- Username
- tiredsoul
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I think your boyfriend is being overly possessive for saying that and it sounds like he could be doing more harm to you for controlling who you speak to than you could ever do to him just by being a kind person who talked to others. Don’t assume you’re doing something bad just because he says it is because sometimes people want to totally control your l life.
I think your boyfriend is mixing up finding someone attractive with liking someone in a more than friends way. There's a difference. It also sounds like projection. For him, he stays away from girls he finds attractive so he doesn't have any inner conflict while dating you.
No, i shouldn't talk to men because they are attractive. I can talk to attractive men. But I shouldn't have my main reason for talking to someone be because they are attractive. It's not controlling. It makes sense. Why would he feel the need to talk to another girl because she is attractive? If it's not my intent before hand then it's not an issue, but I'm overthinking weather I choose to talk to the person because they are attractive or not
OCD will always make you doubt and it will always take things out of context. OCD takes things you fear and with the intrusive thoughts it creates doubt for you. You are not alone. I deal with the theme of false memory and OCD will make me think horrible things about myself but remember OCD will always attack your morals and values and creates doubt around the things you care about and create untrue scenarios and false messages. You will get through this. I just started working on ERP and it's not easy but I'm taking it one step at a time. Have you started or considered ERP therapy?
I feel the same way at times. Sometimes I wonder if I dress up because care what other guys think of me. One of my lab partners at school is attractive and I worried if I wanted him to like me. He was nice to me and I wondered why I liked it. Do I want to be with him? What if I hurt my bf? Thankfully my bf is supportive and tells me that it is okay to find other people attractive because we are human. I don’t want to reassure you but being in a relationship doesn’t make you stop finding other people attractive. I try to tell myself this too. We can’t try to avoid everyone who we find attractive. This is where therapy becomes helpful. I haven’t started mine yet but hopefully I can soon. Right now I am also dealing with this on my own. It’s really scary to doubt my faithfulness. I really know how you feel. I usually say to myself “yes I find him attractive and that’s okay.” I don’t know if this is the correct way but it helps me sometimes.
I get this! I started working at my current job when my relationship with my boyfriend was just kicking off and I thought that because I found some of the men around me attractive that I must have not had genuine feelings for my boyfriend and I almost talked myself out of my relationship, which I'm glad I didn't because I'm incredibly happy and secure in it. I didn't realize I could have possibly had OCD and that was what it was stemming from so it made me pretty unhappy for a while, and now at college I had a similar issue for a few days. I'm glad it isn't just me!
Add on: I would like to clarify this is a rule we both set in our relationship. We are allowed to find other people attractive and talk to attractive people, BUT our main insensitive shouldn't be to talk to them BECAUSE they are attractive. My brain had the thought "oh he's attractive I shouldn't talk to him" and then I did, I think I talked to him BECAUSE he is attractive. (but I also might be overthinking it) I broke a rule we had established in our relationship
Resist the compulsion to confess. If you feel an urge to confess things after obsessing, it's the ocd and it will not making anything better.
It's completley normal to think other people are attractive, or even be attracted to them while in a relationship with someone else. It sounds like you did nothing wrong.
And you would have said welcome to the new co-worker regardless of what they look like. We talk to many people everyday no matter what they look like. Just recognize the negative messages OCD is trying to attach meaning to when there is no meaning there.
I think there are always gonna be people that you immediately find attractive that you are going to want to talk to or need to talk to and that it’s unrealistic to have the expectation of never doing that or to blame yourself when you do do it. I talk to people I find hot all the time and I know I find them hot but then I still go about my day and I tell my partner about it too just cause I feel like it and we have been happy together for over 2 years.
I think it’s important to respect rules in a relationship but also make sure the rules are realistic!
I just started dating this guy not too many months ago. he is everything i ever wanted and he treats me right. but now my OCD intrusive thoughts are creeping back in. ones like “do i love him/like him” and like “i have to tell him im having these horrible OCD thoughts or we will never know how i truly feel.” but i know i love/like him. And sometimes I’ll be having a good day and then BAM, the thoughts smack me in the face and i get stuck in an anxious loop and it ruins my mood. how can i break this compulsion without feeling so anxious and do i tell him i’m having these thoughts to relieve the anxiety?
I keep feeling bad that I didn’t find my partner that cute at first. I didn’t think he was unattractive but when I first met him it was at work and him and this other guy were new. I thought the other guy was more attractive at the time. I even vocalized it to a friend. NOW my boyfriend is my whole world and I think he’s the most handsome man ever. Even more handsome than the guy I originally thought was cute. I don’t have a problem with his appearance or anything. I just feel guilty over not finding him more attractive than the other guy. It feels wrong and of course my thoughts are saying I should tell him this but I know it’ll just hurt his feelings.
I've just started dating this really great girl. She doesn't know about my ocd which is fine but I've noticed that a lot of my intrusive thoughts and worries about not following routines now revolve around losing her or her believing I'm a bad person. I just don't want this relationship to make me so paranoid. I also know have this where if I see a girl on my Instagram or on the Internet, I'll feel an overwhelming urge to clean myself and the device I viewed it on. This is part of a moral reaction and I also worry I'm not being loyal. I feel I should try and not follow through with these compulsions but as they now revolve around keeping my girlfriend I'm not sure. Any advice?
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