- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think your boyfriend is being overly possessive for saying that and it sounds like he could be doing more harm to you for controlling who you speak to than you could ever do to him just by being a kind person who talked to others. Don’t assume you’re doing something bad just because he says it is because sometimes people want to totally control your l life.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think your boyfriend is mixing up finding someone attractive with liking someone in a more than friends way. There's a difference. It also sounds like projection. For him, he stays away from girls he finds attractive so he doesn't have any inner conflict while dating you.
- Date posted
- 3y
No, i shouldn't talk to men because they are attractive. I can talk to attractive men. But I shouldn't have my main reason for talking to someone be because they are attractive. It's not controlling. It makes sense. Why would he feel the need to talk to another girl because she is attractive? If it's not my intent before hand then it's not an issue, but I'm overthinking weather I choose to talk to the person because they are attractive or not
- Date posted
- 3y
OCD will always make you doubt and it will always take things out of context. OCD takes things you fear and with the intrusive thoughts it creates doubt for you. You are not alone. I deal with the theme of false memory and OCD will make me think horrible things about myself but remember OCD will always attack your morals and values and creates doubt around the things you care about and create untrue scenarios and false messages. You will get through this. I just started working on ERP and it's not easy but I'm taking it one step at a time. Have you started or considered ERP therapy?
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel the same way at times. Sometimes I wonder if I dress up because care what other guys think of me. One of my lab partners at school is attractive and I worried if I wanted him to like me. He was nice to me and I wondered why I liked it. Do I want to be with him? What if I hurt my bf? Thankfully my bf is supportive and tells me that it is okay to find other people attractive because we are human. I don’t want to reassure you but being in a relationship doesn’t make you stop finding other people attractive. I try to tell myself this too. We can’t try to avoid everyone who we find attractive. This is where therapy becomes helpful. I haven’t started mine yet but hopefully I can soon. Right now I am also dealing with this on my own. It’s really scary to doubt my faithfulness. I really know how you feel. I usually say to myself “yes I find him attractive and that’s okay.” I don’t know if this is the correct way but it helps me sometimes.
- Date posted
- 3y
I get this! I started working at my current job when my relationship with my boyfriend was just kicking off and I thought that because I found some of the men around me attractive that I must have not had genuine feelings for my boyfriend and I almost talked myself out of my relationship, which I'm glad I didn't because I'm incredibly happy and secure in it. I didn't realize I could have possibly had OCD and that was what it was stemming from so it made me pretty unhappy for a while, and now at college I had a similar issue for a few days. I'm glad it isn't just me!
- Date posted
- 3y
Add on: I would like to clarify this is a rule we both set in our relationship. We are allowed to find other people attractive and talk to attractive people, BUT our main insensitive shouldn't be to talk to them BECAUSE they are attractive. My brain had the thought "oh he's attractive I shouldn't talk to him" and then I did, I think I talked to him BECAUSE he is attractive. (but I also might be overthinking it) I broke a rule we had established in our relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
Resist the compulsion to confess. If you feel an urge to confess things after obsessing, it's the ocd and it will not making anything better.
- Date posted
- 3y
It's completley normal to think other people are attractive, or even be attracted to them while in a relationship with someone else. It sounds like you did nothing wrong.
- Date posted
- 3y
And you would have said welcome to the new co-worker regardless of what they look like. We talk to many people everyday no matter what they look like. Just recognize the negative messages OCD is trying to attach meaning to when there is no meaning there.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think there are always gonna be people that you immediately find attractive that you are going to want to talk to or need to talk to and that it’s unrealistic to have the expectation of never doing that or to blame yourself when you do do it. I talk to people I find hot all the time and I know I find them hot but then I still go about my day and I tell my partner about it too just cause I feel like it and we have been happy together for over 2 years.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think it’s important to respect rules in a relationship but also make sure the rules are realistic!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
i feel so bad for posting here, idk what i wamt i have so many thoughts abt the feelings i have for my bf im scared my thughts are true or that they will be true and i feel bad for feeling amd thinking this way i such a bad girlfriend, i am scared that i like other people just because i look at them or talk to them normally and i feel like a liar what cam i do to stop feeling like this i am scared
- Date posted
- 16w
I was doing fine today until I asked ChatGPT if i cheated and they said it could count as emotional cheating if you are engaging in intense daydreams and looking someone up on social media to feed a fantasy about them. My partner and I already spoke about me fantasizing about this person and he said it was totally fine since it happened in my head and he has had crushes and fantasies on coworkers too. However I feel absolutely devastated and wrecked with guilt and anxiety and panic right now. I genuinely feel like a horrible horrible horrible cheater. I don’t know what to do. I have therapy scheduled for later this week but I really really need some advice right now!!! I feel like it could count as cheating since it did happen during a few weeks where i felt a bit distant from my partner and I feel like the daydreaming was excessive. I am so so scared. Do I confess? Do I tell him I cheated? He already told me once that cheating is a physical interaction (and I literally have not interacted with this person outside of surface level responses in a group server that my partner is also a part of). Do I have a moral obligation to tell him I cheated? I need to know.
- Date posted
- 12w
I often feel like i did something wrong even tho i am positive i didn’t, my boyfriend and i have been together for like 6 months and i’ve been completely loyal to him the whole time but recently i’ve been feeling the need to confess that i cheated on him even tho i didn’t and there’s absolutely no proof that i did something even close, i don’t talk to other men and if i do my boyfriend has full access to my phone and it’s usually a friend or me asking a simple question but i still feel the need to confess even tho i’ve done nothing wrong🥲 someone please help it’s so confusing
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