I feel like a horrible person. I was not a good person during the pandemic, did not follow the rules and lied a lot. I feel so so guilty about it now, I can't believe how immoral I was. and now I can't stop confessing. I confessed to some of the people I could've hurt, and they don't care/are telling me to stop feeling guilty. I keep thinking about more details I feel like I need to share, I probably seem really crazy to them because the rational part of me knows they don't care, like this was months ago at this point. I just can't stop, my entire days are consumed by this. My mom has even taken my phone so that I stop texting them because I probably seem insane. I just feel like I don't deserve friends or help or sympathy because of the immoral things I have done. I just want to be happy again, and enjoy life. I feel like I have learned a lot of lessons from this, but I still can't seem to move on.

18+ I was such a horrible boyfriend. I was friendly and flirty with other girls and I would always justify it by saying that I wasn’t cheating (which I never did). I also got super drunk during a family vacation and I don’t remember anything but I fear i may have kissed someone, even though my family has to me that I didn’t because they were with me 99% of the time. I realize however that it doesn’t take a physical act to hurt your partner. Flirting is just as bad. I don’t know why I was that way. I was always an attention seeking idiot. My guilty conscience led me to develop OCD. Now all I do is obsess over every day of my life trying to figure out if I did anything wrong so I can confess it to my partner. I wonder if I’ll ever be enough for her again. I feel so unworthy of her love. She is hurting so much and I can’t believe I caused her that pain. She tells me to let it go but I feel like she deserves to know who I was. She says she forgives me because I am no longer that person but I can fucking forgive myself. I’ve tried meditating and doing affirmations but it’s been months and I feel like I am tainted forever. I led her to believe that I was someone that I wasn’t. I told her I only had eyes for her but I still found other girls attractive and watched porn behind her back. I don’t know what to do. I don’t eat or sleep or do anything but be in my bed crying. I love her so much and I can’t believe I was such a piece of shit. I want to move forward but I don’t know how to. We’ve been together for over 5 years and I can’t believe I am just now realizing all this. I wonder if it’s too late. I’ve been an atheist for years and I’m even praying out of desperation. I hate myself

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

Last year my dad tested positive for Covid but I went to the movies with my brother a day or two after! I wasn’t gonna go but my brother wouldn’t stop asking so I caved in and went. I wore a mask and thought I wouldn’t get anyone sick. Even worse, I went to the supermarket afterwards! Only because it was a quick trip and I passed people quickly. I can’t remember if I wore a mask but I’m sure I did because I wore one at the movies. But don’t I belong in jail for being so careless? Or at the very least, shouldn’t I feel guilty everyday for the rest of my life? I’m a monster. I can’t live with myself.