- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
yeah it drives me insane. Like we suffer bc we don’t want to lose our identity. And also, we can’t controls our theme. It’s a fear of losing yourself rather that “internalized homophobia”, plus queer ppl can sufferr from SO OCD too! Ofc that my brain is going to doubt everything and say I’m actually gay in denial w internalized homophobia. But those mental health professionals should educate them better on the subject!
- Date posted
- 4y
Exactly!!! It’s a fear of losing your identity, or ‘never knowing’ who you are. I have never thought that it was wrong to be gay, ever. It seems to me that some therapists just want something to talk about, or just want to sound like they have a new take. And yeah, my OCD definitely tells me that! Like, ‘maybe I think I’m not homophobic, but I am, and that means I’m actually bi but in denial’ you’re not alone there, but it’s just OCD!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, Im scared of this one because Ive loved women all my life and it feels like im losing a massive part of who I am. I don't want to lose those feelings and I dont want all my friendships to keep feeling weird
- Date posted
- 4y
This is exactly it, it’s a fear of losing something. Like a foundation in your identity crumbling. I’ve been in your spot before, and it gets better. OCD distorts reality so much!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes it’s frustrating when people say that. I never saw a professional say that but I know that even lots of professionals don’t understand pure ocd. For me I’m not really afraid of being gay. I don’t even care if I’m gay if that is what I really want. But it’s more that I want to love a man and I’m afraid I can’t... like I’m not allowed to cause I might be gay or I’m doing something horrible pursuing a man cause I might be gay. Then when I’m in a relationship I fear so badly that i will hurt the person because I might realize I really am gay in the future and divorce them. It’s linked to relationship ocd and harm ocd. I don’t think I have internalized homophobia and I grew up with only accepting people around me. But still the OCD tells me that I am gay and just have internalized homophobia, so it does really bother me when people don’t understand ocd and seem to confirm this idea that “maybe I am just struggling with internalized homophobia”
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel the same way here. About 8 months ago my 13 year relationship with my fiance ended because of my struggles with hocd. She couldn't understand what I was going through and my worst fear came true. She left me and now I have the feeling that any relationship I get into in the future will feel weird because "what if I'm actually gay or bi." If I am, then it's not fair to them. I feel like I would have to tell the new person that I have hocd, but I don't want that to define me either.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. An OCD specialist I used to follow on Instagram wrote one of these articles and it made me very triggered and upset. It’s so hard for me because I have scrupulosity too and I have a fear of being homophobic. I always try to be so supportive of the LGBT community. I’ve never had an issue. Now I have people telling me that if I have this OCD then I am homophobic and it hurts. It’s scary honestly. I feel shame. My SO OCD started because I was afraid of judgement from other people. Now it’s more of the identity change. Like I know deep down what my identity is, but I’m scared it’s not what I thought and these thoughts scare me.
- Date posted
- 4y
100% agree!! I never even knew what internalised homophobia was until I joined this app! I feel like people just throw the term around to just trigger people. I’ve done so much research and it clearly states that people with IH ‘enjoy’ the thoughts and want to be with the same sex, but don’t want to tell anyone. HOCD is a whole different spectrum. These thoughts literally haunt you. You want to bang your head into a brick wall because they just come in with no warning. Have you managed to recover ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
- Date posted
- 18w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 18w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond