- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Did you ever feel like you had found an answer and were completely convinced you were gay? I’m at a stage where every little thing from my past and present my brain is using as evidence that I must be gay? I don’t want it or like it but it feels like all the evidence is there? I know I find the opposite sex attractive but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. If that makes sense? Whereas it feels like I could find the same sex attractive if I let myself, which in itself just feels like denial and fear of the truth? When this started I laughed because it sounded so rediculous but now it feels so real and like I’ve known all along. Idk what to do, I love my gf but how can I carry on like this.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hocd is one of the hardest especially in todays society where it is accepted. I did feel like i came so close to being gay. But i found the drive and power to fight for what i loved. In hocd you do loose attraction for the opposite sex for a while. But it is still there. Your gf will support you through anyway she can. Its going to feel dull for while so your brain is just numb to the thoughts at this point im assuming
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help But this feeling of dullness and exhausting sometimes makes me feel like there’s nothing worth fighting for? Even tho at the start of this episode I wanted to stay with my partner so badly. It’s like my brain is so tired it wants to give up
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Your gonna go through probably what i went through. And i am still going through. Its worth fighting for trust me giving in is the easy way out. If you didnt fear it. It would probably be true. You have come so far already just to give up? After HOCD you will probably fall into ROCD relationship ocd it causes you to feel disconnected and you want to stay with your partner so badly. I love mine. But i fought hocd alone. But i found someone who caree about me and im fighting for him and us. I hope ur gf is supportive through it all
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help I started off with ROCD and I can’t lie in someways I miss it because it seemed to much easier to handle than this. This feels like it hits so dip whereas I knew that I was in love with my partner. And some days I feel like I don’t fear it but deep down I do… it’s just so confusing. I feel like I must be one of those rare cases where the thoughts are actually true and this is just me realisation. Idk what to do, I’m just so anxious and when I see my partner what used to be full of love and affection is now full of nothing but empty space.
- Date posted
- 3y
@BradOCD Its ok dont give up
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help @bradocd how did you both deal with the guilt and shame. I hated myself for a long time for having these because I have a bf. It didn’t make sense to me why when I was never never attracted to the same sex. My whole life Ive always had crushes on males and I knew I loved my partner. Through HOCD, it was more the repeated phrases like ‘I’m gay, I’m lesbian’ which made me so anxious that I avoided all females. (This was before I knew about ocd) Another thing, I felt guilty cause my bf doesn’t deserve this. How are your partners doing in supporting you ? cause it’s hard for someone who hasn’t experienced ocd to understand and I’m/ was scared people are going to think I’m in denial.
- Date posted
- 3y
@mm3 Right now before i met him i found that i wouldnt use him as a crutch. But he supported me through all of that. He knew it was in my head so alot of the times he said if your bi your bi ill still love you and if your gay then you are ill still love you. I had alot of shame before telling my parents because they are both catholic and Christian. My dad had hocd once before so he understood. My mom didnf like that idea and said i wouldnt be able to be under this roof anymore. So i had alot of pressure and shame because I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening to me.
- Date posted
- 3y
How long did it take you to recover ? and what did you do ? I think I am towards the end of recovery but my brain still involuntary repeats names. Thanks in advance, I’ve been struggling a lot the last couple days.
- Date posted
- 3y
It took me a while but i had to focus on something else that being rocd right now. What names are you repeating? Like certain vowels words peoples names?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help the names use to be really bad, I used to be scared to learn someone’s name cause that’s what would be on repeat for the next few hours. It would be on repeat like 50 times a day. constant non stop. It’s been people that I know. People I work with and it use to make me super anxious and nervous when I was around them. It’s a lot better, sometimes I would have no names for a few days even weeks but it comes back like right now and I’m so upset cause of it. It feels like there’s a black cloud over my brain.
- Date posted
- 3y
@mm3 Yes thats a phase. Ive found that ocd has phases that we go through to get through the fear we have
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help so it will go away permanently then ?
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- 3y
@mm3 Not really. The thought or phrase you repeat will pop up once in a while but it wont phase u
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help do you take medication ? how long would you say you’ve been recovered ?
- Date posted
- 3y
@mm3 I do I take prozac its been about three months now
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help so you get still get thoughts being on the medication?
- Date posted
- 3y
@mm3 Um i would say they calm them down alot i dont think medicine can truly heal you i think to bring your ocd down you need to train your brain
- Date posted
- 3y
What do you mean you came out as a survivor?
- Date posted
- 3y
Meaning i came out Straight and not having those thoughts anymore
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help Oh geez I’m so sorry I thought you meant you “came out” after surviving it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous help How long did u suffer??
- Date posted
- 3y
@lennygirl I only suffered for almost 6 months
- Date posted
- 3y
@bradocd I know it is so tiring but don’t give up. That’s how ocd is, it is so good at masking as your true feelings and it’s so good at conveniencing you that you like these feelings and thoughts. A piece of advice from someone who helped me. “Trust your truth no matter what goes through your head. Trust your truth while ignoring the lies and let them run their course.” They will fade and you will realised how silly these thoughts were.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Anyone else with HOCD get thoughts of like "people in denial try to distract themselves" or anything along those lines when just trying to move on from the thoughts. Having a pretty bad episode this morning at least anxiety wise.
- Date posted
- 12w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 6w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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