Has anyone ever had a compulsion in the middle of erp? As I’ve said before adult sites are a form of erp for my taboo sexual ocd. Tonight while doing erp I got an intrusive thought and followed through with a compulsion before I even realized it. The site had opened side sites, like those clickbait add things, but it was for adult stuff. The people it showed definitely didn’t look old enough to be doing anything of the sort. It can be so hard to tell these days but I’m really freaking out because what if they were underage? Or am I just letting my ocd control my thoughts?

I’m worried about times when Child P*rn or suspicious porn videos have come up in the past. I tend to use Twitter for porn and it’s not the most moderated app out there but I was never looking for videos or pictures or anything related to that. Unfortunately stuff still has popped up and I’m just worried about if my reaction was perfect because I have intense POCD I want to say it’s nearly as severe as it can get so I just feel as if I remember times when something suspicious came up and I stayed for a moment to make sure I wasn’t attracted or maybe left and came back to be sure I was safe and didn’t like it and I’m afraid this counts as seeking out or engaging in illegal content that would get me in trouble. I’ve never once looked this stuff up and anyone who creates saves distributed or likes this stuff I believe deserves prison time for life but I’m just so worried that I didn’t react in the way I should’ve I’m 20 years old so I’m relatively young and I’m jus worried about what this means about me any one else deal with anything similar?

I am doing ERP by my own because I can’t afford therapy. I exposed myself to babies photos online, changing diapers videos, baby genitalia . All was done with google . I honestly feel like I am predator by viewing these photos even though they are just babies. I seen also a picture on research article of a female patient she is a minor and they have done sexual abuse check on her . The image was so triggering, it was literally a vagina. ℹ developed lots if obsessions with increased groinal responses. And now I fear that I enjoyed all what I have seen.

I spoke with my therapist about intrusivr association ocd thoughts. When i watch porn ocd says the person reminds me of a kid i know or a relative. I told myself repeatedly this is an ocd thougjt its intrusive associations. Multiple times. And i compulsivrly stopped and tried regrounding when the anxiety was too much. My intention was to look at my eofes photo then to look at a woman on pornhub who reminded me of my wife and On the last time i had the intrusive thought of a nephew. I exited the video and went back to my wifes photo and said her name to refocus. Ocd makes me feel guilty flr engaging in sex while having tbat intrusive thought of our nephew and ocd made me doubt “was i thinking of my nephew or was it ocd?” I know its ocd. Its ocd thought number one million. This happens for seven years now when i have sex or watch porn. I know my ocd brain hyperfoxates and worries about grtting intrusivr thoughts during sex so of course ocd is going to semd those intrusivr thougjts sincr my brains hyperworried about it. I know its OCD. I know my intent was to think of my wife and watch the video. Its just engaging in sex while having these intrusive thoughts is very uncomfortable. My therapist said not to stop because its a compulsion. It feels so uncomfortable so i know the intrusive thoughts of the nephew is ego dystonic and the fact inwent back to see my eifes photo and refocsus and say her name repeatedly put lout shows my true intention is to arouse over my wife. I just feel guilty for masterbating while the intrusive thoughts enter my mind. Ocd tries to trick me and say i was thinking of it but i know thats not true. Its my ocd brain hyper worried about getting these intrusive thoughts and them intruding. I often avoid sex and masterbation because of the fear of intruding ocd thoughts so i know its ocd. I cant avoid it or stop. Im doing erp. I recognize its ocd. Yet ocd tries to grt me to ruminate with feelings of guilt ans doubting if its my thoughts or ocd thoughts when i know my intent is to only arouse and think of my wife and i know indont want these thoughts i know its ocd.