Anyone have questions about HOCD? Im a survivor

Yes so many but don’t know how to put them across… if the thoughts feel so real and natural how do i know pay attention to that.. earlier they felt intrusive and forced but now cause they have persisted for so long they are just there and like always anything i see can get those thoughts and even like without force and if i am thinking about it and it feels more real than it ever has how do i not agree to it?!? What do i tell myself?!?!

Wanna do a discord call? Im totally willing to answer any questions

It's like OCD had infiltrated my brain and my identity. Every thought relates to ocd, every person I meet, every action I do. It makes me think it's not ocd and that it's just internalized homophobia. I have moments where I'm like "yep. This isn't ocd, it's me" and then others where I'm like "I can't believe I let those thoughts control me it's obviously not me." It just feels like I'll never get away from it. I've don't therapy, I've done ERP, but it doesn't go away which makes me think maybe it's just me. It drives me crazy :/

I relate to this

So even with therapy if it doesn’t help then what?!? What is one supposed to do? Idk if i even want to do therapy do i want to?!? Is a question i constantly ask and if the answer is a no and if i am calm i am like why don’t you want to what have you accepted?!? And if its a yes then idk how that will turn out… if i am living with it sometimes i start thinking i have these thoughts i am not getting anxious I don’t think about getting instant help nothing reassures me anymore so what am I supposed to actually think ??!?

First you must accept that it kind of is homophobia. Thats why the H is there. We have those moments where we are confident that its not us and moments when we are at our lowest when we feel like giving up and just saying im so done ig i am bi or gay. Its ok when you have those raging thoughts sit down or lay down in a quiet space and tell your brain slowly to relax slowly your thoughts will begin to dissapear but when you wake up they will come back. Which is ok. Everytime you feel like you are about to slip into overthinking or what I used to call was a “ocd seizure” id lay down and meditate and becomr quiet.

**done therapy

I don’t want to be okay with this cause it’s torture my brain is exhausted and i wanna get rid of this for good!!!!!!! Pls help me hocd thoughts feel too real and strong to not pay attention to and what of they are what then? Can hocd actually make you think that you like these thoughts over time ? And that you wanna fulfill them and idk but yeah just make you feel that you genuinely do want to indulge in them? Using the word genuine could actually mean they could be cause i used it so easy and did i feel anxious about it?!? What is happening to me?!! I am tired i wanna give up

@Brave through Its ok. They arent real. I know that they do feel like it. But our brain is the most powerful thing in the world and with ocd it feels like its our own enemy. I honestly do hate my brain till this day. The brain feels like it can sometimes and most of the time override our hearts. Because our brain controls our movements, thoughts, and feelings. And when your brain questions you every second of the day you will begin to feel your fear taking over you by overfocusing on the future your feelings and emmotions will follow. But. The ocd brain is actually the most powerful because remember smart people overthink and the ones who are just happy go lucky can never think outside the box. Those feelings you have towards the same sex you have to just do this and you can trick your brain. Forget about it. You can do that.

@Anonymous help How do I forget about it I looked on you tube about sexuality being fluid and now am like is that me then I started to gag I really can’t stand this I almost committed suicid one time when it got this bad it feels so real it tell me to tell my girl friend that am gay but I just don’t believe it it is like a bad dream that I would love to wake up from.

@kyle g tucker Yes i understand i self harmed and almost tried to commit suicide. You can read my posts from when it all began. Our brain makes it feel so real. But its a fight think if it as a way to defeat your brain and take control.

@Anonymous help I can’t seem to see your comment on my first post, this has been going on for 2 years I’m on fluoxetine it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I’m meant to be going on Clomipramine and having CBT. I feel like loved ones try and avoid me because they don’t want to listen anymore which makes me worse

@kyle g tucker If loved ones truly loved you they would stay comfort you and try to work things out

When does this tournament end ?I been suffering for nearly 2 years now am straight I can’t understand why this is even a thing I just want my life back fed up of always being on edge and the thoughts telling me that I don’t want to be with my girl friend who I have 2 kids with it all started at work guys being guys joking around and saying no wonder gay guys are happy and...... boooom it a started saying I am gay over and over it got to the point we’re I couldn’t work and I kept running off to the toilet trying to figure out what was going on..here I am still stuck nearly 2 years letter I have try saying maybe maybe not but it is so hard I just hate this I don’t know if it is ocd or not but it sure feels like it but it feels so real please! Can’t you give me any advice ?

Hey Kyle. Sounds like you have HOCD and a little bit of ROCD (Relationship ocd). Does your partner know of this? Your way of how it started is kind of like how mine started after my breakup with my first ex my friend said watch out you might become gay or bi and then boom i had almost seizure like panic attacks so on so fourth. Mine ended after 1 year. But the thoughts pop up every once in a while because it was so drilled into my head i couldnt get around it. Its not real. Trust me. If you were gay or bi you would have just walked it off like it was nothing. Instead here u are worries about becoming that. If you are worried you wont become it. Your brain will come up with thr most stupidest to the stupid that will just make u go alr now you are definitely my brain. When i had this i imagined sexual inter course with my mom. Yeah gross right? But that went away eventually and it made me realize yup this is my brain. Read up om what i said to the others about calming your brain it really does work but you have to be persistent with it

Yeah she does know about it but she just can’t listen to it any more cause it the same thing every day ask did I show any signs or have acted gay their is no end to it at all it is every day just want to get over this now and get on with life

I just don’t get this I have liked girls and now women all or my life but now the ocd mind set is like no your changing am 27 now and it sucks so bad it’s not fair on my family at all this is the only topic I can think of or talk about i am like a broken record going on and on it is pushing my love ones away just wish it would stop now 2 years is more then enough for me