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- 4y
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- 4y
I don‘t because i don‘t want him to misunderstand and think that i have actual doubts
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- 4y
Same!!
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- 4y
Good questions. For me, I was overly focused on how I was feeling. Like “Oh no, why don’t I feel attracted to her right now? Does that mean we aren’t meant to be together?” Even though I was really attracted the day before. But when I was constantly checking my ‘feelings’ it drove out the possibility of actually having feelings: because I wasn’t present in that moment. I can be a torturous experience because it’s only because I love her so much that the situation felt so important. My brother helped me out some by giving me this advice: focus on the overall relationship over time; the bigger picture. A great relationship has off days but instead focus on how much you value that person and the relationship over a longer period of time. By God’s grace, since we’ve been married I haven’t really had those thoughts basically at all (3 years). But they amplified in engagement, I will say. Don’t take that as advice that this is necessarily the right person for you; all I’m saying is don’t let ROCD rule someone out for the wrong reason.
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This is a really good answer thank you. Xx
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- 4y
This is exactly how my ocd has effected me. I have a perfectionist way of looking at my feelings and if I don’t feel head over heels and constantly feel doubt and it really pulls me from the moment. I’m so happy this has worked out for you and I’m definately going to take this advice particularly because your situation sounds so similar to mine
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@wegotthis Same for me! If we even bicker over something dumb like most couples, I think it’s the end of the world
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- 4y
It might depend on the situation, but my therapist advised me to not share most of that with my girlfriend (at the time, we’re happily married now). I could be confusing and hurtful, and the thoughts aren’t really your thoughts, it’s just OCD, so sharing that paints a false picture of your feeling towards them. I’d say be careful. If he is helping you with exposure therapy then maybe, but it could be hurtful for him. Maybe if it’s getting really hard, just a general mention that you are going through some OCD stuff but that you’re going to get through it. Sometimes just sharing that I’m struggling with OCD in a general sense helps. The details shouldn’t be shared probably, won’t benefit either of you long term I think.
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Can i ask a personal question? X
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@mollyyy Sure, I think I’m pretty anonymous on here.
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@anonocd With your ROCD did you fear you'd lost feelings for her or worry she wasn't into you? Also how long did these periods last for and how did you get through it?
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@mollyyy Oops accidentally answered on a new thread
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This is what I expected to be said and probably what is honestly best for my situation. For awhile I’ve been keeping things inside when it comes to my thoughts because I know it’s ocd but they have definately snowballed and it’s effected my relationship and my own mental health. I decided to let him in and thought maybe a good way to approach the problem was the refrain from diving into my thoughts internally and instead reach out and discuss it with him so he can help redirect me toward response prevention and just seeing things objectively. But it has definately been hurting him which has made the situation worse and honestly increased my intrusive thoughts so this is something I probably should just learn to handle on my own.
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- 4y
Hi!!! My compulsions stem from the intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and I breaking up, and then I check over and over again wether or not I want to and pick up false signs around me that I do. I let him know these things, but it did put a strain on our relationship because he is also anxious. I sent him subtypes of ocd from the NOCD and it made him understand that it’s not him, but my OCD. This helped him understand how to talk to me about it too. So be honest, but try not to use him for reassurance or loop him into your thought cycles. And like people are saying above, just letting him know you are having that hard time without involving him.
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I think your right, I think I need to explain to him the way my brain is handling my thoughts and how it’s making me feel rather then telling him the thoughts themselves
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@wegotthis Exactly! Then he understands that these are intrusive not rational thoughts, even if it’s hard to do it ourselves.
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Sometimes yes and sometimes no, it's so hard because I don't look forward to anything etc too so am definitely depressed on top of rocd, which feeds my rocd because I feel nothing. I think this whole situation would be too much to understand for him x
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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- 4y
my boyfriend is super understanding of what it is so i tell him everything
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Yeah mine is too but I think it wouldn't be fair to discuss it 24/7 which is how often it affects me atm
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
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- 4y
@mollyyy discussing it with him could be reassurance seeking which is what i realized is what it is for me sometimes. so now i’m trying that if i’m not feeling my best i’ll just let him know im having a lil episode and try not to go full detail
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- 4y
@Anonymous I feel like atm it's never not happening 😪
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!
- Date posted
- 19w
For those of you in relationships with ROCD, do your partners know of your diagnosis. I am new to treatment and new to this avenue of mental health. I am generally pretty open and honest with my partner about things but the dark side of my mind I keep hidden. I’m scared to tell him about this if I’m diagnosed. And I’m scared that if I’m diagnosed and something real does go south in the relationship then my diagnosis will be used against me.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 11w
Hi all! I was wondering if anyone being treated with ROCD and/or SOOCD has some advice on how they handle the things *with* their partner. For context, my ex and I were together ~7 months before we broke up a year ago, in large part due to my severe anxiety from untreated ROCD/SOOCD. I’ve gotten a lot better through NOCD treatment and we’ve been friends since then. But we’re currently in a “situationship” kind of stage, where I think we’re both trying to figure out if the relationship is still feasible, and I’m finding that I’m a lot more triggered as the relationship nears becoming “serious” again. We’re both really trying to figure out the healthiest way to handle when things get hard for me. Does anyone have input about what they’ve learned or found what has worked in their own relationships? Some specific questions: - I’ve found that when getting really triggered in my own head, I have no clue if I should explain how I’m feeling to my partner or how we should address it together. How do you differentiate between communicating versus falling into the confessing/reassurance trap? - Related to the above, my partner and I are both a bit lost on the best way for him to respond when I’m really paranoid (for examples, I have major I’m-being-cheated-on paranoia and overanalyze if I’m enjoying sex enough), or if I’m overreacting to feeling rejected/misunderstood (e.g. “he didn’t respond to my comment just now, he doesn’t care/he doesn’t get me/maybe we shouldn’t be together…”) - How much does your partner know about ROCD/SOOCD in general? How much have you shared with them about your thoughts and experiences? I’ve explained both subtypes and some of my thought processes to him, but definitely not all of it, and I’m not sure how much is helpful for him to know. Answers to any or all of the questions are very much appreciated. Thanks so much in advance! Hope you’re all well 💗
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