- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This is some pretty heavy real event, but I relate. I know what it feels like to not be a good person for an amount of time. OCD wants you to feel guilty. It wants you to feel guilt and never let go. No matter how many people forgive you and tell you it’s okay, OCD wants you to be guilty. So to beat it, you need to relieve the guilt. You realized you did something wrong and you apologized (only need to do so once). That’s it. Now time to move forward. Moving forward involves forgiving yourself. I know it’s super hard to forgive yourself when you feel like such an immoral person, but forgiving yourself is key to moving forward. Part of learning is failing. And sometimes when we fail we do really bad shit, but we get the most important lessons from those failures. It’s okay. Any more apologizing and confessing from this point on is just a compulsion. Resist it and work on forgiving yourself and accepting yourself for who you were, are, and going to be.
- Date posted
- 4y
We are not defined by what some people may consider “wrong.” Some people are perfectly confident that wearing a mask was unnecessary, and some people felt the opposite. Who gets to decide what’s right? And don’t we all do things we think may not be 100% “right” sometimes? (For example, we all lie/leave out details of stories). Doing something someone may consider “wrong” or that you feel is “wrong” looking back at it does not make you a bad person. Stop confessing immediately, this is a compulsion. Just so you know, these are my obsessions and compulsions too so I can relate.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah I know I need to just accept what I did and just do better. Since posting this I’ve apologized and confessed to two more people that I put at risk. But there’s so many other people at risk abd I’ll never be able to apologize and confess to all of them. Also I’m starting to look insane I think
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous You don’t “need to do better” necessarily. Who is to say you even did anything wrong. Hell, I barely ever wore my mask and didn’t get the vaccine and did not maintain 6 feet distance. Sure, some people will say you did wrong, but some would people say you didn’t. That’s what you need to accept. And no more confessing!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous I’m going to try to stop. There’s other people I put at risk that I’m so tempted to confess and apologize to but I need to resist. They never even got sick ever but still
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Morality is confusing and it is impossible to say if you’ve definitively did something right or wrong. For me personally, I try to decide if I did something wrong by considering how it negatively impacts people. So yes, you put people at risk during a pandemic and it is a “bad” thing that you should stop doing but you should stop confessing too. Try to find some forgiveness AND compassion for yourself. It’s hard, but you need to. You can’t change what happened and you already apologized so many times. Don’t give OCD that guilt it wants. Let go. Sometimes we feel so much guilt because we don’t want to feel hated, I know I do. That fear of being judged and hated by others for what we did can be so overwhelming that we choose to feel guilt instead. It’s also hard to grapple with being a “bad” person. We live in a society that puts a lot of weight on morals and being a “good” person, so when we feel like a “bad” person it wrecks us. It hurts. That’s drives that guilt too. Fun fact: I go to a party university. A HUGE one. Do you know how many people didn’t wear masks, partied, went to the club, etc. A LOT. Being someone who worked at a Covid testing center, has health anxiety, and has people in her life who are very immunocompromised, it definitely made me frustrated with those people. I knew a girl who tested positive, knew she was positive, and still went to places and parties unmasked. It infuriated me actually. As much as it made me angry with those people, I wouldn’t say they are “bad” people. They’re PEOPLE who made what I personally consider a bad choice, but they are not bad themselves. It really helped me to learn to separate my actions from myself. You are not your thoughts OR actions. You are a whole being that’s wayyyyy more complex than any of that. That ability to separate actions from the self makes it easier to forgive. You did something that you now consider bad, but you yourself are not a bad person. That person deserves some self compassion.
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. I like this response. I also appreciate you saying how you feel that behavior was “bad” and acknowledge that other people may not consider that bad. I personally don’t think masks help and that’s just my opinion so I don’t consider not wearing one “bad.” It’s really all perspective.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks guys for your responses. They really help. I would wear a mask like at grocery stores and stuff, but I wouldn’t wash it regularly so I don’t know how much it would help. I’m about to write letters to more people to apologize. It’s going to seem weird but I feel like I have to. My problem is that I can’t possibly apologize to everyone and it’s killing me
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t write those letters. It’s a compulsion. That need to apologize and confess is a compulsion in this case. You have to fight against it. I know it seems hard, but you need to break the cycle.
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t confess!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Guys I’m going insane. I just sent follow ups to people with more details that feel bad about. I’m about to ruin any chance of getting job references from these people abd I don’t even care
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous Stop confessing right away
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous You have to stop. I know it’s hard but you have to sit with being uncomfortable. You cannot keep doing this compulsion.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 15w
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
- Date posted
- 12w
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
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