I have harm ocd, mainly about myself. I’m really scared of trains, because of the thoughts I get surrounding trains and harm. I have to catch a train back to my hometown tomorrow for my sister’s engagement party, and I’m kinda really scared. I know I’ll be okay, but it’s just making my brain feel mushy. Just putting that out there.

I’m experiencing anticipatory anxiety related to OCD. I have an important trip in 7 weeks and travel triggers my ocd. My feelings are just a dull ache in my belly constantly, and a jittery feeling. I’m confused about the actual obsessions. I used to have harm OCD that sprung from a travel incident years ago and ever since then, travel has been very fear inducing. I get the physical symptoms then my mind starts going hard. I ruminate about whether or not the stress will cause intrusive harm thoughts which in turn causes some intrusive harm thoughts. It’s very confusing and hard. I want to be someone who enjoys traveling and experiencing new things. I want so badly to enjoy this trip. Any advice helps. Thanks.

i feel the need to say sorry because i’m posting yet again. i’m having a REALLY DIFFICULT episode of ocd that i haven’t had for a few months now. i experience contamination ocd everyday and have constant anxiety attacks, however because that’s so normal to me and doesn’t affect anyone but myself, it doesn’t affect me in the same way harm ocd does. i haven’t had to deal with really bad harm ocd thoughts for a good bit now so i’m struggling so bad right now. if anyone has seen my previous posts (which i’m sure you have), this came about over a small change that happened a couple weeks ago. it’s now blossoming into a full episode. it’s making me feel paralyzed and not want to do anything, but i know in the past i had to force myself to distract myself by actually doing things. i’m supposed to hang out with my friend tomorrow, but i’m so close to cancelling because i feel like i can’t do it. my physical symptoms are also worse than what i feel like i’m used to and it’s terrifying me into thinking i’m gonna get sick. i just don’t know how to get through it. it feels like impending doom and constant panic. i just want to feel like myself again and happy

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing