- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Here’s my deal. 15 years ago my OCD started, or at least I realized it starting with the onset of a memory in which I “did something bad.” More accurately, something out of line with my fully developed character, contradictory to my core values. I can’t explain it, I blame myself, and often feel unworthy, guilt ridden and ashamed. It was the core theme of my OCD for years. Later, My Mind sought out similar memories, actions, thoughts that seemed to relate to the event or extrapolate it’s meaning. Learning that what happened really isn’t the problem and that my inability to let it go is the actual problem, was the most helpful thing in moving forward treating my Real Event OCD and Pure OCD. It only takes a kernel of the truth for real event OCD to latch on. Likely, your mind potentiates the memory and makes it seem worse than it really was. The more severe, the more significant. Causing elevated self doubt. If you really did something bad, seek forgiveness and remember to also forgive yourself. Do the ERP, put in the work and you’ll get through it (learn to live with it). It might seem impossible, but you will have peace again. God Bless.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for this. I can’t really go into it, but what I didn’t was definitely wrong. I don’t know if I caused any hurt or pain to whom it was inflicted on, but at this point I can’t really reach out for forgiveness. It’s just something I will have to live with. The thing is, I’ve always known it was wrong, but just kind of moved on and accepted and I guess learned from it. It just always comes up when my ocd is flaring.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame You don’t always need to reach out for forgiveness. Just forgive yourself
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Thank you. It just makes ocd that much harder to deal with. Most people here fear they’re just a bad person. But it’s not real to them. For me, some would say I am just a bad person. Or was kind of a shitty one in my past. So it is just true. I don’t know how erp will help with that.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m in the same boat. I actually did something bad but I still was diagnosed with ocd. It can be a bad thing and still be ocd
- Date posted
- 3y
But was it something just kind of trivial? Like stealing a candy bar when you were young?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame No not trivial
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame I’m not going into details only because confessing makes ocd worse and just riding out the anxiety is what I’m taught to do in therapy, but no, it wasn’t trivial.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous No worries, wasn’t looking for details. I just feel like a lot of example i see are people that are stressing over things that are wrong but mostly harmless. Doesn’t mean their suffering is any less, but it makes me feel maybe what I’m dealing with isn’t ocd. Thanks for your feedback!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 19w
im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!
- Date posted
- 13w
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
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