- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
i think since you have sexual orientation ocd that your libido is very low. which is common for people with ocd/mental illness and that makes you feel no desire to have sex. also with sexual orientation ocd you are scared that you won’t enjoy sex with your boyfriend.
- Date posted
- 4y
The only problem is this was happening even before my sexual orientation theme. :/
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus hmm well i don’t want to tell you that you are another sexuality but are you experienced with sex? sometimes people who haven’t had sex might be uncomfortable since its new to them and they aren’t sure about it
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 No not at all, he’s my first partner and yeah that’s how I feel just very unsure and kind of lost and what’s supposed to happen. But I am interested in that connection with him
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Since this is your first partner, your nerves could just be frazzled from worrying about keeping things perfect on the first time. Give it some time, and it may mellow out.
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you Pink and I hope so , I don’t want to lose that connection :(
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus yeah so then it could just be you nervous since it’s your first partner and everything is still so new to you. it will probably calm down just give it time
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 I appreciate the feedback ❤️thank you so much all of you
- Date posted
- 4y
Not trying to put any new sexuality concerns on your head, but could it be asexuality? Asexual people can still enjoy sex but they just don't feel sexual attraction. Demisexuality is when you gain sexual attraction after knowing getting close enough to someone emotionally. Asexuality is a spectrum, so don't think that you have to fit it perfectly. Or it could just be a low libido your trying to push through.
- Date posted
- 4y
Maybe ? I don’t really think I’m experienced enough to know what sexual attraction is. Sex is more of an emotional thing for me, without the emotion it means nothing.
- Date posted
- 4y
If you enjoy it when you focus on him then maybe the pleasure you feel is more guided towards making him happy than your own satisfaction.
- Date posted
- 4y
Well when he’s pleasing me I don’t have to focus on it at all, it feels great and I just want him closer to me. But when it’s his turn I’m very concerned with whether or not I’m doing a good job, is he enjoying it, what if I look dumb, what if I smell bad etc. I just don’t want to have sex with anyone else or a woman
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus I should also mention that I haven’t gone all the way with my partner yet because I’m still scared of losing my virginity and ending up pregnant. We’ve also never had the right place to do things so I’m always scared I’m going to get caught or in trouble. And I’ve never been able to make myself orgasm before because I become much too sensitive
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope.0 Thank you Ope that helps, sorry I’m just panicking like crazy right now
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Take deep breaths to calm down. Don't rush into sex, give yourself time to adjust to the intimacy you already have with him.
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink We haven’t been able to be intimate in 9 months due to him joining the military, only FaceTime stuff. Before quarantine I was a little selfish but I still very much wanted and desired him and we’d always be very active though I still had those concerns about doing a good job,etc. afterward quarantine it was suddenly so difficult and different and I felt like I had just lost that side of me and since then it’s been like that. In quarantine I got really bad rocd and just so much stress/anxiety. I feel like a horrible partner
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like demisexuality, but that's not for my place to assign that label to you. That's something you have to decide on, but don't force yourself a label you aren't comfortable with. The AVEN has plenty of information on it if you're interested. When you feel worried like that, don't be afraid to ask him for feedback. If he's a good boyfriend he should make you feel safe in such a vulnerable moment. And it's ok to be more emotionally attracted than sexually.
- Date posted
- 4y
Can demisexuals still have and enjoy sex ? I do want that, I’m just scared that I’m not attracted to my partner because I don’t know how to fully let go of myself in the sexual aspect. My partner is very supportive and he always encourages me to be vocal I just don’t tell him because it seems like I’m not as sexually attracted to him as he is to me and that breaks my heart because I love all of him and I want him to feel wanted. I’m just so uninformed on all this sex stuff
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, asexuals and demisexuals can still have and enjoy sex. Some enjoy it because they like seeing their partner happy, some enjoy the experience, it's just a matter of feeling sexual attraction. And I'm glad he's good to you. Still try to tell him when you have these fears so he knows where your head is at. Communication is very important when having any sexual experience. And even if you aren't as into him sexually, that doesn't make your love any less. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things. By the way, you can be a hetero romantic asexual. That means you are asexual but still feel "straight" attraction romantically.
- Date posted
- 4y
And is it wrong if my pleasure comes from giving him pleasure and making him happy? Sorry about all these questions I just don’t know about any of this. And yes I’m going to talk to my partner and let him know so we can navigate together. I just don’t want him to think I don’t want to have sex with him or that I don’t find him attractive
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Not at all. That's perfectly fine. As long you are both enjoying each other's company. I do recommend looking into the Asexuality Visibility Network (AVEN) for more info just in case it is a genuine sexuality issue. Even if it's just the OCD, it's still ok to have a lower libido and preferring to make your partner happy. It's also normal to be nervous in your first relationship. 🙂
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you so much 💗💗💗
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, I’d rather force myself than have sex with a woman. Please I don’t want this but that just feels like denial
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like you just have a lot of anxiety around sex and that definitely affects sex drive and ability to enjoy it. Are you in therapy? In addition to erp it could be helpful talk to a therapist about the different anxieties like “am I doing it right?” “Am I enjoying it enough?” OCD sufferers are usually perfectionists and it sounds like that’s affecting your sex life.
- Date posted
- 4y
Also all these anxieties are very normal! Not just for people with ocd.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m on the verge of tears, I feel like I’m never going to enjoy sex with him and have to leave him. I don’t want this
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My boyfriend and I started dating a little over a month ago. We’ve now started discussing the next step in our relationship: intimacy. It feels quick, but we’ve known each other well over a year and we were really close friends before dating. I don’t feel ready for sex yet but we’ve started with baby steps. While kissing, my mind started to wander and he started kissing my chest (he asked first, I gave consent, and I was comfortable with him), but frankly I was bored. There were parts that were good and parts that could use some work. I didn’t tell him what felt good and what didn’t like I should have and when he asked my mind went blank. The other night he came over for dinner and we began to talk about it. He started crying and saying how he didn’t want to disappoint me. I felt so shut down because I felt like I was the one in a vulnerable situation and I was the one that wanted to talk but there I was, taking care of him. I ended up communicating what I wanted and I appreciated that he cared enough to ask and listen but at the same time he didn’t really listen because he was caught up in his own emotions. All day long I cannot get it off my mind, seriously. I looked down midway through the day to see I had dug my fingernails into the pad of my pointer finger to the point where there was a deep mark. I have felt extremely anxious and like an awful girlfriend. I do not want to have sex with him if the thought of not doing well kissing my chest upsets him to the point of tears. I just felt bad for not enjoying myself and not telling him that, but I got frustrated that he almost… victimized himself? I feel like I’m manipulating him someway and I just don’t know how. I also feel bad for not being attracted to what he was doing and I’m scared it will lead to losing all attraction. Please help, am I awful for feeling frustrated that he cried?
- Date posted
- 24w
In lack of better wording, Sometimes I really just feel like I don’t understand myself and I want to. So I can fix it. I’m looking in the mirror and I’m body dysmorphic, I want to see myself when I was younger and physically healthier but cant. I used to be on birthcontrol, and it made me gain 70lbs and I haven’t been able to feel the same about my body ever since then. Somehow since allowing my ex to semi control everything about our sexual relationship, I have developed a complexity of desired intimacy with myself constantly alone. Because I feel like I want to be in more control with how my sexual feelings affect me. I can’t get sexual gratification from my self sometimes even though, and then I turn to peopke. And then it turns to; I can’t be satisfied by anyone, and I haven’t had sex within a loving relationship for a long time. Because well I have been going through a lot recently. And most of the encounters sexually were in fact not in relationships, but I didn’t feel the satisfaction I was looking for and it just didn’t make sense. I have to have all the right emotions or else the moment gets ruined. If I don’t feel love for them, if I don’t think they are attractive, if I don’t like how they react to seeing my body, if I don’t like how they interact with me during the sexual encounters. And since this is so difficult I All together just don’t desire to have sex with anyone most times I feel mentally aroused. Speaking of just mentally aroused, it confuses me that my body will be physically aroused all the time and beg for satisfaction and it’s a cold burning sensation pleading for constant attention. I hate it. I can’t help but wonder why that exists when I haven’t been mentally aroused. But when it happens I can’t seem to satisfy it and neither can other people. And that somewhat altogether made a plethora of issues in my last relationship because my ex dealt with feelings of guilt and or resentment towards themselves for not being able to satisfy me.. and I would be crying from days on end recently in fact from trying MYSELF to release that feeling, but I’d try to the point my body grew sore. .. I hate it. Genuinely I feel disgusted and want to get help on how to stop this. It’s going to ruin the much healthier relationship I have now just gotten into down the line and I don’t think I can handle that. Not again.
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond