- Username
- fulham1975
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Its probably because ocd attacks the things that are most important to us. To me it all comes down to looking my boyfriend, with whom I have been for 12 years now. We got together when we were 17 and been through so much together. He is so connected to my identity, not in a codependent way as we are both our own people and have always given each other a lot of freedom and space, but if you spent your formative years with one person it is inevitable that they become part of your sense of self. And OCD attacks this sense of self and this feeling of identity. And that's why ROCD and SOOCD are often interrelated because they both undermine the feeling of security that we feel with our partners. And for me, the thing that would be so "horrible" about being a lesbian always comes down to having to end my relationship not really of coming out or of not being accepted. Thats why i am not too scared of the possibility of being bi or not straight, I don't really care as long as I am "allowed" to keep my boyfriend and continue the life I love so much.
That is my fear too - having to leave. My hocd doesn’t even entertain the idea of being bi (probably because I could stay), just gay. It’s terrifying.
@Warrior113 Same! I think I could accept being bi and sometimes just tell myself ok maybe you’re bi but it never works !
No advice but I can totally relate. This is actually my second time dealing with hocd/rocd. It first happened when my husband and I were happily dating about 6 months and started up again after 5 years of marriage. When it starts, it’s like a switch is flipped and the intrusive thoughts begin. We typically have a happy relationship (and now two kids), but when sexuality doubts/obsessions begin so do doubts about my marriage - so much distress. I am afraid I have to leave! I will say that if you look at the content being irrelevant, you might notice that there is a core fear underneath your OCD. For me, I have a fear of loss and the related pain and sadness...which makes sense vs. the surface level fears.
I think it has much more to do with identity than a fear of losing someone as many if not all people who experience ROCD are also very codependent on their partners.
I’m sorry we’re all struggling but I would love to know what has helped you. I am in ERP and so far, my thoughts are louder than ever. I’m really trying to not do compulsions but sitting with the uncertainty is so uncomfortable and horrible. How do you all respond to your thoughts? I feel like I bounce around trying different responses where it’s probably better to be consistent.
i think it usually happens when you’re in a relationship when you already have hocd. we’re constantly are overthinking and over analyzing our thoughts and actions and doubting the sexuality we’ve always been and so if we’re dating someone or like being romantic with the gender we prefer while having hocd, we doubt our relationships with our hocd feelings. like thinking we’re not into our partner bc we must be this sexuality and so and so.
I had rocd first then it switched to hocd :/
Mine goes back and forth, and I've narrowed it down to the one fear that I have, which is losing my boyfriend or hurting him. So, when HOCD acts up, I know if I were gay, I'd have to leave him for a woman. When ROCD acts up, it's just that feeling of something being wrong and what if I don't love him and again, have to leave him. I think ROCD and HOCD go hand in hand because they result in the same thing of leaving your parter. Although, not everybody with HOCD is in a relationship, so this theory has flaws lol.
Totally relate! I think for single people it’s about a loss of identity or loss of a future you envision...as that all gets flipped on it’s head with hocd.
Yes I got ROCD, didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, ended up leaving my partner, and then it turned into HOCD/TOCD. Such a nightmare. It is the same pattern. I feel like I HAVE to do this or that for the thoughts to go away..so I give in (ie break up with my partner) and it just manifests in worse and worse ways.
@Warrior113 Yes , even if you aren't single it's still like a loss of a future you envisioned WITH someone else if it's ROCD. I completely agree.
Does anyone with ROCD, POCD and Sexual Orientation OCD (HOCD) ever fear they will never be in a stable marriage or a relationship in general due to their fears or because their OCD may ruin it? My biggest fear is that I will never be in a stable, committed or a normal relationship due to this horrible disorder.
I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?
HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?
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