- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel this. Undiagnosed for about 20 years here. Let us look forward with optimism. Life ain't over 'til it's over and every day is a new chance to improve our perspective!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Very true.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi! First off, I’m so sorry that ocd has stolen so much from you. If I can have one wish, i would wish for mental health to never have existed because I turly believe that we ALL deserve happiness. However, I can relate. I’m 28 & have been diagnosed with OCD 2 months ago. I’ve realized signed of OCD since I was 7 but never really thought much of it because of physical compulsions. However that changed 3 months ago when I officially seeked help. I seeked help because the new subtype(s) threaten my identity and my relationship with my now fiancé. It is hard to have self empathy, but I’ve realized that is “normal” for those of us suffering from OCD. We’re one of the most compassionate people with our loved ones but we’re too hard on ourselves. Sometimes I do think that my fiancé deserves someone so much more better than me.. someone who’s not a burden because of her mental health. However, I also know from my heart that I love him and I DO deserve to be happy also. Sometimes ocd makes us doubt that we’re ever going to recover.. especially on days when ocd hits a little harder. But don’t give up! I know we can do it. Look at how far NOCD got and how we’re so blessed to have them around this lifetime. I can’t imagine what it was like years ago. Stay strong!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish that too. It was even harder for me because I do have some checking compulsions, but 95% of my compulsions are mental rather than physical. Which means its much easier to hide. I am so incredibly thankful NOCD. It has changed my life.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Lms526 Same here. My compulsions are 95% mental. I make up scenarios to making up conversations to questioning to checking. It’s so annoying and tiring. I wish they were more physical. Being here, reading and answering posts seems like a compulsions now 😭
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous trust me, you do not want 6 hour showers and bleeding skin.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@teeth I had compulsive hand washing for a couple months last year when COVID first started. My hands were, red, chapped, and very sore. I can't even imagine having it long term. I wish none of us had compulsions at all. Physical or mental. I wouldn't wish OCD on my worst enemy.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Lms526 Sorry, I also wish that none of us had mental health! Really is the worst of the worst
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah. I don't have an official diagnosis but I can't doubt that I have OCD. My OCD started this year, fortunately I was able to identify OCD a couple months ago. I really feel bad that your OCD has taken away so much from you :( OCD has caused me immense anxiety and it is probably the worst thing I've experienced in my life. I can't afford therapy and I don't understand ERP well enough to do it myself. But I'll keep on trying.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
There's a really good book that explains ERP very well. Its available on Amazon and called Daring to Challenge OCD by Dr. Joan Davidson. Also check out OCD Stories Post.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel this, a lot. its taken so, so much from me after going untreated and undiagnosed for so many years. heartbreaking, but I just beat myself up for it constantly.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 11w ago
December 14, 2024, marked two years since my first ERP therapy session with my NOCD therapist, Mixi. And October 2024 marked a year of being free from OCD. It was not an easy journey, confronting my fears face to face. Exposing myself to the images and thoughts my brain kept throwing at me, accepting that I might be the worst mother, that my daughter wouldn’t love me, and that I deserved to be considered a bad person. It was challenging having to say, “Yes, I am those things,” feeling the desire to run, but realizing the thoughts followed me. At the start of my therapy, I remember feeling like I couldn’t do this anymore. Life felt unbearable, and I felt so weak. I longed for a time before the OCD, before the flare-ups, before the anxiety, the daily panic attacks. I thought I’d never be myself again. But I now know that ERP saved my life. The first couple of sessions were tough. I wasn’t fully present. I lied to my therapist about what my actual thoughts were, fearing judgment. I pretended that the exposures were working, but when the sessions ended, I went back to not sleeping, constantly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. But my therapist never judged me. She made me feel safe to be honest with her. She understood OCD and never faltered in supporting me, even when I admitted I had been lying and still continued my compulsions. My biggest milestone in therapy was being 100% transparent with my therapist. That was when real change began. At first, I started small—simply reading the words that terrified me: "bad mom," "hated," "unloved." Then, I worked on listening to those words while doing dishes—not completely stopping my rumination, but noticing it. Just 15 minutes, my therapist said. It wasn’t easy. At one point, I found myself thinking, “Will I ever feel like myself again?” But I kept pushing through. Slowly, I built tolerance and moved to face-to-face exposures—sitting alone with my daughter, leaning into the thought that my siblings might die, reading articles about my worst fears, and calling myself the things I feared. Each session was challenging, but with time, the thoughts started to lose their grip. By my eleventh session, I started to realize: OCD was here, and it wasn’t going away, but I could keep living my life despite it. I didn’t need to wait for it to be quiet or go away to move on. Slowly, it began to quiet down, and I started to feel like myself again. In fact, I am not my old self anymore—I’m a better version. OCD hasn’t completely disappeared, but it’s quieter now. Most of the time, it doesn’t speak, and when it does, I know how to handle it. The last session with my therapist was emotional. I cried because I was finishing therapy. I remember how, in the beginning, I cried because I thought it was just starting—because I was overwhelmed and terrified. But at the end, I cried because I was sad it was ending. It felt like I had come so far, and part of me wasn’t ready to say goodbye, even though I had already learned so much. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew I was walking away stronger, equipped with the tools to handle OCD on my own. If I could change anything about my journey, it would be being open and honest from the beginning. It was the key to finding true healing. The transparency, the honesty—it opened the door to lasting change. I’m no longer that person who was stuck in constant panic. I’m someone who has fought and survived, and while OCD still appears from time to time, I know it doesn’t define me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Have you started therapy, is something holding you back? Is there something you want to know about ERP therapy? I'll be live in the app answering each and every one today from 6-7pm EST. Please drop them below!
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond