- Username
- ConnorSchep
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I can only wish you peace with every passing moment. I know this is beyond words exhausting, but take everything moment by moment. The present is all we have. Deep breaths and maybe even hum something to yourself or think of an interest of yours that makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be anything that requires super deep thinking, just something to lighten the heavy feeling :) wishing you well friend
Hey I’m sorry you are suffering. That is super hard. I know what you mean. I find you just have to keep going with the ERP. Just the other day I had a massive trigger and it took me 3 days to fully get over it using ERP. But that’s okay. It slowly gets less and less. It is just key to be consistant. You can do this!! Just think: you owe it to your fiance to do the ERP so you can be fully present for her. It’s not listening to the OCD that is going to protect her, but doing the therapy skills. You got this 🙏
Just tell yourself “im just going to take the risk that I cheated and move on with life as usual”
@Yakatori94 Man I just really am having a hard time doing that. I love her so much and I just can’t imagine hurting her, which I feel like this is ya know, so I want to avoid it. In the end I realize that’s the only way through, but wow, I just am really scared of that possibility.
I've have this... had it on n off for years... remember its completely and utterly normal to be attracted to others..its normal human nature... you can be attracted to others and fantasise about others ..again which is normal... just never cheat thats all... and that is the same for every single person on this earth... even your partner will be attracted to others and fantasise... its normal. It doesn't mean you want to cheat on ur partner even if u feel like u could
I understand it is normal to be attracted to others. I don’t know if I agree with fantasizing though, my partner and I have stated that we do not believe it is ok to be having prolonged sexual fantasies about others. I do not want to have them either I/we feel like it is mentally cheating. And I don’t want to do that but I obviously get intrusive thoughts about it.
What happens when you're in a private setting with no women other than your finance?
*fiance
@AnonymouslyMe (see bio) Hi do you mean with other women than my fiancé? I know I’ve never physically cheated. And I hope I’ve never mentally cheated nor do I want to
@ConnorSchep No, I mean what does your OCD do when you don't see the other women
@AnonymouslyMe (see bio) Oh gotcha it either focuses on what I said in the original post. Or a lot of the time it focuses on sexual purity between my fiancé and I. We are waiting for marraige but I always worry that kissing, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, etc is going to far or is a sin.
@ConnorSchep Also deal with POCD
@ConnorSchep So it's active even when not around other women?
@AnonymouslyMe (see bio) Yes my ocd is active constantly
@ConnorSchep I find it useful to allow myself some time when I suppress the thoughts (obviously not healthy to do it all the time) so I can experience hobbies or rest, etc
Also, I find that as you embrace uncertainty, you get less uncertain about your worry haha. Do the ERP and in a few hours/days you’ll realize you did nothing. Do ERP over and over and these thoughts will hardly register. You can so it!! I believe in you 😊
Just kind of an ERP vent. Anyone wanna talk about this experience? It’s bumming me out. So I’ve been doing ERP exercises daily to help myself get over this theme. I started out with ERP towards the gender I have had intrusive thoughts about (men), and it helped knock out a lot of the intrusive stuff and false attractions, but working on my ERP towards women has been rather difficult. I’m still getting mental blocks. I’m trying to expose myself to them and get over false anxiety and other negative false emotions. It’s worked, but it feels like I’m stuck right now. Anyone else getting frustrated? I know ERP is a process, but it feels like it’s taking absolutely forever. Anyone wanna talk / vent about ERP frustrations?
I'm not sure where to confide to talk about this as this is a current stressor. I've been dealing with constant worrying and intrusive thoughts for months, rumination, checking, etc now.The current one started to gradually develop in the past few weeks, where I fear checking out other guys. I'm in a relationship with an amazing and beautiful guy, and both of us are very loyal. He's very big on loyalty and checking out people, and I never did at all, and I still don't. However it became a constant worry of "do I check people out? What if I check someone out?? Will I do that?" And I notice it begin to actively obsessively tru and avoid something I already don't do to make sure I don't it. So now i began to get the intrusive thought question of "does that guy look good, I bet you find him attractive and you don't want to admit it, I bet you think he looks better, what if I look even though I know I won't cause I have no interest". I begin to feel nauseous or uncomfortable with even acknowledging a random guy's presence, and even if I glance at them as I often do with strangers (not out of attractiveness, just observing people) I get this rush of fear as I worry of "did I just check this person out??" It was mild at first, then I noticed because I started having the thought and fear so much my brain was already used to it where I could look at a guy and my brain auto registered the intrusive thought for it without it no longer showing up. So I now get the rush of anxiety and nauseous feeling. I blocked a friend I knew since middle school cause he posted shirtless pics and I never been attracted to them or found them hot (still don't, my brain just messes with me) but for the sake of not triggering my anxiety I blocked him. It got worse this week, where I stare at a guy that triggered that anxious response out of making sure I don't find them attractive. I feel the impulse to look at them after I look away in fear of never confirming that I wasn't attracted to them, cause I'm afraid to be left with the "was I? Why did I look? Am I checking people out? Am I horrible??" Looking leaves me distressed and sick. School started and this happening a bit more, and in general with guys too. For example I wouldn't bat an eye to the guys I knew from last year or a celeb, but now I'm forcing myself to stare at them and analyze them to make sure I don't find them attractive, even though I never did. I cry a lot cause of it, feel unwell, sad, guilty as if I do this with the intent to legit check them out even though I don't. It branched out into random small anxiety about "what if I am being unloyal now?? Does my boyfriend look good??" But this type of one doesn't get the chance to worry me like the reast cause it quickly goes away cause I'm immediately reminded with how beautiful he is inside and out. haven't mentioned this intrusive thought to my boyfriend compared to others I've shared as I don't know how to word it best to not worry him yet. I love him, and I hate when I get the intrusive question of "does he look better, you're getting anxious to answer that means your prefer the other person". It feels pretty up there with second in line with my brief POCD being first. I don't want the guys to think at school I'm checking them out or I have a thing for them, or for people to think I'm trying to chest on my bf. It's hard to explain the auto repsonse I get of anxiety and checking by looking at them. But I know it's just my brain and anxiety trying to mess with me, but can't help but worry often especially cause something like this means a lot to me and him. I used to be able to say "oh looks decent/not bad" when I saw a celeb, or friend, or once in a blue moon any strangers. I didn't think much about this way, since my boyfriend said in a way he does the same (not in a "oh he's hot/attractive" way but a "you don't look bad, but you can't be considered good because my boyfriend immediately takes that spot". Even typing this I get the intrusive worry of "what if I'm lying what if I'm not being honest what if I'm forcing myself", even though my boyfriend is the most glorious guy to ever lay eyes on. I stared at his photos in awe and taking in how gorgeous he is to me all the time (one point I went through my entire photo album of him in amazement- I still do this, I did this today seeing him). I notice I can only effortlessly do this without worry when I'm in a good mood. I know I haven't lost attraction to him one bit, but this intrusive has been bothering me for some weeks as it quite distressing to acknowledge another guy forcefully out of anxiety. As with other random intrusive thoughts I have, they die out eventually but probably will come back. I love my boyfriend, when my friends talk about how other guys are, I don't respond as it's not in me to do that and still isn't. Out of anxiety it's just never been a thing for me. In anxiety, it became so stressful to deal with.
I need a different perspective on this. I feel like I'm being run through the ringer. I'm doing what I can to avoid reassurance and not avoid triggers but I get triggered every day. I'm trying so hard to sit with the panic and the horror but it's so hard. It gets to the point I feel physically sick. Is there anything that I can do to help with this? I feel alone. I don't feel strong, I feel like a punching bag. Why is this so hard to master? I really want to know it gets easier. I've been suffering from POCD that has evolved and gotten worse and worse over the past eight months that has been torturing me multiple times on a daily basis and I feel like I'm drowning. I want to run away and hide because my life feel like it's seconds from being ruined. Please, please tell me this gets easier. That this ERP therapy will stop making me feel like I'm dying. The small moments of victory feel so brief only for me to get hit with another wave. There is so much uncertainty over such a horrific thing I feel ill. I feel afraid to be alone with my mind. Please if anyone out there can please give me tips on how to handle ERP. One moment I think I'm finally beating this thing and the next it's got me pinned and I'm terrified my life will be ruined. I want my peace back, I need help and I'm doing everything I can to resist compulsions but I feel so alone and dirty and disgusting. Please help me. Thank you for any advice 💕
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