- Username
- bluebell
- Date posted
- 971d ago
- Sexual Orientation OCD
yeah it drives me insane. Like we suffer bc we don’t want to lose our identity. And also, we can’t controls our theme. It’s a fear of losing yourself rather that “internalized homophobia”, plus queer ppl can sufferr from SO OCD too! Ofc that my brain is going to doubt everything and say I’m actually gay in denial w internalized homophobia. But those mental health professionals should educate them better on the subject!
Exactly!!! It’s a fear of losing your identity, or ‘never knowing’ who you are. I have never thought that it was wrong to be gay, ever. It seems to me that some therapists just want something to talk about, or just want to sound like they have a new take. And yeah, my OCD definitely tells me that! Like, ‘maybe I think I’m not homophobic, but I am, and that means I’m actually bi but in denial’ you’re not alone there, but it’s just OCD!
Yeah, Im scared of this one because Ive loved women all my life and it feels like im losing a massive part of who I am. I don't want to lose those feelings and I dont want all my friendships to keep feeling weird
This is exactly it, it’s a fear of losing something. Like a foundation in your identity crumbling. I’ve been in your spot before, and it gets better. OCD distorts reality so much!
Yes it’s frustrating when people say that. I never saw a professional say that but I know that even lots of professionals don’t understand pure ocd. For me I’m not really afraid of being gay. I don’t even care if I’m gay if that is what I really want. But it’s more that I want to love a man and I’m afraid I can’t... like I’m not allowed to cause I might be gay or I’m doing something horrible pursuing a man cause I might be gay. Then when I’m in a relationship I fear so badly that i will hurt the person because I might realize I really am gay in the future and divorce them. It’s linked to relationship ocd and harm ocd. I don’t think I have internalized homophobia and I grew up with only accepting people around me. But still the OCD tells me that I am gay and just have internalized homophobia, so it does really bother me when people don’t understand ocd and seem to confirm this idea that “maybe I am just struggling with internalized homophobia”
I feel the same way here. About 8 months ago my 13 year relationship with my fiance ended because of my struggles with hocd. She couldn't understand what I was going through and my worst fear came true. She left me and now I have the feeling that any relationship I get into in the future will feel weird because "what if I'm actually gay or bi." If I am, then it's not fair to them. I feel like I would have to tell the new person that I have hocd, but I don't want that to define me either.
Yes. An OCD specialist I used to follow on Instagram wrote one of these articles and it made me very triggered and upset. It’s so hard for me because I have scrupulosity too and I have a fear of being homophobic. I always try to be so supportive of the LGBT community. I’ve never had an issue. Now I have people telling me that if I have this OCD then I am homophobic and it hurts. It’s scary honestly. I feel shame. My SO OCD started because I was afraid of judgement from other people. Now it’s more of the identity change. Like I know deep down what my identity is, but I’m scared it’s not what I thought and these thoughts scare me.
100% agree!! I never even knew what internalised homophobia was until I joined this app! I feel like people just throw the term around to just trigger people. I’ve done so much research and it clearly states that people with IH ‘enjoy’ the thoughts and want to be with the same sex, but don’t want to tell anyone. HOCD is a whole different spectrum. These thoughts literally haunt you. You want to bang your head into a brick wall because they just come in with no warning. Have you managed to recover ?