My boyfriend says it's flirting to talk to someone if they are attractive. I'm paranoid I've talked to my new co worker because he is attractive. I am so anxious right now. I keep asking myself "did I talk to him because he was attractive" and I think I did. I've done this before and it's caused issues in my relationship, and I'm scared if I tell my bf he's gonna break up with me. I didn't say anything flirting it was just like "hey welcome to our job" and "you're going to really enjoy working with Cindy". I'm worried I said things to him because he was attractive. I would have said it to any other new Co worker but I'm paranoid I said something because he is attractive

I think your boyfriend is being overly possessive for saying that and it sounds like he could be doing more harm to you for controlling who you speak to than you could ever do to him just by being a kind person who talked to others. Don’t assume you’re doing something bad just because he says it is because sometimes people want to totally control your l life.

I think your boyfriend is mixing up finding someone attractive with liking someone in a more than friends way. There's a difference. It also sounds like projection. For him, he stays away from girls he finds attractive so he doesn't have any inner conflict while dating you.

OCD will always make you doubt and it will always take things out of context. OCD takes things you fear and with the intrusive thoughts it creates doubt for you. You are not alone. I deal with the theme of false memory and OCD will make me think horrible things about myself but remember OCD will always attack your morals and values and creates doubt around the things you care about and create untrue scenarios and false messages. You will get through this. I just started working on ERP and it's not easy but I'm taking it one step at a time. Have you started or considered ERP therapy?

I feel the same way at times. Sometimes I wonder if I dress up because care what other guys think of me. One of my lab partners at school is attractive and I worried if I wanted him to like me. He was nice to me and I wondered why I liked it. Do I want to be with him? What if I hurt my bf? Thankfully my bf is supportive and tells me that it is okay to find other people attractive because we are human. I don’t want to reassure you but being in a relationship doesn’t make you stop finding other people attractive. I try to tell myself this too. We can’t try to avoid everyone who we find attractive. This is where therapy becomes helpful. I haven’t started mine yet but hopefully I can soon. Right now I am also dealing with this on my own. It’s really scary to doubt my faithfulness. I really know how you feel. I usually say to myself “yes I find him attractive and that’s okay.” I don’t know if this is the correct way but it helps me sometimes.

I get this! I started working at my current job when my relationship with my boyfriend was just kicking off and I thought that because I found some of the men around me attractive that I must have not had genuine feelings for my boyfriend and I almost talked myself out of my relationship, which I'm glad I didn't because I'm incredibly happy and secure in it. I didn't realize I could have possibly had OCD and that was what it was stemming from so it made me pretty unhappy for a while, and now at college I had a similar issue for a few days. I'm glad it isn't just me!

Add on: I would like to clarify this is a rule we both set in our relationship. We are allowed to find other people attractive and talk to attractive people, BUT our main insensitive shouldn't be to talk to them BECAUSE they are attractive. My brain had the thought "oh he's attractive I shouldn't talk to him" and then I did, I think I talked to him BECAUSE he is attractive. (but I also might be overthinking it) I broke a rule we had established in our relationship

It's completley normal to think other people are attractive, or even be attracted to them while in a relationship with someone else. It sounds like you did nothing wrong.

And you would have said welcome to the new co-worker regardless of what they look like. We talk to many people everyday no matter what they look like. Just recognize the negative messages OCD is trying to attach meaning to when there is no meaning there.

I think there are always gonna be people that you immediately find attractive that you are going to want to talk to or need to talk to and that it’s unrealistic to have the expectation of never doing that or to blame yourself when you do do it. I talk to people I find hot all the time and I know I find them hot but then I still go about my day and I tell my partner about it too just cause I feel like it and we have been happy together for over 2 years.