I am worried Tomorrow I have to do a marching band thing and might have to stay after school until 4:15 My friends are also trying to rope me into going to GSA with them, and I keep making excuses to not go But if I have to stay for band, I’ll pretty much have to go But I CAN’T go because Martha will be triggered and I’ll worry that being at GSA will make me gay Asdfghjkl I’m worried

I’m in a class with a majority (basically all) people a grade younger than me because I messed up my schedule. it will be like this next year too, because the class that i’m in next year my grade already took this past year. I messed up , and now my friends ask me about it and treat me like younger than them and like below them kind of. and they’re not bad friends, but it is embarrassing bec what i did is just not normal. i’ve tried to keep it on the dl from people because they judge. I know i’m probably overthinking it but i’m scared my friends are gonna leave me because all they talk about is the class that they’re in that i’m not in and leave me because I’m behind. it’s really stupid that i’m not really a part of my own grade anymore, and it ruined my school years that i am currently in (at least that’s what it feels like). basically im scared that i’m going to be lonely the rest of these years and sad and it’s all because of a choice I made, even though i hope they wouldn’t do that.:(

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

Not looking forward to this fishing trip! I have two buddies from work that are coming to my town to go fishing. It was all cool and dandy until last minute he said he was gonna invite his oldest and I was like oh cool. Wait? It’s a 10 year old girl. When I heard that I was like “SIGH” inside voice though. Right then and there me looking forward to it was gone. I REALLY don’t wanna be in a group with a little girl. I hate it. Doesn’t matter if we’re in a group, I HATE IT!! I’m bummed out but also wanna have fun but I can’t. Reason why is this all went downhill when I saw his fb profile and had all three of his girls in the pic. And at that time I was getting hit hard with pocd so when I saw that my brain was everywhere with intrusive thoughts, false attraction. All that!! And I hated it. Fast forward, my brain when it realized who it was, basically felt like a “I don’t want to have the same reactions as before, I don’t wanna feel this false attraction” nope nope nope! .it was something I had to go through and now I have to go through it again except this time in physical form. I don’t want to go but how do I embrace it guys?? I’m going blank. My brain goes into a spiral of intrusive thoughts like what if I end up harming her or something crazy! No no no no!!! I hate it!! I hate it!!! I’m not that type of sicko! Honestly, I don’t want to go and I’m not looking forward to it! I just lines “let’s just get this over with this Saturday asap” 😪