- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This is some pretty heavy real event, but I relate. I know what it feels like to not be a good person for an amount of time. OCD wants you to feel guilty. It wants you to feel guilt and never let go. No matter how many people forgive you and tell you it’s okay, OCD wants you to be guilty. So to beat it, you need to relieve the guilt. You realized you did something wrong and you apologized (only need to do so once). That’s it. Now time to move forward. Moving forward involves forgiving yourself. I know it’s super hard to forgive yourself when you feel like such an immoral person, but forgiving yourself is key to moving forward. Part of learning is failing. And sometimes when we fail we do really bad shit, but we get the most important lessons from those failures. It’s okay. Any more apologizing and confessing from this point on is just a compulsion. Resist it and work on forgiving yourself and accepting yourself for who you were, are, and going to be.
- Date posted
- 4y
We are not defined by what some people may consider “wrong.” Some people are perfectly confident that wearing a mask was unnecessary, and some people felt the opposite. Who gets to decide what’s right? And don’t we all do things we think may not be 100% “right” sometimes? (For example, we all lie/leave out details of stories). Doing something someone may consider “wrong” or that you feel is “wrong” looking back at it does not make you a bad person. Stop confessing immediately, this is a compulsion. Just so you know, these are my obsessions and compulsions too so I can relate.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah I know I need to just accept what I did and just do better. Since posting this I’ve apologized and confessed to two more people that I put at risk. But there’s so many other people at risk abd I’ll never be able to apologize and confess to all of them. Also I’m starting to look insane I think
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous You don’t “need to do better” necessarily. Who is to say you even did anything wrong. Hell, I barely ever wore my mask and didn’t get the vaccine and did not maintain 6 feet distance. Sure, some people will say you did wrong, but some would people say you didn’t. That’s what you need to accept. And no more confessing!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous I’m going to try to stop. There’s other people I put at risk that I’m so tempted to confess and apologize to but I need to resist. They never even got sick ever but still
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Morality is confusing and it is impossible to say if you’ve definitively did something right or wrong. For me personally, I try to decide if I did something wrong by considering how it negatively impacts people. So yes, you put people at risk during a pandemic and it is a “bad” thing that you should stop doing but you should stop confessing too. Try to find some forgiveness AND compassion for yourself. It’s hard, but you need to. You can’t change what happened and you already apologized so many times. Don’t give OCD that guilt it wants. Let go. Sometimes we feel so much guilt because we don’t want to feel hated, I know I do. That fear of being judged and hated by others for what we did can be so overwhelming that we choose to feel guilt instead. It’s also hard to grapple with being a “bad” person. We live in a society that puts a lot of weight on morals and being a “good” person, so when we feel like a “bad” person it wrecks us. It hurts. That’s drives that guilt too. Fun fact: I go to a party university. A HUGE one. Do you know how many people didn’t wear masks, partied, went to the club, etc. A LOT. Being someone who worked at a Covid testing center, has health anxiety, and has people in her life who are very immunocompromised, it definitely made me frustrated with those people. I knew a girl who tested positive, knew she was positive, and still went to places and parties unmasked. It infuriated me actually. As much as it made me angry with those people, I wouldn’t say they are “bad” people. They’re PEOPLE who made what I personally consider a bad choice, but they are not bad themselves. It really helped me to learn to separate my actions from myself. You are not your thoughts OR actions. You are a whole being that’s wayyyyy more complex than any of that. That ability to separate actions from the self makes it easier to forgive. You did something that you now consider bad, but you yourself are not a bad person. That person deserves some self compassion.
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. I like this response. I also appreciate you saying how you feel that behavior was “bad” and acknowledge that other people may not consider that bad. I personally don’t think masks help and that’s just my opinion so I don’t consider not wearing one “bad.” It’s really all perspective.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks guys for your responses. They really help. I would wear a mask like at grocery stores and stuff, but I wouldn’t wash it regularly so I don’t know how much it would help. I’m about to write letters to more people to apologize. It’s going to seem weird but I feel like I have to. My problem is that I can’t possibly apologize to everyone and it’s killing me
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t write those letters. It’s a compulsion. That need to apologize and confess is a compulsion in this case. You have to fight against it. I know it seems hard, but you need to break the cycle.
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t confess!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Guys I’m going insane. I just sent follow ups to people with more details that feel bad about. I’m about to ruin any chance of getting job references from these people abd I don’t even care
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Stop confessing right away
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous You have to stop. I know it’s hard but you have to sit with being uncomfortable. You cannot keep doing this compulsion.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Last year I used and app to talk about my POCD and people called me a pedo and told me to kill myself. It has been months and I had even forgotten about it, but I talked about my mom yesterday and I feel a sense of doom now. Like, I could have lived my life normally, but this happened. I feel overhelmed, and don't know exactly what to do, cuz when I stop to think about it, it is something awful, but I spend months just not caring, I don't know what to do, it was not even close to the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but it still feels terrible, it keeps echoing in my mind, and It won't go away, and yes I know it is OCD, I just want to let It go. And I lied somethings to my mom cuz if I told the whole truth she would be even more heartbroken (I just didn't say what app it was and I said it was recently, and not months ago) And I feel bad, but now I can't go back, but if I told her the whole truth, she would've just broke down. Basically she thinks it was yesterday and in another app, and I told her I just commented on something. But I feel so bad! I don't want to tell the truth to her, but also, I don't know...
- Date posted
- 19w
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
- Date posted
- 15w
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
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