- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry you’re going through this.. I was in a very similar position for about a year, maybe even two. The doubt was eating me alive and I was planning a wedding at the same time so I completely understand you and I hope you realize that you’re not alone. I ended up getting through it and getting married. Best decision I ever made. I again feel so in love with my wife and I know you’ll see the light as well, you just gotta push through it. Make sure you do ERP every single day and you’ll see a difference. It’s going to take time to master it but you’ll begin to disregard those thoughts little by little. Best of luck to you, I believe in you!
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for your story! I’m happy you made it through the bad times and are experiencing the great times now.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you! I think a conversation about getting engaged is what triggered this! So your comment is really helpful to hear- knowing that regardless you have a choice! Congrats on pulling through and doing what you wanted! And thank you again :)
- Date posted
- 4y
@Shannon Thank you! And yes 100%. I got triggered when I started ring shopping. That is where my ROCD began. I’ve read that OCD gets stronger in moments of important changes in life so it’s only natural for you to be feeling this way.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
going through the same thing, but i’m choosing to stay. know that you always have a choice no matter what your ocd is telling you. it’s going to make you doubt that it’s even ocd. stay well friend <3
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you! I’m choosing to stay because something, somewhere inside me knows it’s right! Thank you, and I hope you start feeling better too! ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s so comforting to see so many others like me on here. I’m still working towards the whole “getting into a relarionship” part, but so many of these thoughts are familiar to me. Glad I’m not alone.
- Date posted
- 4y
Mhmm well I know it’s hard but it helps to remember how you felt before you were overcome with such anxiety. It’s easy to let the thoughts and anxiety over take you, I was in the same exact place the other night and I just kept crying because in my head I was like “I feel like I’d be happier if I was just single” and yes that’s true because I wouldn’t have a relationship to be anxious about! But then I thought about the times where I wasn’t so overwhelmed with these negative feelings and how I felt about my relationship. It also helps to write a pros and cons list so you can see the facts of the relationship rather than what’s just going on in your head. OCD will tear down anything that’s important to you. Have you ever told your partner about your thoughts?
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for replying. When I don’t have these thoughts or feelings, I do not question my relationship. It’s healthy, loving and all I’ve ever wanted- I just can’t deal with feeling/thinking this way anymore. I know I’d feel better leaving but my therapist said unless I’m happy being single forever, I need to work through this because it won’t go away until I do the work. My partner knows all my thoughts- he’s so helpful & understanding & says he knows I love him. It’s so hard- I can’t even work out what I do or don’t want anymore :(
- Date posted
- 4y
@Shannon You sounds just like me! It’s important you have that open communication with him. Just remember the OCD attacks what you truly care about so as someone told me here, the fact that you’re posting about this looking for someone to talk to shows a lot about your true feelings. And also something that’s helped me is it’s normal to have these feelings of doubt pop up in a relationship. It’s just for us it affects us more than it does the average person and we give meaning to these thoughts when in reality there’s nothing wrong. Idk if that helps or not but it will be okay.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Kdrizzy Thank you, I really appreciate you replying. My partner said that himself- I get these thoughts all the time but I don’t think about it or keep busy- wish it was that easy for us! And I know- I’ve left relationships without a second thought etc before so it does say something I guess- but logic seems to go out the window in OCD!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
- Date posted
- 16w
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
- Date posted
- 14w
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
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