- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
It's like OCD had infiltrated my brain and my identity. Every thought relates to ocd, every person I meet, every action I do. It makes me think it's not ocd and that it's just internalized homophobia. I have moments where I'm like "yep. This isn't ocd, it's me" and then others where I'm like "I can't believe I let those thoughts control me it's obviously not me." It just feels like I'll never get away from it. I've don't therapy, I've done ERP, but it doesn't go away which makes me think maybe it's just me. It drives me crazy :/
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate to this
- Date posted
- 3y
So even with therapy if it doesn’t help then what?!? What is one supposed to do? Idk if i even want to do therapy do i want to?!? Is a question i constantly ask and if the answer is a no and if i am calm i am like why don’t you want to what have you accepted?!? And if its a yes then idk how that will turn out… if i am living with it sometimes i start thinking i have these thoughts i am not getting anxious I don’t think about getting instant help nothing reassures me anymore so what am I supposed to actually think ??!?
- Date posted
- 3y
First you must accept that it kind of is homophobia. Thats why the H is there. We have those moments where we are confident that its not us and moments when we are at our lowest when we feel like giving up and just saying im so done ig i am bi or gay. Its ok when you have those raging thoughts sit down or lay down in a quiet space and tell your brain slowly to relax slowly your thoughts will begin to dissapear but when you wake up they will come back. Which is ok. Everytime you feel like you are about to slip into overthinking or what I used to call was a “ocd seizure” id lay down and meditate and becomr quiet.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes so many but don’t know how to put them across… if the thoughts feel so real and natural how do i know pay attention to that.. earlier they felt intrusive and forced but now cause they have persisted for so long they are just there and like always anything i see can get those thoughts and even like without force and if i am thinking about it and it feels more real than it ever has how do i not agree to it?!? What do i tell myself?!?!
- Date posted
- 3y
Wanna do a discord call? Im totally willing to answer any questions
- Date posted
- 3y
**done therapy
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t want to be okay with this cause it’s torture my brain is exhausted and i wanna get rid of this for good!!!!!!! Pls help me hocd thoughts feel too real and strong to not pay attention to and what of they are what then? Can hocd actually make you think that you like these thoughts over time ? And that you wanna fulfill them and idk but yeah just make you feel that you genuinely do want to indulge in them? Using the word genuine could actually mean they could be cause i used it so easy and did i feel anxious about it?!? What is happening to me?!! I am tired i wanna give up
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through Its ok. They arent real. I know that they do feel like it. But our brain is the most powerful thing in the world and with ocd it feels like its our own enemy. I honestly do hate my brain till this day. The brain feels like it can sometimes and most of the time override our hearts. Because our brain controls our movements, thoughts, and feelings. And when your brain questions you every second of the day you will begin to feel your fear taking over you by overfocusing on the future your feelings and emmotions will follow. But. The ocd brain is actually the most powerful because remember smart people overthink and the ones who are just happy go lucky can never think outside the box. Those feelings you have towards the same sex you have to just do this and you can trick your brain. Forget about it. You can do that.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help How do I forget about it I looked on you tube about sexuality being fluid and now am like is that me then I started to gag I really can’t stand this I almost committed suicid one time when it got this bad it feels so real it tell me to tell my girl friend that am gay but I just don’t believe it it is like a bad dream that I would love to wake up from.
- Date posted
- 3y
@kyle g tucker Yes i understand i self harmed and almost tried to commit suicide. You can read my posts from when it all began. Our brain makes it feel so real. But its a fight think if it as a way to defeat your brain and take control.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help I can’t seem to see your comment on my first post, this has been going on for 2 years I’m on fluoxetine it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I’m meant to be going on Clomipramine and having CBT. I feel like loved ones try and avoid me because they don’t want to listen anymore which makes me worse
- Date posted
- 3y
@kyle g tucker If loved ones truly loved you they would stay comfort you and try to work things out
- Date posted
- 3y
When does this tournament end ?I been suffering for nearly 2 years now am straight I can’t understand why this is even a thing I just want my life back fed up of always being on edge and the thoughts telling me that I don’t want to be with my girl friend who I have 2 kids with it all started at work guys being guys joking around and saying no wonder gay guys are happy and...... boooom it a started saying I am gay over and over it got to the point we’re I couldn’t work and I kept running off to the toilet trying to figure out what was going on..here I am still stuck nearly 2 years letter I have try saying maybe maybe not but it is so hard I just hate this I don’t know if it is ocd or not but it sure feels like it but it feels so real please! Can’t you give me any advice ?
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey Kyle. Sounds like you have HOCD and a little bit of ROCD (Relationship ocd). Does your partner know of this? Your way of how it started is kind of like how mine started after my breakup with my first ex my friend said watch out you might become gay or bi and then boom i had almost seizure like panic attacks so on so fourth. Mine ended after 1 year. But the thoughts pop up every once in a while because it was so drilled into my head i couldnt get around it. Its not real. Trust me. If you were gay or bi you would have just walked it off like it was nothing. Instead here u are worries about becoming that. If you are worried you wont become it. Your brain will come up with thr most stupidest to the stupid that will just make u go alr now you are definitely my brain. When i had this i imagined sexual inter course with my mom. Yeah gross right? But that went away eventually and it made me realize yup this is my brain. Read up om what i said to the others about calming your brain it really does work but you have to be persistent with it
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah she does know about it but she just can’t listen to it any more cause it the same thing every day ask did I show any signs or have acted gay their is no end to it at all it is every day just want to get over this now and get on with life
- Date posted
- 3y
I just don’t get this I have liked girls and now women all or my life but now the ocd mind set is like no your changing am 27 now and it sucks so bad it’s not fair on my family at all this is the only topic I can think of or talk about i am like a broken record going on and on it is pushing my love ones away just wish it would stop now 2 years is more then enough for me
- Date posted
- 3y
Listen...my mom and dad helped me. They are anti LGBQT. They still calmed me and helped me. Your wife and your parents should look it up and read about it to get more of an understanding
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi everyone, I’m Andrea and I am a member of the Intake Team here at NOCD. In junior high, I was known as the “aneurysm girl” because I was convinced any small headache meant I was dying. At just 12 years old, I read something that triggered my OCD, and from that moment on, my brain latched onto catastrophic health fears. Any strange sensation in my body felt like proof that something was seriously wrong. I constantly sought reassurance, avoided being alone, and felt trapped in an endless cycle of fear. Over time, my OCD shifted themes, but health anxiety was always there, lurking in the background. I turned to drinking to numb my mind, trying to escape the fear that never let up. Then, in 2016, everything spiraled. I was sitting at work, feeling completely fine, when suddenly my vision felt strange—something was “off.” My mind convinced me I was having a stroke. I called an ambulance, launching myself into one of the darkest periods of my life. I visited doctors multiple times a week, terrified I was dying, yet every test came back normal. The fear never loosened its grip. For years, I cycled in and out of therapy, desperately trying to find answers, but no one recognized what was really happening. I was always told I had anxiety or depression, but OCD was never mentioned. I was suicidal, believing I would never escape the torment of my mind. It wasn’t until 2022—after years of struggling, hitting rock bottom, and finally seeking specialized OCD treatment—that I got the right diagnosis. ERP therapy at NOCD was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Today, I’m 34, sober, and living a life I never thought was possible. Do I still have hard days? Absolutely. But I am no longer a prisoner to my fears. The thoughts still come, but they don’t control me anymore. They don’t dictate my every move. Life isn’t perfect, but it no longer knocks me off my feet. If you’re struggling with health OCD or somatic OCD, I see you. I know how terrifying and isolating it can be. But I also know that it can get better. If you have any questions about health & somatic OCD, ERP, and breaking the OCD cycle, I’d love to tell you what I’ve learned first hand. Drop your questions below, and I’ll answer all of them!
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
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