PinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
i think since you have sexual orientation ocd that your libido is very low. which is common for people with ocd/mental illness and that makes you feel no desire to have sex. also with sexual orientation ocd you are scared that you won’t enjoy sex with your boyfriend.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
The only problem is this was happening even before my sexual orientation theme. :/
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus hmm well i don’t want to tell you that you are another sexuality but are you experienced with sex? sometimes people who haven’t had sex might be uncomfortable since its new to them and they aren’t sure about it
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 No not at all, he’s my first partner and yeah that’s how I feel just very unsure and kind of lost and what’s supposed to happen. But I am interested in that connection with him
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Since this is your first partner, your nerves could just be frazzled from worrying about keeping things perfect on the first time. Give it some time, and it may mellow out.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you Pink and I hope so , I don’t want to lose that connection :(
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus yeah so then it could just be you nervous since it’s your first partner and everything is still so new to you. it will probably calm down just give it time
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 I appreciate the feedback ❤️thank you so much all of you
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
Not trying to put any new sexuality concerns on your head, but could it be asexuality? Asexual people can still enjoy sex but they just don't feel sexual attraction. Demisexuality is when you gain sexual attraction after knowing getting close enough to someone emotionally. Asexuality is a spectrum, so don't think that you have to fit it perfectly. Or it could just be a low libido your trying to push through.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
Maybe ? I don’t really think I’m experienced enough to know what sexual attraction is. Sex is more of an emotional thing for me, without the emotion it means nothing.
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
If you enjoy it when you focus on him then maybe the pleasure you feel is more guided towards making him happy than your own satisfaction.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
Well when he’s pleasing me I don’t have to focus on it at all, it feels great and I just want him closer to me. But when it’s his turn I’m very concerned with whether or not I’m doing a good job, is he enjoying it, what if I look dumb, what if I smell bad etc. I just don’t want to have sex with anyone else or a woman
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus I should also mention that I haven’t gone all the way with my partner yet because I’m still scared of losing my virginity and ending up pregnant. We’ve also never had the right place to do things so I’m always scared I’m going to get caught or in trouble. And I’ve never been able to make myself orgasm before because I become much too sensitive
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope.0 Thank you Ope that helps, sorry I’m just panicking like crazy right now
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Take deep breaths to calm down. Don't rush into sex, give yourself time to adjust to the intimacy you already have with him.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink We haven’t been able to be intimate in 9 months due to him joining the military, only FaceTime stuff. Before quarantine I was a little selfish but I still very much wanted and desired him and we’d always be very active though I still had those concerns about doing a good job,etc. afterward quarantine it was suddenly so difficult and different and I felt like I had just lost that side of me and since then it’s been like that. In quarantine I got really bad rocd and just so much stress/anxiety. I feel like a horrible partner
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like demisexuality, but that's not for my place to assign that label to you. That's something you have to decide on, but don't force yourself a label you aren't comfortable with. The AVEN has plenty of information on it if you're interested. When you feel worried like that, don't be afraid to ask him for feedback. If he's a good boyfriend he should make you feel safe in such a vulnerable moment. And it's ok to be more emotionally attracted than sexually.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
Can demisexuals still have and enjoy sex ? I do want that, I’m just scared that I’m not attracted to my partner because I don’t know how to fully let go of myself in the sexual aspect. My partner is very supportive and he always encourages me to be vocal I just don’t tell him because it seems like I’m not as sexually attracted to him as he is to me and that breaks my heart because I love all of him and I want him to feel wanted. I’m just so uninformed on all this sex stuff
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, asexuals and demisexuals can still have and enjoy sex. Some enjoy it because they like seeing their partner happy, some enjoy the experience, it's just a matter of feeling sexual attraction. And I'm glad he's good to you. Still try to tell him when you have these fears so he knows where your head is at. Communication is very important when having any sexual experience. And even if you aren't as into him sexually, that doesn't make your love any less. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things. By the way, you can be a hetero romantic asexual. That means you are asexual but still feel "straight" attraction romantically.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
And is it wrong if my pleasure comes from giving him pleasure and making him happy? Sorry about all these questions I just don’t know about any of this. And yes I’m going to talk to my partner and let him know so we can navigate together. I just don’t want him to think I don’t want to have sex with him or that I don’t find him attractive
LuckyPinkLuckyPink
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Not at all. That's perfectly fine. As long you are both enjoying each other's company. I do recommend looking into the Asexuality Visibility Network (AVEN) for more info just in case it is a genuine sexuality issue. Even if it's just the OCD, it's still ok to have a lower libido and preferring to make your partner happy. It's also normal to be nervous in your first relationship. 🙂
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you so much 💗💗💗
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, I’d rather force myself than have sex with a woman. Please I don’t want this but that just feels like denial
Susan4444Susan4444
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like you just have a lot of anxiety around sex and that definitely affects sex drive and ability to enjoy it. Are you in therapy? In addition to erp it could be helpful talk to a therapist about the different anxieties like “am I doing it right?” “Am I enjoying it enough?” OCD sufferers are usually perfectionists and it sounds like that’s affecting your sex life.
Susan4444Susan4444
- Date posted
- 4y
Also all these anxieties are very normal! Not just for people with ocd.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m on the verge of tears, I feel like I’m never going to enjoy sex with him and have to leave him. I don’t want this
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- Date posted
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- Date posted
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- Date posted
- 17w
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