- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Sorry you’re going through this.. I was in a very similar position for about a year, maybe even two. The doubt was eating me alive and I was planning a wedding at the same time so I completely understand you and I hope you realize that you’re not alone. I ended up getting through it and getting married. Best decision I ever made. I again feel so in love with my wife and I know you’ll see the light as well, you just gotta push through it. Make sure you do ERP every single day and you’ll see a difference. It’s going to take time to master it but you’ll begin to disregard those thoughts little by little. Best of luck to you, I believe in you!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thanks for your story! I’m happy you made it through the bad times and are experiencing the great times now.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you! I think a conversation about getting engaged is what triggered this! So your comment is really helpful to hear- knowing that regardless you have a choice! Congrats on pulling through and doing what you wanted! And thank you again :)
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Shannon Thank you! And yes 100%. I got triggered when I started ring shopping. That is where my ROCD began. I’ve read that OCD gets stronger in moments of important changes in life so it’s only natural for you to be feeling this way.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
going through the same thing, but i’m choosing to stay. know that you always have a choice no matter what your ocd is telling you. it’s going to make you doubt that it’s even ocd. stay well friend <3
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you! I’m choosing to stay because something, somewhere inside me knows it’s right! Thank you, and I hope you start feeling better too! ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It’s so comforting to see so many others like me on here. I’m still working towards the whole “getting into a relarionship” part, but so many of these thoughts are familiar to me. Glad I’m not alone.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Mhmm well I know it’s hard but it helps to remember how you felt before you were overcome with such anxiety. It’s easy to let the thoughts and anxiety over take you, I was in the same exact place the other night and I just kept crying because in my head I was like “I feel like I’d be happier if I was just single” and yes that’s true because I wouldn’t have a relationship to be anxious about! But then I thought about the times where I wasn’t so overwhelmed with these negative feelings and how I felt about my relationship. It also helps to write a pros and cons list so you can see the facts of the relationship rather than what’s just going on in your head. OCD will tear down anything that’s important to you. Have you ever told your partner about your thoughts?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thanks for replying. When I don’t have these thoughts or feelings, I do not question my relationship. It’s healthy, loving and all I’ve ever wanted- I just can’t deal with feeling/thinking this way anymore. I know I’d feel better leaving but my therapist said unless I’m happy being single forever, I need to work through this because it won’t go away until I do the work. My partner knows all my thoughts- he’s so helpful & understanding & says he knows I love him. It’s so hard- I can’t even work out what I do or don’t want anymore :(
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Shannon You sounds just like me! It’s important you have that open communication with him. Just remember the OCD attacks what you truly care about so as someone told me here, the fact that you’re posting about this looking for someone to talk to shows a lot about your true feelings. And also something that’s helped me is it’s normal to have these feelings of doubt pop up in a relationship. It’s just for us it affects us more than it does the average person and we give meaning to these thoughts when in reality there’s nothing wrong. Idk if that helps or not but it will be okay.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Kdrizzy Thank you, I really appreciate you replying. My partner said that himself- I get these thoughts all the time but I don’t think about it or keep busy- wish it was that easy for us! And I know- I’ve left relationships without a second thought etc before so it does say something I guess- but logic seems to go out the window in OCD!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w ago
Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔
- Date posted
- 21w ago
1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I struggle with rocd, and a big intrusive thought that I have is that I’m no longer in love with my partner. I am going through a depression right now, and I am struggling to feel any kind of passion towards anything at the moment. I am withdrawing from the people I love because I just feel like I want to be alone. When I’m with people I just feel exhausted by it. I guess my question is, has anyone ever felt like this from depression? Does it take feelings of love and attraction away? I can’t tell if this is my ocd or depression or a combination of both. But it’s starting to impact my relationship which makes me panic because losing it is my worst fear.
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