I have severe Pure O. It’s around my OCD thoughts themselves (OCD about OCD). I can’t stop noticing my thoughts - 24/7 - and it brings me deep anxiety. I fear my life is to be lost to this looping existence and the longer this goes on the more evidence accumulate that this is true. My compulsions include deep rumination about the problem, Googling, buying books on OCD and well, doing posts like this. I’m with an OCD specialist who specialises in ERP. I’ve done a lot of the E but I think I’ve been struggling with the RP. I’ve reduced the active/positive compulsions but I really cannot stop my brain looping and ruminating - which is by far the worst of it. In a situation like this - do I (a) try and stop the thinking/rumination or (b) learn to accept that thinking/rumination? Because I find it almost impossible to do (a) - it tends to get worse when I try and stop it. Any help folks can give would be gratefully received.

So I’m starting therapy this week but I’ve been trying to use ERP myself, my main compulsion is rumination which I wasn’t even aware was a compulsion. I’m trying to do ERP but when I focus on observing the thought it goes, I dunno if I’m focusing too much on actually how to follow ERP or is this normal? I feel like I might be subconsciously blocking thoughts because I know how bad it is when I go down the rabbit hole, but then I also worry that the anxiety goes too quickly and that I’m finding it too easy to ignore the thought?

I find it very difficult to sit with thoughts or just let them be there especially when my OCD is purely based on mental rituals. For example, if I try to let a thought (that is causing me stress) come into my mind it’s almost impossible for me to let it sit there without my brain automatically trying to solve it or gain relief. It’s as though my brain does this without me really realising - probably from years of training it to do this - I’m just wondering if anyone knows of any other things I could try? I think this is why I find ERP quite difficult as I really try to let the thought sit there but my brain automatically tries to solve it no matter how much I’m trying…

Have any of you been stuck in what feels like an OCD loop? It’s like being held hostage by OCD. It’s like everything becomes a trigger. Like there isn’t a part of the day where I’m not having intrusive thoughts because it’s the only thing my brain can think about. So every conversation I’m thinking of horrible things I could say, every time I pet my dog think of things I could do to hurt her, anytime I drive I think of hitting pedestrians, every time I’m alone I think of ways I could hurt myself. It honestly feels like my brains on fire I’m starting to think I might have some kind of destructive brain tumour because I can’t comprehend how this can all be mental illness. It’s the ‘urge’ I can’t deal with it feels so real. I’ve had mental illness and likely OCD my whole life but nothing has ever made me feel as scared and hopeless as this. I’ve been having horrible migraine attacks daily for months and I think the trigger is the stress and anxiety these thoughts cause. I feel like I can never rest. It’s like my head is caught in a vice and my eye sight is constant flashes and static. Blood tests normal and two eye tests back normal. I can barely work as my whole job is computer based. I don’t even know how I would begin to do ERP because it feels like I’d have to tackle EVERYTHING about being alive! I also don’t think I have any compulsions. If I do none of them provide any relief so it’s basically just me feeling like I’m going insane every single day since October. It’s impossible to relax when my brain thinks we’re either going to die of a brain tumour or going insane and hurting myself against my will or doing something to someone else that would mean I would have to kill myself. My brain honestly believes it’s inevitable I won’t be along for much longer and it’s petrifying. I don’t know how to get better until I can reset my body to get out of this cycle. How am I supposed to move forward when my brain and body is in constant fight and flight? Does anybody relate? My brain doesn’t even believe this is OCD anymore… I guess this is reassurance but I’m having such a terrible time.