I’m currently at an ocd inpatient facility and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’m homesick, and just being in a new environment is an exposure for me, I can barely keep up with the schedule. I’m sorry I just had to write this somewhere anonymously, the first time I came down here and left the next day because I just couldn’t handle it, even one night. I just wasn’t built to handle life man. I’m not mentally strong plain and simple, although I would not say that to someone else in my situation. Now after months of work to get back I’m so drained and exhausted after being here just one week and a day, but this time my parents, understandably, want to see me “stick this out” and I get where they’re coming from but after hearing how long some of the other residents have been here (months) I can’t even imagine staying here more then three weeks. A large part of me does not believe I can ever get better and that part of me is cemented in my head, at the same time I also don’t feel I warrant inpatient treatment. Essentially if you have ever been to an inpatient place or are at one now, know that your not alone.

I’m starting a residential OCD program on Sunday and I’m scared. I’ve done PHPs before but never residential. Can anyone tell what to expect? Have you found residential helpful?

Ive posted on this app a few times this week, and I don’t like being a negative person, I just feel like I need to vent to people who get it. I’ve had ocd since I was a child, and I’ve been doing ERP for like 6 months and I’m still STRUGGLING. The spirals are horrible and I just worry I don’t have the strength to recover like a lot of other people have. Has anyone else felt like this and gotten through it? One of my motivations is to come out the other side and being able to post my success story here to hopefully inspire others. Curious to hear your success stories if you’re comfortable sharing.

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself my names Matt. I was first diagnosed with ocd at the age of 14. I am 29 years old currently. I really had it bad for awhile then I got out of the hole and saw the light. Now I feel like I'm back in it. I've been inpatient at ocd facilities like mclean and Roger's. I consider myself very fortunate and that's where part of the guilt comes in for whatever reason. I've been supported a lot of my life especially when the ocd was really bad and I couldn't function in society. I got back on my feet but recently experienced rocd for the first time. The fear it instilled in me..im struggling massively at the moment. I find that the intrusive thoughts come in and have a strangle hold on me and the sadness and emptiness that follows. I was diagnosed with depression but its hard to come to terms with it. I feel that the ocd is just so awful now. I have experienced a couple sub types in the past..a big one being harm ocd and health related ocd..contamination to a degree. I used to reread when I was in school and that was hell in itself just trying to chase a feeling of perfectionism. I've done ERP plenty of times in the past but ceased the therapy as I got better. Now I'm seeking therapy through nocd which I've never tried before. I really hope I can get myself on track because it really feels like the weight of the world is on my back. I want to pursue music as it's always been an important tool for coping and connection. I can't explain how it makes me feel it's just amazing. I've been working on my vocals but there are so many barriers right now. I feel so sad and I just want to isolate myself. It's up and down emotionally. I'm adjusting to medication that I discontinued awhile ago and now I'm back on it. It's a slow grind. I literally feel like the stress at work is becoming too much as I'm essentially caring for others when I can barely care for myself right now. I work as a life coach with individuals diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder. I know I'm really bouncing around here on all of subjects but I feel like the more and more I speak up about my diagnosis and spread awareness of ocd the more I'm feared of being misunderstood. I think it's truly another "what if" ocd fear. It is so hard to get a grip on the ocd because the rumination is so bad. To be honest it's hard to open up about ocd in general. I just keep thinking as a male I have to keep it together and I shouldn't be emotional that it's weak. I feel like I was fed that before in my past. I honestly appreciate having a community like this I'm grateful. It's so odd I just want a big hug but at the same time it's too much to be that vulnerable.