vent tw: vague mentions of trauma, bad therapy experiences, and possible ableism/ocd stereotyping(?) have you guys ever been dismissed by a therapist? how did you gain the confidence to open up to a new one? my current therapist has been rly adament on making me ponder if im actually "normal" and if all of my struggles (intrusive thoughts, executive dysfunction, etc) are just.. normal, neurotypical things.. and thats fine and dandy, i suppose! but she told me that i probably didnt have ocd because thats "not usually triggered by specifics" and it deals with "compulsions like turning off a light 10 times" and i just.. i dont wanna open up to a therapist about sensitive struggles and simply be dismissed, but i really want help because its hard for me to carry on through life like this. :') she helped me a bit with accepting the thoughts, but not so much with tackling the compulsions themselves. i dont really feel safe talking about my trauma or my past further with her, but if i seek a new therapist, i dont really know how to present this in a way that might lessen their judgemental responses or belittling of my issues. maybe i came in too boldly without enough explaination to back myself up? but my experiences/symptoms are there, even if the labels/"generalizations" are wrong (though i never claimed that they were even right, just possibilities), so im not sure what i should really do next time, or if i should even still pursue a therapist to help me with this. im kinda just at a loss here, and could use some input.

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

Every therapist I’ve tried for OCD has felt dehumanizing and judgy, as if I’m the threat not my OCD. I’m still looking for a good therapist. Have you ever had a bad therapy experience?

I finally found the courage to seek a psychiatrist last week, when I got there I was nervous for obvious reasons and felt a bit guilty. I met the doctor and don’t get me wrong he was very nice and knowledgeable in the bigger scope of mental health. Asked me questions of depression, anxiety, if I see things others don’t etc.. However, while we went through the assessment I did not receive a formal “diagnosis” and seemed as though he came to the determination what I have is general anxiety disorder. I don’t disagree, I know I have anxiety! However, when it came to the point where we were wrapping it up I had a “BUT WAIT” moment. I explained I was a part of an OCD community where I had previously been doing therapy to manage OCD. He asked “well why OCD?” I replied, “I have constant thoughts very repetitive thoughts that follow a theme and they are extremely persistent.” It was then I knew I couldn’t let down the walls and go into depth, as I knew he wouldn’t understand. To validate what I already knew, I said “I have constant fears and worries about my children, myself, and religion. I think about these things all day long. In order to free myself from the feeling I have to say a specific phrase or word in my head.” He said “well yea that’s normal to have worries and fears about your family, your religion” and so forth. The feeling of disappointment is an under statement, this is more than just “anxiety” this is something that I struggle with daily and to have a professional discredit my daily fight was off putting. Not his fault, it demonstrates the lack of knowledge for OCD and treatment many of us have to face. Sorry for the rant, sometimes we just have to advocate for ourselves.. 🌸