vent tw: vague mentions of trauma, bad therapy experiences, and possible ableism/ocd stereotyping(?) have you guys ever been dismissed by a therapist? how did you gain the confidence to open up to a new one? my current therapist has been rly adament on making me ponder if im actually "normal" and if all of my struggles (intrusive thoughts, executive dysfunction, etc) are just.. normal, neurotypical things.. and thats fine and dandy, i suppose! but she told me that i probably didnt have ocd because thats "not usually triggered by specifics" and it deals with "compulsions like turning off a light 10 times" and i just.. i dont wanna open up to a therapist about sensitive struggles and simply be dismissed, but i really want help because its hard for me to carry on through life like this. :') she helped me a bit with accepting the thoughts, but not so much with tackling the compulsions themselves. i dont really feel safe talking about my trauma or my past further with her, but if i seek a new therapist, i dont really know how to present this in a way that might lessen their judgemental responses or belittling of my issues. maybe i came in too boldly without enough explaination to back myself up? but my experiences/symptoms are there, even if the labels/"generalizations" are wrong (though i never claimed that they were even right, just possibilities), so im not sure what i should really do next time, or if i should even still pursue a therapist to help me with this. im kinda just at a loss here, and could use some input.

I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.

I am wanting to go to therapy to hopefully lower my OCD symptoms but I am terrified to tell anyone else, like a therapist, about my intrusive thoughts. Has anyone else had this experience and if so how did you get over it?

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?