- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
yeah it drives me insane. Like we suffer bc we don’t want to lose our identity. And also, we can’t controls our theme. It’s a fear of losing yourself rather that “internalized homophobia”, plus queer ppl can sufferr from SO OCD too! Ofc that my brain is going to doubt everything and say I’m actually gay in denial w internalized homophobia. But those mental health professionals should educate them better on the subject!
- Date posted
- 4y
Exactly!!! It’s a fear of losing your identity, or ‘never knowing’ who you are. I have never thought that it was wrong to be gay, ever. It seems to me that some therapists just want something to talk about, or just want to sound like they have a new take. And yeah, my OCD definitely tells me that! Like, ‘maybe I think I’m not homophobic, but I am, and that means I’m actually bi but in denial’ you’re not alone there, but it’s just OCD!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, Im scared of this one because Ive loved women all my life and it feels like im losing a massive part of who I am. I don't want to lose those feelings and I dont want all my friendships to keep feeling weird
- Date posted
- 4y
This is exactly it, it’s a fear of losing something. Like a foundation in your identity crumbling. I’ve been in your spot before, and it gets better. OCD distorts reality so much!
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes it’s frustrating when people say that. I never saw a professional say that but I know that even lots of professionals don’t understand pure ocd. For me I’m not really afraid of being gay. I don’t even care if I’m gay if that is what I really want. But it’s more that I want to love a man and I’m afraid I can’t... like I’m not allowed to cause I might be gay or I’m doing something horrible pursuing a man cause I might be gay. Then when I’m in a relationship I fear so badly that i will hurt the person because I might realize I really am gay in the future and divorce them. It’s linked to relationship ocd and harm ocd. I don’t think I have internalized homophobia and I grew up with only accepting people around me. But still the OCD tells me that I am gay and just have internalized homophobia, so it does really bother me when people don’t understand ocd and seem to confirm this idea that “maybe I am just struggling with internalized homophobia”
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel the same way here. About 8 months ago my 13 year relationship with my fiance ended because of my struggles with hocd. She couldn't understand what I was going through and my worst fear came true. She left me and now I have the feeling that any relationship I get into in the future will feel weird because "what if I'm actually gay or bi." If I am, then it's not fair to them. I feel like I would have to tell the new person that I have hocd, but I don't want that to define me either.
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. An OCD specialist I used to follow on Instagram wrote one of these articles and it made me very triggered and upset. It’s so hard for me because I have scrupulosity too and I have a fear of being homophobic. I always try to be so supportive of the LGBT community. I’ve never had an issue. Now I have people telling me that if I have this OCD then I am homophobic and it hurts. It’s scary honestly. I feel shame. My SO OCD started because I was afraid of judgement from other people. Now it’s more of the identity change. Like I know deep down what my identity is, but I’m scared it’s not what I thought and these thoughts scare me.
- Date posted
- 3y
100% agree!! I never even knew what internalised homophobia was until I joined this app! I feel like people just throw the term around to just trigger people. I’ve done so much research and it clearly states that people with IH ‘enjoy’ the thoughts and want to be with the same sex, but don’t want to tell anyone. HOCD is a whole different spectrum. These thoughts literally haunt you. You want to bang your head into a brick wall because they just come in with no warning. Have you managed to recover ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I wanted to voice that homosexuals can get HOCD too. I remember when i was younger and knew i was gay i still got HOCD one time when watching The Office. I thought Pam was so pretty and then started doubting my whole identity because what if i am straight? Oh god, what a terror if i was heterosexual. But anyway, thought that maybe this would help heteros with HOCD by knowing that this is a universal symptom across OCD sufferers of all sexual orientations. A big problem is calling this subtype “Homosexual OCD,” because its not. It has nothing to do with being homo or hetero or bi or anything. Its just OCD being a bully. I think labelling subtypes is an issue altogether, as it can unconsciously make people feel like its not just OCD. But it is. Does this make any sense? What are yall’s thoughts on this? Or is this just my OCD talking? (Im not seeking reassurance just genuinely find this interesting) TLDR; each time we “qualify” OCD with a subtype, we reinforce that the subtype is part of the issue. In reality, OCD is just a broken loop in our brains, and thoughts are just thoughts. And Pam Beesly is a hottie.
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
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- Sexual Orientation OCD
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- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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