, so thank you all for posting!

Glad it could @sneek @figuringitallout how are you doing?

Glad you found this! This thread honestly saved my life. I will always be grateful for @Halespineapple18 for sharing that story and honestly changing how I saw myself. Anytime I go back into self doubt I remember this thread. I am doing ok! Last night was a little rough because I had an instrusive dream but my POCD is noooowhere near where it was this time last year

How about you @sneek? What brings you to the thread

I was searching for some relief with POCD, not the best practice but I am traveling and now traveling solo and my ocd tends to spike in new or unfamiliar environments and especially when I’m alone. Either way, it’s always really helpful to have this community of people who understand what I’m going through

I’m glad my words helped. It actually helped me to go back and read through my own past advice lol. Ive had a little spike this past week, questioning if it is really ocd and if it’s real. But remembering that I’m not alone in feeling that way helps so much. We share similar stories

I always question whether or not it’s real and if it’s coming from within my subconscious or just ocd. I think the most difficult part for me when I’m Anxious or in my head is buying into the “it’s just ocd” part

But, we all have parallel stories and symptoms and that makes me feel a little more at peace, or feel gratitude for this app and technology that allows not to suffer alone in isolation

I’m always strugglin- but it’s all temporary.

Sorry to bump this so much time later, but hoping you guys might see it and we can talk again @halespineapple18