- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
It's horrible I want to forget it all:(
- Date posted
- 3y
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- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! I just fear I am..because its a gross problem I have..in the past I was definitely really gross. It really grosses me out the things I used to do.. and thoughts that I wanna do some of that again.. terrifies me.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BlueMountain Thank you! Sadly I know its definitely bad but I won't do it again..so maybe I can move on! I won't give my ocd attention today :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@BlueMountain Thank youuu!! ๐
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm right there with you. Some of it I can't even vocalize yet. I was untreated pretty much for many years of this so I developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. We have to leave it, file it with every other problem we have directly related to OCD. There can be a whole lot of that crap in that file.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah your right..thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
@๐ธ My self esteem has been so low at times, I just don't want to deal with it. One time yeeeaaars ago I had the obsession that I was gay. I have no problem with that unprincipled but I'm just not physically attracted to men.(pretty sure it helps if you are;-)) I was going to leave my wife to spare her the pain. One day I just said "Fine! I'm gay. I just have to live that way. Once I gave in to the idea, it became clear to me that it wasn't an actual desire, but a fear of having to disrupt my entire life and live a life I can't even relate to. It passed and never returned. This is way before I knew anything about OCD and intrusive thoughts. Took alot of my own research to really know anything! This is before most had PC's and the internet was non-existent. Still an uphill battle, but wow! We have alot of friends out here!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Steverino I didn't mean "unprincipled" I meant "in principal." Regarding being gay.
- Date posted
- 3y
Im right there with you!! I had my worst depression and anxiety spike when I thought of all the gross disgusting awful things I did as a kid and I feel so sinful and disgusting. I told all those experiences to my boyfriend and I never cried so hard or got so depressed in my life. But now I'm getting better at accepting the past as the past and moving on ๐ it's still scary to think of what I've done, but it's easier than it was
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel some I did this year.. and I'm an adult. I'm 19 :(
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- 3y
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- 3y
Thank you :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young ๐ซ I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 20w
When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like Iโm gonna do it again which I donโt wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I donโt want to, weird I know.
- Date posted
- 16w
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
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