For anyone Christian. What if I did something so bad I can not forgive myself. How in the world is God going to forgive me?! I’m reading “God’s wisdom for navigating life” and it says don’t do things you can’t justify before God, because you need to be weary of judgement day. Okay so basically is that saying I get to go to heaven because he will forgive me but when judgment day comes around I’m getting thrown into hell ?!?! How am I supposed to sleep now?

I’ve started reading the Bible. I’m trying to convince myself I’m not going to go to hell. I just can’t stop thinking that because of something I did I deserve to be in hell. It says if you committed a sin unknowingly that will be taken into account, but the same goes if you did it willingly. Thing is I did something horrible because of my OCD obsessions and I KNEW it was horrible and wrong. But I had reached a breaking point, the worst low of my entire life, the darkest spot I have ever been and I pray to God no one here or anywhere ever will reach it. In this I did what I did because even though I was in therapy it didn’t help and I thought “perhaps I am a sociopath” and thought the thing to do would be to carry out with it and then I would know if I was insane and the scary thing is I didn’t think I’ll turn myself in for being a sociopath I thought “I’ll just live my life this way and no one will know. Ill just get good at it and live as a nut job because it’s who I am” but flash forward I found out afterwards that isn’t true because I have been wishing every day since then that I would have just killed myself instead. And thing is idk how much of this is real or a false memory. I know if happened but I hope more than anything I’m exaggerating it due to the years of torment after. Maybe I’m holding onto false hope. Anyway do you guys think God will know that even though I did it, it was my OCD telling me I’m a monster and should just do it? Or do you think this doesn’t matter I’ll probably be sent to hell and for the non religious, do you think it doesn’t matter what God thinks I’m a horrible person?

Can any Christians out there please help me? Do any of you feel that God isn’t forgiving you? I feel very defeated against my OCD and that I feel like praying isn’t doing anything because God doesn’t want to listen to me. There are some parts of the bible that scare me, where God says that if we don’t confess our sins he won’t forgive us, which makes me obsess over if I’m confessing correctly. I feel very conflicted about my past and I’m worried that it’s a weight too heavy for God to carry and forgive me for. Even saying that makes me feel like I’m sinning because I’m not acknowledging God’s power. But I can’t help it because it’s just how my brain works. I wish there was more in the bible to do with mental illness. Any of you have any advice on how to deal with this?

I did something a long time ago that I didn't realize was so bad at the time until a long time later, one night I was about to go to sleep and I remembered doing that thing. It was something I did willingly but it didn't cross my mind at the time at all that what i was doing was so wrong and I didn't know it was that bad if that makes sense. I feel so terrible the guilt is eating me up. I don't know what to do. I would never ever make that same choice or mistake again but its really upsetting me... I'm a Christian and I try to pray about it I even talked to my parents about it they told me to let it go but why is it so hard to?