- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Here’s my deal. 15 years ago my OCD started, or at least I realized it starting with the onset of a memory in which I “did something bad.” More accurately, something out of line with my fully developed character, contradictory to my core values. I can’t explain it, I blame myself, and often feel unworthy, guilt ridden and ashamed. It was the core theme of my OCD for years. Later, My Mind sought out similar memories, actions, thoughts that seemed to relate to the event or extrapolate it’s meaning. Learning that what happened really isn’t the problem and that my inability to let it go is the actual problem, was the most helpful thing in moving forward treating my Real Event OCD and Pure OCD. It only takes a kernel of the truth for real event OCD to latch on. Likely, your mind potentiates the memory and makes it seem worse than it really was. The more severe, the more significant. Causing elevated self doubt. If you really did something bad, seek forgiveness and remember to also forgive yourself. Do the ERP, put in the work and you’ll get through it (learn to live with it). It might seem impossible, but you will have peace again. God Bless.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for this. I can’t really go into it, but what I didn’t was definitely wrong. I don’t know if I caused any hurt or pain to whom it was inflicted on, but at this point I can’t really reach out for forgiveness. It’s just something I will have to live with. The thing is, I’ve always known it was wrong, but just kind of moved on and accepted and I guess learned from it. It just always comes up when my ocd is flaring.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame You don’t always need to reach out for forgiveness. Just forgive yourself
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Thank you. It just makes ocd that much harder to deal with. Most people here fear they’re just a bad person. But it’s not real to them. For me, some would say I am just a bad person. Or was kind of a shitty one in my past. So it is just true. I don’t know how erp will help with that.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m in the same boat. I actually did something bad but I still was diagnosed with ocd. It can be a bad thing and still be ocd
- Date posted
- 3y
But was it something just kind of trivial? Like stealing a candy bar when you were young?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame No not trivial
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame I’m not going into details only because confessing makes ocd worse and just riding out the anxiety is what I’m taught to do in therapy, but no, it wasn’t trivial.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous No worries, wasn’t looking for details. I just feel like a lot of example i see are people that are stressing over things that are wrong but mostly harmless. Doesn’t mean their suffering is any less, but it makes me feel maybe what I’m dealing with isn’t ocd. Thanks for your feedback!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
- Date posted
- 21w
I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.
- False Memory OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 13w
What if you did something so extremely awful and truly horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... these real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and v0mit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...
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