Does anyone know why hocd and rocd usually occur in that order? My hocd started bothering me and almost immediately I started doubting my relationship with my spouse? Any information would be helpful. I hope everyone has an anxiety free weekend!!

Its probably because ocd attacks the things that are most important to us. To me it all comes down to looking my boyfriend, with whom I have been for 12 years now. We got together when we were 17 and been through so much together. He is so connected to my identity, not in a codependent way as we are both our own people and have always given each other a lot of freedom and space, but if you spent your formative years with one person it is inevitable that they become part of your sense of self. And OCD attacks this sense of self and this feeling of identity. And that's why ROCD and SOOCD are often interrelated because they both undermine the feeling of security that we feel with our partners. And for me, the thing that would be so "horrible" about being a lesbian always comes down to having to end my relationship not really of coming out or of not being accepted. Thats why i am not too scared of the possibility of being bi or not straight, I don't really care as long as I am "allowed" to keep my boyfriend and continue the life I love so much.

No advice but I can totally relate. This is actually my second time dealing with hocd/rocd. It first happened when my husband and I were happily dating about 6 months and started up again after 5 years of marriage. When it starts, it’s like a switch is flipped and the intrusive thoughts begin. We typically have a happy relationship (and now two kids), but when sexuality doubts/obsessions begin so do doubts about my marriage - so much distress. I am afraid I have to leave! I will say that if you look at the content being irrelevant, you might notice that there is a core fear underneath your OCD. For me, I have a fear of loss and the related pain and sadness...which makes sense vs. the surface level fears.

I think it has much more to do with identity than a fear of losing someone as many if not all people who experience ROCD are also very codependent on their partners.

I’m sorry we’re all struggling but I would love to know what has helped you. I am in ERP and so far, my thoughts are louder than ever. I’m really trying to not do compulsions but sitting with the uncertainty is so uncomfortable and horrible. How do you all respond to your thoughts? I feel like I bounce around trying different responses where it’s probably better to be consistent.

i think it usually happens when you’re in a relationship when you already have hocd. we’re constantly are overthinking and over analyzing our thoughts and actions and doubting the sexuality we’ve always been and so if we’re dating someone or like being romantic with the gender we prefer while having hocd, we doubt our relationships with our hocd feelings. like thinking we’re not into our partner bc we must be this sexuality and so and so.

I had rocd first then it switched to hocd :/

Mine goes back and forth, and I've narrowed it down to the one fear that I have, which is losing my boyfriend or hurting him. So, when HOCD acts up, I know if I were gay, I'd have to leave him for a woman. When ROCD acts up, it's just that feeling of something being wrong and what if I don't love him and again, have to leave him. I think ROCD and HOCD go hand in hand because they result in the same thing of leaving your parter. Although, not everybody with HOCD is in a relationship, so this theory has flaws lol.