- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel this. Undiagnosed for about 20 years here. Let us look forward with optimism. Life ain't over 'til it's over and every day is a new chance to improve our perspective!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Very true.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi! First off, I’m so sorry that ocd has stolen so much from you. If I can have one wish, i would wish for mental health to never have existed because I turly believe that we ALL deserve happiness. However, I can relate. I’m 28 & have been diagnosed with OCD 2 months ago. I’ve realized signed of OCD since I was 7 but never really thought much of it because of physical compulsions. However that changed 3 months ago when I officially seeked help. I seeked help because the new subtype(s) threaten my identity and my relationship with my now fiancé. It is hard to have self empathy, but I’ve realized that is “normal” for those of us suffering from OCD. We’re one of the most compassionate people with our loved ones but we’re too hard on ourselves. Sometimes I do think that my fiancé deserves someone so much more better than me.. someone who’s not a burden because of her mental health. However, I also know from my heart that I love him and I DO deserve to be happy also. Sometimes ocd makes us doubt that we’re ever going to recover.. especially on days when ocd hits a little harder. But don’t give up! I know we can do it. Look at how far NOCD got and how we’re so blessed to have them around this lifetime. I can’t imagine what it was like years ago. Stay strong!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish that too. It was even harder for me because I do have some checking compulsions, but 95% of my compulsions are mental rather than physical. Which means its much easier to hide. I am so incredibly thankful NOCD. It has changed my life.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Lms526 Same here. My compulsions are 95% mental. I make up scenarios to making up conversations to questioning to checking. It’s so annoying and tiring. I wish they were more physical. Being here, reading and answering posts seems like a compulsions now 😭
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous trust me, you do not want 6 hour showers and bleeding skin.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@teeth I had compulsive hand washing for a couple months last year when COVID first started. My hands were, red, chapped, and very sore. I can't even imagine having it long term. I wish none of us had compulsions at all. Physical or mental. I wouldn't wish OCD on my worst enemy.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Lms526 Sorry, I also wish that none of us had mental health! Really is the worst of the worst
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah. I don't have an official diagnosis but I can't doubt that I have OCD. My OCD started this year, fortunately I was able to identify OCD a couple months ago. I really feel bad that your OCD has taken away so much from you :( OCD has caused me immense anxiety and it is probably the worst thing I've experienced in my life. I can't afford therapy and I don't understand ERP well enough to do it myself. But I'll keep on trying.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
There's a really good book that explains ERP very well. Its available on Amazon and called Daring to Challenge OCD by Dr. Joan Davidson. Also check out OCD Stories Post.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel this, a lot. its taken so, so much from me after going untreated and undiagnosed for so many years. heartbreaking, but I just beat myself up for it constantly.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 10w ago
It’s been 4 years. 4 years since I spiralled into a world controlled by rituals of 4, it started as 2, then 3, then 4 - my safe number. The amount of times I wash my hands after touching something dirty and how many repeats it takes until I feel ‘clean’, the amount of taps I make when closing doors to make sure I don’t ‘die’, the amount of times I rinse cutlery and plates before eating off them, the amount of times I disinfect things. My OCD subtype is contamination and I know 2020 lockdowns and the pandemic caused it to spiral but what started as a small ritual quickly became bigger until I no longer remembered what my life was like without the obsessive thoughts of germs and contamination. Could that person be ill? What if I go outside to the shops and someone makes me sick? You can’t answer the door to get that package from the delivery driver because he might make you sick, oh you can’t put the shopping away without disinfecting it first - what if someone has coughed on it? ‘I’ve got to wear gloves to do that’ I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. For 4 years I’ve lived like this, the ‘I don’t want to touch that’ or ‘I can’t go to this place because I don’t want to get ill and die’ ‘can you go do that for me as I don’t think I can right now’ - I know my OCD is irrational, I know the likelihood of those things actually happening are slim to none and I know my OCD stems from a need of control in my life because for so many years I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. But no matter how much I know of how many books I read, how many mindful practices I do the panic I feel after being ‘exposed’ or before exposing myself to a trigger is horrible. I’ve avoided and avoided and avoided to the point where something small now seems and feels like an impossible mountain to climb. It often feels like there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, when I know there is, it’s just going to take some time. Despite this on the outside to those not in my circle my life is a whole picture perfect painting. I run my own business, have a nice car, a nice house, a happy relationship and the of best friends and I’m so grateful for all those things but the reality is much different - behind closed doors and hidden in the closest is the OCD monster. I’ve decided now, after 4 years it’s time to change. I’m breaking the cycle and starting anew. The irony that 4 is my safe number too and it’s been 4 years since things started to get dark. I’m ready to lose control and find myself again. Why am I writing this? Honestly, I really don’t know. I found this app recently and hope it can be a help for my ERP practices I’ve been practicing on my own and it’s actually the first time I’ve ever openly posted or spoken about my OCD to date. For years I have lived with a huge amount of shame and embarrassment, hiding my issues from everyone - even my closest friends have no idea how much it impacts my day to day. I’ve felt shame as I can’t control my own mind despite knowing the thoughts are irrational and the rituals only provide temporary relief but each day again and again the safety blanket of the rituals wraps me up and takes over. The only person who truly knows how much it affects me is my partner, who has been by my side through it all, he’s burnt out and has seen first hand the impact it has had on me, my life and my happiness. I’ve sheltered him as much as I can, but I’m sure those who are in relationships with OCD can relate to the burnout their partner feels day in day out. So that’s my story, I hope those going through similar can take comfort in this and know they aren’t alone in it all as my OCD has made me feel so incredibly lonely, isolated and empty for 4 years too long. It feels freeing to finally share my monster and I hope I can connect with others who are on a similar journey to me. The biggest thing I want to be able to do again? I want to be able to hug my loved ones without feeling triggered, I want to go outside and enjoy life without worry, I want to live again. This app has made me feel seen for the first time in a long time and reading your stories, your experiences and how you’re coping is comforting, encouraging and makes me feel less alone ❤️ thank you for reading x
- Date posted
- 10w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
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