- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think your boyfriend is being overly possessive for saying that and it sounds like he could be doing more harm to you for controlling who you speak to than you could ever do to him just by being a kind person who talked to others. Don’t assume you’re doing something bad just because he says it is because sometimes people want to totally control your l life.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think your boyfriend is mixing up finding someone attractive with liking someone in a more than friends way. There's a difference. It also sounds like projection. For him, he stays away from girls he finds attractive so he doesn't have any inner conflict while dating you.
- Date posted
- 3y
No, i shouldn't talk to men because they are attractive. I can talk to attractive men. But I shouldn't have my main reason for talking to someone be because they are attractive. It's not controlling. It makes sense. Why would he feel the need to talk to another girl because she is attractive? If it's not my intent before hand then it's not an issue, but I'm overthinking weather I choose to talk to the person because they are attractive or not
- Date posted
- 3y
OCD will always make you doubt and it will always take things out of context. OCD takes things you fear and with the intrusive thoughts it creates doubt for you. You are not alone. I deal with the theme of false memory and OCD will make me think horrible things about myself but remember OCD will always attack your morals and values and creates doubt around the things you care about and create untrue scenarios and false messages. You will get through this. I just started working on ERP and it's not easy but I'm taking it one step at a time. Have you started or considered ERP therapy?
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel the same way at times. Sometimes I wonder if I dress up because care what other guys think of me. One of my lab partners at school is attractive and I worried if I wanted him to like me. He was nice to me and I wondered why I liked it. Do I want to be with him? What if I hurt my bf? Thankfully my bf is supportive and tells me that it is okay to find other people attractive because we are human. I don’t want to reassure you but being in a relationship doesn’t make you stop finding other people attractive. I try to tell myself this too. We can’t try to avoid everyone who we find attractive. This is where therapy becomes helpful. I haven’t started mine yet but hopefully I can soon. Right now I am also dealing with this on my own. It’s really scary to doubt my faithfulness. I really know how you feel. I usually say to myself “yes I find him attractive and that’s okay.” I don’t know if this is the correct way but it helps me sometimes.
- Date posted
- 3y
I get this! I started working at my current job when my relationship with my boyfriend was just kicking off and I thought that because I found some of the men around me attractive that I must have not had genuine feelings for my boyfriend and I almost talked myself out of my relationship, which I'm glad I didn't because I'm incredibly happy and secure in it. I didn't realize I could have possibly had OCD and that was what it was stemming from so it made me pretty unhappy for a while, and now at college I had a similar issue for a few days. I'm glad it isn't just me!
- Date posted
- 3y
Add on: I would like to clarify this is a rule we both set in our relationship. We are allowed to find other people attractive and talk to attractive people, BUT our main insensitive shouldn't be to talk to them BECAUSE they are attractive. My brain had the thought "oh he's attractive I shouldn't talk to him" and then I did, I think I talked to him BECAUSE he is attractive. (but I also might be overthinking it) I broke a rule we had established in our relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
Resist the compulsion to confess. If you feel an urge to confess things after obsessing, it's the ocd and it will not making anything better.
- Date posted
- 3y
It's completley normal to think other people are attractive, or even be attracted to them while in a relationship with someone else. It sounds like you did nothing wrong.
- Date posted
- 3y
And you would have said welcome to the new co-worker regardless of what they look like. We talk to many people everyday no matter what they look like. Just recognize the negative messages OCD is trying to attach meaning to when there is no meaning there.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think there are always gonna be people that you immediately find attractive that you are going to want to talk to or need to talk to and that it’s unrealistic to have the expectation of never doing that or to blame yourself when you do do it. I talk to people I find hot all the time and I know I find them hot but then I still go about my day and I tell my partner about it too just cause I feel like it and we have been happy together for over 2 years.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think it’s important to respect rules in a relationship but also make sure the rules are realistic!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
Kinda spiraling. In one of my classes there was a girl that was a senior and I was a junior. We got put in a table group of 4 next to eachother for a unit with my friend also there and some girl that I knew from orchestra. I’m now scared if I was too close to her like physically. I never touched her obviously bc that’s weird. I think I was talking to my now gf at the time or maybe even dating her I’m not sure. There was this time we had to play quiziz on our Chromebooks and we got randomly selected in a group together with me her and one of my other guy friends. I’m worried that what if we were too close physically, what if my arm was touching hers or something. I know that my friend Jack was in the middle so he needed to see the screen and I also wouldn’t have went super close to her. I’m writing this bc I’m just super worried. I never talked to her outside of that class and really outside of that unit when everyone moved tables again. Whenever our teacher did demonstrations I feel like I looked at her too much and now I’m scared, even though I just look around but I feel like my eyes went to her. I would never cheat on my gf so this whole situation is bothering me. I also one time just curiously checked if she followed me on insta and we didn’t have eachother added and I saw her bf on her profile and I was like “aww that’s cute”. What if I was acting on attraction in the classroom, I’m scared
- Date posted
- 11w
Hi so I have many themes of ocd and recently I found this guy attractive at work (which is fine no issue in that) however of corse my ocd gives me so many thoughts of how I’m acting around him and I even move away when he comes close because I’m scared I might touch him or he might touch me and it means I’ve cheated on my bf etc. however on my break I had the erge to talk to him more because I found him attractive so I spoke to him more. Only about his car etc but I felt more drawn to talk to him. I’m now scared I’ve cheated and this has left me bed bound for a while. Some people have said it’s cheating but those are strangers without ocd. I’m just so scared. I’m a loyal person but this one situation really scared me I need opinions if this is ocd or not
- Date posted
- 10w
there is this guy in my university. i think he looks good. but since im so afraid of liking someone else, everytime i see him i have wild intrusive thoughts about him. everytime he looks at me i imagine the tension. i hate it so much i hate him so much. yesterday, i saw him look at me multiple times but i avoided the thought. after a while, the picture of him wanting me desperately came to mind again and i thought “what if he liked me and what if he came and told me that i want a relationship with you” and i imagined that. i instantly got pulled and felt like id wanna be with him. like really really wanna be with him. and simultaneously i was terrified of thinking that so in the back of my mind i was screaming NO NO DONT THINK THIS and it felt like i was falling off from a building. but i thought it again and i had the same feeling. I love my boyfriend to death, i feel like im betraying him. Am i? I realized after days of rumination, that I had no reason for my attraction. Its not like I had any kind of physical bodily attraction. I thought the face was nice. But I didn’t even know the person. Why would I feel such a strong urge to be with someone I don’t even know? I thought it was invalid, but I strongly think it is because I have projected a personality on him that I would want to be with. He held a meeting today. Hes my colleague in a club. I was in the meeting. For the first half hour, I was stressed because I hadn’t written down a thought I had previously had. I was doing my work simultaneously. I was talking to people simultaneously. When I paid attention to the guy, I thought “yeah see he’s just a normal person, plus he has an ugly voice” the minute I thought this, I turned into a fan girl of his fully and I loved the voice I felt like I had a crush. And then I panicked. I moved past it. After a while, while he was talking, a little girl screamed in the background. I immediately pictured his younger sister. Like I pictured him having a sister and she looked kindof yk like him. Basically my first instinct was oh she might be so cute. See I think he looks nice, so I kinda pictured him having a sister who was pretty and all cute like how he looked. And then I flipped out while at the same time getting a one second black out, after which I had flashes and images of him being a father and me being attracted to that. I just got random flashes of images and I felt attracted to that I think. Im not too sure. I don’t remember any feeling/ thought/ order at all. It kept on replaying in my head and while contemplating about it I thought it is probably cuz I don’t know anything about their personal lives so it feels enticing to know that they have a personal life beyond work(since they’re professional connections.). After this, I had a billion other thoughts of this sort. “why am I still thinking of him” “does this mean I like him” “who thinks that” *replaying the thought over and over* “maybe he likes me” all these situational thoughts. I can’t even ground myself by thinking about love for my bf. “I love him I want him so bad” “no you don’t” “he’s the best” “you don’t really think that” “how will u handle ur life other guys ur relationship ur hectic schedulel” “fuck up” “these thoughts r supposed to be normal” “its just attraction” “attraction for so long? Everytime u see him?” “youre gonna try to downplay the thoughts like u always do” “this is not normal” I just froze there crying till I couldn’t breathe for 45 minutes. Next morning, I woke up thinking its just something that is not important, I love my boyfriend so much I should put my energy here. I was then called in for a meeting. I pictured the guy just being in university and I felt like normal softness towards him, I got pulled. And then after a while I saw his fair through the online meeting I was worried ill think something wrong. Then I heard him talk to a girl and I was worried ill think im jealous and get jealous. Then after avoiding the thought for a while I got the thought, I felt like I was jealous. But at the same time I was so anxious because I didn’t wanna think like this. And after that I saw him again and I pictured me being with him there next to him in a flash and then I got anxiety and I’m here now.
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