- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
yeah it drives me insane. Like we suffer bc we don’t want to lose our identity. And also, we can’t controls our theme. It’s a fear of losing yourself rather that “internalized homophobia”, plus queer ppl can sufferr from SO OCD too! Ofc that my brain is going to doubt everything and say I’m actually gay in denial w internalized homophobia. But those mental health professionals should educate them better on the subject!
- Date posted
- 3y
Exactly!!! It’s a fear of losing your identity, or ‘never knowing’ who you are. I have never thought that it was wrong to be gay, ever. It seems to me that some therapists just want something to talk about, or just want to sound like they have a new take. And yeah, my OCD definitely tells me that! Like, ‘maybe I think I’m not homophobic, but I am, and that means I’m actually bi but in denial’ you’re not alone there, but it’s just OCD!
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, Im scared of this one because Ive loved women all my life and it feels like im losing a massive part of who I am. I don't want to lose those feelings and I dont want all my friendships to keep feeling weird
- Date posted
- 3y
This is exactly it, it’s a fear of losing something. Like a foundation in your identity crumbling. I’ve been in your spot before, and it gets better. OCD distorts reality so much!
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes it’s frustrating when people say that. I never saw a professional say that but I know that even lots of professionals don’t understand pure ocd. For me I’m not really afraid of being gay. I don’t even care if I’m gay if that is what I really want. But it’s more that I want to love a man and I’m afraid I can’t... like I’m not allowed to cause I might be gay or I’m doing something horrible pursuing a man cause I might be gay. Then when I’m in a relationship I fear so badly that i will hurt the person because I might realize I really am gay in the future and divorce them. It’s linked to relationship ocd and harm ocd. I don’t think I have internalized homophobia and I grew up with only accepting people around me. But still the OCD tells me that I am gay and just have internalized homophobia, so it does really bother me when people don’t understand ocd and seem to confirm this idea that “maybe I am just struggling with internalized homophobia”
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
I feel the same way here. About 8 months ago my 13 year relationship with my fiance ended because of my struggles with hocd. She couldn't understand what I was going through and my worst fear came true. She left me and now I have the feeling that any relationship I get into in the future will feel weird because "what if I'm actually gay or bi." If I am, then it's not fair to them. I feel like I would have to tell the new person that I have hocd, but I don't want that to define me either.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. An OCD specialist I used to follow on Instagram wrote one of these articles and it made me very triggered and upset. It’s so hard for me because I have scrupulosity too and I have a fear of being homophobic. I always try to be so supportive of the LGBT community. I’ve never had an issue. Now I have people telling me that if I have this OCD then I am homophobic and it hurts. It’s scary honestly. I feel shame. My SO OCD started because I was afraid of judgement from other people. Now it’s more of the identity change. Like I know deep down what my identity is, but I’m scared it’s not what I thought and these thoughts scare me.
- Date posted
- 3y
100% agree!! I never even knew what internalised homophobia was until I joined this app! I feel like people just throw the term around to just trigger people. I’ve done so much research and it clearly states that people with IH ‘enjoy’ the thoughts and want to be with the same sex, but don’t want to tell anyone. HOCD is a whole different spectrum. These thoughts literally haunt you. You want to bang your head into a brick wall because they just come in with no warning. Have you managed to recover ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Does anyone else experience ocd around the topic of non monogamy and hookup culture and stuff? Im not hating people who are into these things, intact I thinks it great that people have ways of experiencing relationships how they want to and I will always support and advocate for that, but non monogamy and hookup culture is not for me. However because its not for me and I really don't want to partake in any of these things by brain keeps telling me things like: 1. Monogamy is toxic and fake and polyamory is the only real way to have relationships 2. I secretly want non monogamy and casual relationship 3. I'm experiencing these feelings because im a bigot 4. Everyone's involved in non monogamy in some for these days even if its things like open relationships, threesomes etc so monogamy will become rare and you will never have a relationship Those are just some of the thoughts but I have many more. Like I said I'm supportive of people who engage in those things, but I don't want it and I feel as though I can't justify my reasons why I don't want it and that I'm a fake or a bigot. I'm constantly googling "benefits of monogamy" "why monogamy is better" etc to justify to myself why I want what i want. My googling is so obsessive though and I'm up all night doing it and watching videos and things. I can't sleep because of my worries. Everytime I see anything, anywhere relating to non monogamy wheather that be open relationships, polyamory, threesomes etc I feel so sick In my stomach, my anxiety sky rockets and I just want to cry, it's how I am with seeing gay relationship and things with my sexual orientation ocd. (I feel the same when I things about hookups and stuff too). It's like a voice in my head is going "see it's working for these people, you actually want it, your lying if you don't". I have thousands of screenshots of articles and posts that's reassure me about my wants but my ocd always makes be doubt myself. I need some advice on how to deal with it, because im at breaking point and feel like a horrible person. I also want to know if anyone else is dealing with what I'm going through.
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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