POCD TW. Need some help. Hey guys! I hope everyone is doing well as of lately. I’ve been doing ~decent~ better than I was say 4-5 months ago. Due to the Lexapro I’ve been on it’s definitely made a dent. But everyday is still a struggle. Lately I feel as if I’m faking all of my POCD. Everything started with one particular child. I don’t know exactly what, but it started to make me feel like I had feelings or something like that. I hated it. I’ve been an anxious mess since. The thing that’s bothering me is I don’t see much online about people’s OCD particularly targeting one person. I also have it about other children in general. But it’s heavily influenced by one. There is an hour that goes by that I’m not thinking something about the child, sexual or not sexual it can just be general things. My thoughts tell me I want to be around this child, they tell me to walk by her so she will notice me. I hate this and want this to end. I want to go back to myself in September when I was going on dates with girls my age, and thinking about that. I would NEVER hurt a child. Never wanted too. I just need support. I went to a OCD specialist back in January who told me she definitely thought I had OCD. I haven’t been able to go back because of my work schedule. But I want too. I just want to feel normal. Can anyone relate? Idk. I’m just depressed again.

Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT

I'm posting something after a long. I have multiple Ocd themes and my main themes of sexual ocd is incest Ocd and Hocd and POCD has never been so active but today something happened that has been bothering me for a while. I was traveling in a bus and there I saw a kid/young teen. When I saw him, I instantly found him so attractive and then BOOM.. I started feeling like I'm attracted to him. I felt confused. I literally found him attractive and also thought that he would look really fine after growing up his face was so attractive but I don't want to be into him at all. I feel like I'm so much into him. I'm feeling very bothered by this feeling. I feel like I'm in denial and I should accept my attraction towards him. I don't want to feel this way at all. I don't understand what to do, how to figure out this feeling. I'm 99% sure that there was an underlying attraction I felt when I looked at him and realized that he is good looking. I feel like dying from inside and extremely confused. He's not in my bus now and I feel urges to just see him once to finally figure out that I'm into him or not but he is not here. I think I'm a pedophile which I don't want to be and everything is finished now, nothing would be same in my mind because I'm so paranoid and feeling like I'm into him. Please somebody help me and let me know if anyone of you has ever felt this way having POCD.

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids