- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Did you ever feel like you had found an answer and were completely convinced you were gay? I’m at a stage where every little thing from my past and present my brain is using as evidence that I must be gay? I don’t want it or like it but it feels like all the evidence is there? I know I find the opposite sex attractive but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. If that makes sense? Whereas it feels like I could find the same sex attractive if I let myself, which in itself just feels like denial and fear of the truth? When this started I laughed because it sounded so rediculous but now it feels so real and like I’ve known all along. Idk what to do, I love my gf but how can I carry on like this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hocd is one of the hardest especially in todays society where it is accepted. I did feel like i came so close to being gay. But i found the drive and power to fight for what i loved. In hocd you do loose attraction for the opposite sex for a while. But it is still there. Your gf will support you through anyway she can. Its going to feel dull for while so your brain is just numb to the thoughts at this point im assuming
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help But this feeling of dullness and exhausting sometimes makes me feel like there’s nothing worth fighting for? Even tho at the start of this episode I wanted to stay with my partner so badly. It’s like my brain is so tired it wants to give up
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@BradOCD Your gonna go through probably what i went through. And i am still going through. Its worth fighting for trust me giving in is the easy way out. If you didnt fear it. It would probably be true. You have come so far already just to give up? After HOCD you will probably fall into ROCD relationship ocd it causes you to feel disconnected and you want to stay with your partner so badly. I love mine. But i fought hocd alone. But i found someone who caree about me and im fighting for him and us. I hope ur gf is supportive through it all
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help I started off with ROCD and I can’t lie in someways I miss it because it seemed to much easier to handle than this. This feels like it hits so dip whereas I knew that I was in love with my partner. And some days I feel like I don’t fear it but deep down I do… it’s just so confusing. I feel like I must be one of those rare cases where the thoughts are actually true and this is just me realisation. Idk what to do, I’m just so anxious and when I see my partner what used to be full of love and affection is now full of nothing but empty space.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@BradOCD Its ok dont give up
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help @bradocd how did you both deal with the guilt and shame. I hated myself for a long time for having these because I have a bf. It didn’t make sense to me why when I was never never attracted to the same sex. My whole life Ive always had crushes on males and I knew I loved my partner. Through HOCD, it was more the repeated phrases like ‘I’m gay, I’m lesbian’ which made me so anxious that I avoided all females. (This was before I knew about ocd) Another thing, I felt guilty cause my bf doesn’t deserve this. How are your partners doing in supporting you ? cause it’s hard for someone who hasn’t experienced ocd to understand and I’m/ was scared people are going to think I’m in denial.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mm3 Right now before i met him i found that i wouldnt use him as a crutch. But he supported me through all of that. He knew it was in my head so alot of the times he said if your bi your bi ill still love you and if your gay then you are ill still love you. I had alot of shame before telling my parents because they are both catholic and Christian. My dad had hocd once before so he understood. My mom didnf like that idea and said i wouldnt be able to be under this roof anymore. So i had alot of pressure and shame because I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening to me.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
How long did it take you to recover ? and what did you do ? I think I am towards the end of recovery but my brain still involuntary repeats names. Thanks in advance, I’ve been struggling a lot the last couple days.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It took me a while but i had to focus on something else that being rocd right now. What names are you repeating? Like certain vowels words peoples names?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help the names use to be really bad, I used to be scared to learn someone’s name cause that’s what would be on repeat for the next few hours. It would be on repeat like 50 times a day. constant non stop. It’s been people that I know. People I work with and it use to make me super anxious and nervous when I was around them. It’s a lot better, sometimes I would have no names for a few days even weeks but it comes back like right now and I’m so upset cause of it. It feels like there’s a black cloud over my brain.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mm3 Yes thats a phase. Ive found that ocd has phases that we go through to get through the fear we have
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help so it will go away permanently then ?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mm3 Not really. The thought or phrase you repeat will pop up once in a while but it wont phase u
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help do you take medication ? how long would you say you’ve been recovered ?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mm3 I do I take prozac its been about three months now
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help so you get still get thoughts being on the medication?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@mm3 Um i would say they calm them down alot i dont think medicine can truly heal you i think to bring your ocd down you need to train your brain
- Date posted
- 3y ago
What do you mean you came out as a survivor?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Meaning i came out Straight and not having those thoughts anymore
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help Oh geez I’m so sorry I thought you meant you “came out” after surviving it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Anonymous help How long did u suffer??
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@lennygirl I only suffered for almost 6 months
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@bradocd I know it is so tiring but don’t give up. That’s how ocd is, it is so good at masking as your true feelings and it’s so good at conveniencing you that you like these feelings and thoughts. A piece of advice from someone who helped me. “Trust your truth no matter what goes through your head. Trust your truth while ignoring the lies and let them run their course.” They will fade and you will realised how silly these thoughts were.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
Hey guys, I hope you’re well! My names Matt, and OCD has struck me again 😂 When I was 10 years old I had to attend therapy as I was having excessive intrusive thoughts. P.s. I didn’t even know this was possible at the age of 10! I then completely forgot about it, until 2.5 years ago when I started experiencing ROCD. I really couldn’t understand why I was feeling/thinking this way however, I soon after remembered my struggles as a child and then realised my OCD had returned. Also, my mum has serious OCD so I guess that could be why too. I had a a really hard battle with my emotions and mood due to this however, the last 1.5 years had been really good and I managed it well. I got married and had the best day of my life. 3 months ago, a thought about having an affair in my head appeared, and BOOM, it’s back again. I’m struggling a lot right now however, I’ve accepted that this could be a re occurring theme throughout my life, and it’s time to learn to deal with it again. I’m back on medication and have started ERP therapy, so hopefully it’s on the up from here. I’m not here to list off my triggers and thoughts as this would be me seeking reassurance however, I’m here to show that recovery is certainly possible!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 9w ago
Hi everyone, I’m Andrea and I am a member of the Intake Team here at NOCD. In junior high, I was known as the “aneurysm girl” because I was convinced any small headache meant I was dying. At just 12 years old, I read something that triggered my OCD, and from that moment on, my brain latched onto catastrophic health fears. Any strange sensation in my body felt like proof that something was seriously wrong. I constantly sought reassurance, avoided being alone, and felt trapped in an endless cycle of fear. Over time, my OCD shifted themes, but health anxiety was always there, lurking in the background. I turned to drinking to numb my mind, trying to escape the fear that never let up. Then, in 2016, everything spiraled. I was sitting at work, feeling completely fine, when suddenly my vision felt strange—something was “off.” My mind convinced me I was having a stroke. I called an ambulance, launching myself into one of the darkest periods of my life. I visited doctors multiple times a week, terrified I was dying, yet every test came back normal. The fear never loosened its grip. For years, I cycled in and out of therapy, desperately trying to find answers, but no one recognized what was really happening. I was always told I had anxiety or depression, but OCD was never mentioned. I was suicidal, believing I would never escape the torment of my mind. It wasn’t until 2022—after years of struggling, hitting rock bottom, and finally seeking specialized OCD treatment—that I got the right diagnosis. ERP therapy at NOCD was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it saved my life. Today, I’m 34, sober, and living a life I never thought was possible. Do I still have hard days? Absolutely. But I am no longer a prisoner to my fears. The thoughts still come, but they don’t control me anymore. They don’t dictate my every move. Life isn’t perfect, but it no longer knocks me off my feet. If you’re struggling with health OCD or somatic OCD, I see you. I know how terrifying and isolating it can be. But I also know that it can get better. If you have any questions about health & somatic OCD, ERP, and breaking the OCD cycle, I’d love to tell you what I’ve learned first hand. Drop your questions below, and I’ll answer all of them!
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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