I’m freaking out so bad I have so so so many struggles and fears around intimacy with my boyfriend that it truly feels like I don’t want to have sex with him but I do I want to so badly and I want to enjoy things with him so much. But yet I can only enjoy it when I really really focus on it so doesn’t that mean I’m forcing it??? Like if I just try to do it without thinking about everything I won’t be able to enjoy it so does that mean I’ll never be able to truly let go of that bc I don’t actually enjoy it? I don’t want to have sex with a girl not at all and I don’t want anyone else to be with my partner like that but me. So why can’t I enjoy it freely? Like if I don’t focus on it I won’t even want to. I hate myself , I feel like a monster and like there’s something wrong with me.

The only problem is this was happening even before my sexual orientation theme. :/

@PinkLotus hmm well i don’t want to tell you that you are another sexuality but are you experienced with sex? sometimes people who haven’t had sex might be uncomfortable since its new to them and they aren’t sure about it

@sb12367 No not at all, he’s my first partner and yeah that’s how I feel just very unsure and kind of lost and what’s supposed to happen. But I am interested in that connection with him

@PinkLotus Since this is your first partner, your nerves could just be frazzled from worrying about keeping things perfect on the first time. Give it some time, and it may mellow out.

@LuckyPink Thank you Pink and I hope so , I don’t want to lose that connection :(

@PinkLotus yeah so then it could just be you nervous since it’s your first partner and everything is still so new to you. it will probably calm down just give it time

@sb12367 I appreciate the feedback ❤️thank you so much all of you

Maybe ? I don’t really think I’m experienced enough to know what sexual attraction is. Sex is more of an emotional thing for me, without the emotion it means nothing.

Well when he’s pleasing me I don’t have to focus on it at all, it feels great and I just want him closer to me. But when it’s his turn I’m very concerned with whether or not I’m doing a good job, is he enjoying it, what if I look dumb, what if I smell bad etc. I just don’t want to have sex with anyone else or a woman

@PinkLotus I should also mention that I haven’t gone all the way with my partner yet because I’m still scared of losing my virginity and ending up pregnant. We’ve also never had the right place to do things so I’m always scared I’m going to get caught or in trouble. And I’ve never been able to make myself orgasm before because I become much too sensitive

@Ope.0 Thank you Ope that helps, sorry I’m just panicking like crazy right now

@PinkLotus Take deep breaths to calm down. Don't rush into sex, give yourself time to adjust to the intimacy you already have with him.

@LuckyPink We haven’t been able to be intimate in 9 months due to him joining the military, only FaceTime stuff. Before quarantine I was a little selfish but I still very much wanted and desired him and we’d always be very active though I still had those concerns about doing a good job,etc. afterward quarantine it was suddenly so difficult and different and I felt like I had just lost that side of me and since then it’s been like that. In quarantine I got really bad rocd and just so much stress/anxiety. I feel like a horrible partner

Can demisexuals still have and enjoy sex ? I do want that, I’m just scared that I’m not attracted to my partner because I don’t know how to fully let go of myself in the sexual aspect. My partner is very supportive and he always encourages me to be vocal I just don’t tell him because it seems like I’m not as sexually attracted to him as he is to me and that breaks my heart because I love all of him and I want him to feel wanted. I’m just so uninformed on all this sex stuff

And is it wrong if my pleasure comes from giving him pleasure and making him happy? Sorry about all these questions I just don’t know about any of this. And yes I’m going to talk to my partner and let him know so we can navigate together. I just don’t want him to think I don’t want to have sex with him or that I don’t find him attractive

@PinkLotus Not at all. That's perfectly fine. As long you are both enjoying each other's company. I do recommend looking into the Asexuality Visibility Network (AVEN) for more info just in case it is a genuine sexuality issue. Even if it's just the OCD, it's still ok to have a lower libido and preferring to make your partner happy. It's also normal to be nervous in your first relationship. 🙂

@LuckyPink Thank you so much 💗💗💗