- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
i think since you have sexual orientation ocd that your libido is very low. which is common for people with ocd/mental illness and that makes you feel no desire to have sex. also with sexual orientation ocd you are scared that you won’t enjoy sex with your boyfriend.
- Date posted
- 4y
The only problem is this was happening even before my sexual orientation theme. :/
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus hmm well i don’t want to tell you that you are another sexuality but are you experienced with sex? sometimes people who haven’t had sex might be uncomfortable since its new to them and they aren’t sure about it
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 No not at all, he’s my first partner and yeah that’s how I feel just very unsure and kind of lost and what’s supposed to happen. But I am interested in that connection with him
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Since this is your first partner, your nerves could just be frazzled from worrying about keeping things perfect on the first time. Give it some time, and it may mellow out.
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- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you Pink and I hope so , I don’t want to lose that connection :(
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- 4y
@PinkLotus yeah so then it could just be you nervous since it’s your first partner and everything is still so new to you. it will probably calm down just give it time
- Date posted
- 4y
@sb12367 I appreciate the feedback ❤️thank you so much all of you
- Date posted
- 4y
Not trying to put any new sexuality concerns on your head, but could it be asexuality? Asexual people can still enjoy sex but they just don't feel sexual attraction. Demisexuality is when you gain sexual attraction after knowing getting close enough to someone emotionally. Asexuality is a spectrum, so don't think that you have to fit it perfectly. Or it could just be a low libido your trying to push through.
- Date posted
- 4y
Maybe ? I don’t really think I’m experienced enough to know what sexual attraction is. Sex is more of an emotional thing for me, without the emotion it means nothing.
- Date posted
- 4y
If you enjoy it when you focus on him then maybe the pleasure you feel is more guided towards making him happy than your own satisfaction.
- Date posted
- 4y
Well when he’s pleasing me I don’t have to focus on it at all, it feels great and I just want him closer to me. But when it’s his turn I’m very concerned with whether or not I’m doing a good job, is he enjoying it, what if I look dumb, what if I smell bad etc. I just don’t want to have sex with anyone else or a woman
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus I should also mention that I haven’t gone all the way with my partner yet because I’m still scared of losing my virginity and ending up pregnant. We’ve also never had the right place to do things so I’m always scared I’m going to get caught or in trouble. And I’ve never been able to make myself orgasm before because I become much too sensitive
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope.0 Thank you Ope that helps, sorry I’m just panicking like crazy right now
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- 4y
@PinkLotus Take deep breaths to calm down. Don't rush into sex, give yourself time to adjust to the intimacy you already have with him.
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink We haven’t been able to be intimate in 9 months due to him joining the military, only FaceTime stuff. Before quarantine I was a little selfish but I still very much wanted and desired him and we’d always be very active though I still had those concerns about doing a good job,etc. afterward quarantine it was suddenly so difficult and different and I felt like I had just lost that side of me and since then it’s been like that. In quarantine I got really bad rocd and just so much stress/anxiety. I feel like a horrible partner
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like demisexuality, but that's not for my place to assign that label to you. That's something you have to decide on, but don't force yourself a label you aren't comfortable with. The AVEN has plenty of information on it if you're interested. When you feel worried like that, don't be afraid to ask him for feedback. If he's a good boyfriend he should make you feel safe in such a vulnerable moment. And it's ok to be more emotionally attracted than sexually.
- Date posted
- 4y
Can demisexuals still have and enjoy sex ? I do want that, I’m just scared that I’m not attracted to my partner because I don’t know how to fully let go of myself in the sexual aspect. My partner is very supportive and he always encourages me to be vocal I just don’t tell him because it seems like I’m not as sexually attracted to him as he is to me and that breaks my heart because I love all of him and I want him to feel wanted. I’m just so uninformed on all this sex stuff
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, asexuals and demisexuals can still have and enjoy sex. Some enjoy it because they like seeing their partner happy, some enjoy the experience, it's just a matter of feeling sexual attraction. And I'm glad he's good to you. Still try to tell him when you have these fears so he knows where your head is at. Communication is very important when having any sexual experience. And even if you aren't as into him sexually, that doesn't make your love any less. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are different things. By the way, you can be a hetero romantic asexual. That means you are asexual but still feel "straight" attraction romantically.
- Date posted
- 4y
And is it wrong if my pleasure comes from giving him pleasure and making him happy? Sorry about all these questions I just don’t know about any of this. And yes I’m going to talk to my partner and let him know so we can navigate together. I just don’t want him to think I don’t want to have sex with him or that I don’t find him attractive
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Not at all. That's perfectly fine. As long you are both enjoying each other's company. I do recommend looking into the Asexuality Visibility Network (AVEN) for more info just in case it is a genuine sexuality issue. Even if it's just the OCD, it's still ok to have a lower libido and preferring to make your partner happy. It's also normal to be nervous in your first relationship. 🙂
- Date posted
- 4y
@LuckyPink Thank you so much 💗💗💗
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, I’d rather force myself than have sex with a woman. Please I don’t want this but that just feels like denial
- Date posted
- 4y
It sounds like you just have a lot of anxiety around sex and that definitely affects sex drive and ability to enjoy it. Are you in therapy? In addition to erp it could be helpful talk to a therapist about the different anxieties like “am I doing it right?” “Am I enjoying it enough?” OCD sufferers are usually perfectionists and it sounds like that’s affecting your sex life.
- Date posted
- 4y
Also all these anxieties are very normal! Not just for people with ocd.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m on the verge of tears, I feel like I’m never going to enjoy sex with him and have to leave him. I don’t want this
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.
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- Date posted
- 5w
I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore
- Date posted
- 4w
This is going to be long and all over the place. To give some context I’ve dealt with SOOCD for a long time now and it had very bad effects on my past relationship. I had a hard time being intimate with my past partner because I was always subconsciously checking if I was getting aroused enough, if I was attracted to him, if I truly liked him, or if I was lying to myself (yk the whole deal). I literally felt nothing but anxiety when we did things which made everything worse. I was also extremely depressed which made my libido and attraction towards men completely vanish (still have low libido and my attraction is kinda the same). Me and the guy broke up and a couple years ago we reconnected. When I saw him again I was extremely attracted to him, romantically and sexually. This made me so happy because I finally felt some confirmation that I knew who I was and my thoughts weren’t real after years of being tortured by them. We didn’t end up lasting because my feelings started to shift but I truly blame that on the fact that it was just a dumb old high school relationship, he was a terrible boyfriend in the past, and we had nothing in common. However while we were together, I had dealt with really bad relationship anxiety. I found other people attractive which gave me reassurance, but also made spiral because I thought it meant I didn’t like him anymore, I was lying to myself about my feelings, and I questioned everything about the relationship. Fast forward to now, I am now in a new relationship and I’ve known this guy for a long time. I developed a crush on him which again made me really happy bc I haven’t had a crush in a VERY long time. I made a couple of posts on here about how I started to overthink everything (pls read those to get more context I don’t want to make this even longer). I started to get really anxious and had more intrusive thoughts about lying to myself about my feelings/and sexuality, not really liking him, not being attracted to him, yk all that. I was able to manage it by watching a video about rumination where the guy basically just said “stop thinking about it.” He said to just let it float there, don’t engage with it, don’t try to solve or understand, don’t try to replace it, don’t say a mantra, don’t be mindful, just let it be there and move on. I also went on reddit and this guy said to stop hyper focusing on the attraction/ the “right” feelings bc the more you try to look for them the less you will feel it. Anyways, I took the advice and the next time we hung out I felt comfortable and just so much better. It was the sweetest date and I truly had a fun time. However, when we kissed I immediately started over analyzing and questioning everything. I had bad experiences with my ex because I kept trying to analyze my feelings like do I really like this kiss? Am I actually attracted to him? Why am I not feeling super excited right now? Why did all these good feelings just go away? It was so annoying and heartbreaking for me because I just want to be normal, I want to truly enjoy this relationship. I want to stop automatically checking and over thinking everything. We’ve discussed sexual things and it automatically made me hyper analyze everything making me feel more anxious and unsure about the relationship and my sexuality. There have been times where we talked about them and I’ve thought about it with no worry, and I even got turned on by it (tmi i’m sorry). But I’m worried that I’ll have the same bad experiences I did with my ex and it’ll ruin how I view the everything. I was so excited for this but now I feel so scared and anxious again. I really want to enjoy this, he’s truly an amazing person and I want to be with him without being bombarded by this shit 😭. Sorry if none of this made sense. Please give me advice if you have any!!!!
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