- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I understand you completely. I also had some lesbian dreams and when I woke up I was like: it looked like you were actually enjoying it. That thought distressed me so much. Besides, I’m also feeling numb to men. I know when they’re attractive, but I don’t feel the same way towards them. I don’t have any advice, since this is a new topic for me, but I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. Hope it gets better!
- Date posted
- 3y
I understand that feeling all to well, when I was struggling with SOOCD or HOCD when I slept that was the only time I was free from my thoughts. Literally my only escape from them, and then I started having dreams about it and I killed me. But I got through it, ERP really really helps. It's super scary at first, but I promise you it's worth it.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve had them for years which makes me think it’s just denial :/ I really should practice ERP but I’m so scared it’ll just make me realise I need to come out and have to leave my boyfriend :( Sorry, I know I’m just complaining but today is hard
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- 3y
I also really appreciate your reply, thank you :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@milliemoo No problem, and I had the same fear. I no longer have HOCD as badly as I did before, but I still have little episodes here and there. Now they don't bring me to my knees like they used too, but I just do ERP exercises whenever I have them. I struggled for two years with really really bad HOCD, my chest was always tight cause I was so anxious about it. I stopped hanging/talking with my friends it really took over my life. So I promise you, ERP really helped me and I highly highly recommend it. Also I'm really sorry today is harder then usual, I wish I could give you some encouraging words without giving you reassurance ❤.
- Date posted
- 3y
@milliemoo You’ve had lesbian dreams for years?
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- 3y
@lennygirl On and off yes. I’ve also had this extreme anxiety for 7 years. Why do you ask? This question has made me anxious..
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- 3y
@milliemoo I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you anxious! I’m asking because I have suffered with hocd on and off for 8 years. I was asking because I sometimes have dreams too.
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- 3y
@lennygirl Sorry! I just panicked cos I assumed that you thought I was actually just a lesbian 🙃 you don’t need to apologise! I was just having a particularly hard day with it I hope you’re ok :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi there. I have this same problem going on right now. I am starting ERP with a therapist next week but am terrified that it is going to make me realize that this is not OCD and that my thoughts are true. I have only ever been with men and only want to be with men in the future, but these thoughts are starting to feel so real that it’s making me lose sight of that. Have you ever struggled with feeling like you are losing attraction to the opposite sex? That’s what is scaring me the most lately is that I have spent so much time focusing on these thoughts and ruminating over past experiences trying to analyze how I behaved/felt that I now feel like I don’t have that same natural attraction to men that I always had.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah I can relate to all of that:/
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes actually, when I was going through HOCD I felt numb to men. All my attraction to them was gone, at the time I had never been with anyone, I am now dating the love of my life who is a man. But I remember the day when HOCD set in, it was like a light switch my normal attraction to men was gone. I did ERP on my own cause at the time I couldn't afford therapy of any kind. But I promise you it helps! ❤
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinyTROLL13 Thank you for that, that is so helpful. I’ve always been boy crazy and have loved my past boyfriends, but I haven’t been in a relationship in awhile so I feel like I am forgetting how happy I was when I was in them. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you do your own ERP? I can only afford one or two sessions because my insurance will not cover it but I am too scared to not do it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinyTROLL13 I have that same feeling of numbness right now as well and it’s making the HOCD thoughts 100x scarier to me. Since these thoughts set in, I feel like when I see an attractive man I know he is attractive but I have lost the desire/ambition to pursue him if that makes any sense. I think I have spent so much time reflecting on my past to see how I felt with women since these thoughts started that my brain won’t even let me remember the fact that I have never been with, nor do I ever want to be with women. It is just starting to get to the point where the thoughts feel so real that I starting to freak out that I actually have lost my attraction to men and will never have the future family with a husband and kids that I have always wanted.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 I did my own ERP by (as terrifying as it seems) accepting the thoughts when I had them. I would have a thought and acknowledge that they might be true, and if they are it's not the end of the world. When I started working a new job, my boss was very very gay, (now I have never been homophobic but it distressed me given my current situation) I actually befriended him and through him I realized it wouldn't be a huge deal if I was in fact gay. Something else I did was when I was on my phone if I came across something gay I wouldn't immediately swipe away from it, I would acknowledge it and move on to the best of my ability. Basically you have to force yourself to face your fear just by acknowledging things. I know it sucks but I hope that helps. ❤
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinyTROLL13 I appreciate that. My biggest problem lately has been ruminating on past experiences and convincing myself that my thoughts are 100% true and I am just going to be stuck feeling this way forever. I am so anxious and distraught that I feel this way when I was completely fine two months ago and I would literally give anything to be able to feel normal again.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 I delt with that too, I would think back to things that happened and would think stuff like, "Well maybe that's why I reacted that way, because I was gay and just didn't know it yet." So I completely understand, and unfortunately it's acknowledgement that it may have been the case to move past it. OCD it sees this stuff as a threat so it attacks it, if you show your brain that it's not a threat ot won't attack it as severely. It will come back at times but if you treat it properly, it won't bring you to your knees like it's doing now.
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinyTROLL13 Thank you so much for your help, it has been more that comforting to know that I am not alone in this. Being gay is not something that aligns with my values whatsoever, so the fact that I have to “accept the thoughts” in order to move past them scares the hell out of me. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get your attraction to men back and be able to start seeing your future with a man again? I’m terrified that I’ll never get it back and never be able to find a husband because of these horrible thoughts in my head. This is so isolating.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 That just comes back with time. So basically see your brain as a office, when your brain sees something alarming it starts to search, and when it can't find any solid info it starts throwing papers everywhere. At that point you've lost more things in the mess then you originally started with, but once you started to accept the uncertainty that you may never know for sure about the topic that you were originally looking for, it'll start to no longer see it as a threat and start to clean up, and while cleaning up you start to find things you'd lost in the process of destroying your office in the first place. I hope that makes sense.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.
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- Date posted
- 16w
I have been doing okay for the past week or so and was really happy i felt that i was getting back on track, but today i went on tiktok and i saw something triggering which was “i thought i was a lesbian for 4 years until i met my now boyfriend” and it triggered me very badly, i have been crying all day and i can’t seem to make myself feel okay. i feel like im lying to myself that im not lesbian and i truly want men, but when i get any thought about men it feels disgusting and wrong and not me, i don’t want men i feel so sick i want to get out of this. i always felt so happy as a lesbian im so stuck i don’t want to be with a man. i have a loving girlfriend i just want to be happy with her.
- Date posted
- 14w
I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad
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