This is 40..

Don’t mind me just riding out a massive anxiety attack after a few rough weeks of actual health issues. I have major health anxiety and I’ve had 2 awful asthma attacks recently due to wildfire smoke coming into our area. I hate having asthma because I didn’t know I had it for so long. And I never really know if my shortness of breath is anxiety or asthma 😭😩 It freaks me out whenever I have to get treatment for it because they always run an EKG to make sure my heart is fine. After having COVID last year (then getting the vaccination) one of my new anxieties is developing random blood clots despite being physically healthy. I go on Twitter for the memes then the next second I’ll see someone’s personal story about how someone they knew dropped dead randomly from the shot. It freaks me out so bad. Like what?? I don’t want to stop using Twitter either because I like it and don’t want to avoid any triggers. Back to health, they took an X-ray of my lungs the other day as a part of protocol because I couldn’t breathe that well (because I was having an asthma attack 😩) and it freaked me out so bad. Everything came back clear but my discharge papers said to get my heart checked out just in case. My resting heart rate is generally higher because of anxiety anywhere from 75-85. I hate having health anxiety on top of actual health problems. My doctors tell me I’m healthy despite asthma and allergies. Every day is a battle with health anxiety. Sometimes I can’t even workout because I’m so focused on my heart rate or breathing. Like I’m genuinely convinced I’ll die of a random disease I don’t know I have. AnywAY, health anxiety OCD is something I’ve had since I had my first panic attack. As most of you know that anxiety can manifest itself in so many ways it’s horrifying sometimes. Hopefully I feel better again soon bc this ain’t it chief!! 🥺

I am 30 something and at time I get into the moods of feeling down and nervous about aging. I know that I am not old (yet) and that there is nothing that can be done about aging, but I cannot help feeling like this at times. I would also worry at time about aging when I was in my 20s. I also understand that there are positives of getting older. Idk, I guess I am just ranting about how I am feeling.

After an incident last week that led to a panic attack, my OCD has become increasingly focused on the fear of having more. All my thoughts are focused on checking to make sure I’m not exhibiting panic attack symptoms, which leads me to start to panic, which leads to racing thoughts and physical symptoms, which leads to another attack. It’s a vicious cycle of not wanting to have another attack like this, but my brain is so focused on the concept that it’s all-consuming. I’m trying to treat this like any other OCD theme, but it’s just so hard. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced something like this before, but I’d love to hear from anyone willing to share.