Worried OCD might be on to something

I'm trying hard not to ask for reassurance here, but I'm in need of some advice. I know that I've been diagnosed with OCD, and I'm fairly confident that I've dealt with it consistently over my life. The theme has changed over time, and my current theme is being concerned that I may have narcissistic personality disorder. While I know that this obsession with NPD is a product of OCD, I also can't help but feel that I match so many of the symptom critera that it may be something worth looking into and working on. As you might expect though, this is kind of a huge conundrum, because searching for an actual diagnosis or talking to a psychotherapist might make my OCD about the topic even worse, or even if I get through ERP and then look for a diagnosis, it may cause me to relapse. I guess I'm just wondering what I should do about this. Should I just live with the doubt forever? If I do, would I be putting others at risk? What if there are actual things I need to work on, and by not seeking NPD specific treatment, I'll never get better? Should I work through ERP first and only then start thinking about this stuff? Or should I just not seek these answers out period? Again, trying not to ask for reassurance. I guess I'm wondering what y'all would do if you were in this situation.

Username: dragon_calvesdragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Sorry you are going through this. Is there anxiety associated with finding out if it is OCD vs. NPD? If so, that may be a sign that you would benefit from managing the OCD/anxiety. If after the anxiety lifts, and with clarity you still feel like you have NPD… well then it is fair enough to look into that :) Anxiety gives as a sense of urgency that makes it difficult to have clarity. I always watch out for that. Am I doing this because I have anxiety/sense of urgency or because it seems like a reasonable/non-anxiety-driven thing to do?

Username: SkwidboxSkwidbox

Date posted: 2y ago

There's definitely an anxiety associated with finding out it's NPD, but less so due to the symptoms and more so due to the fact that there's not a lot of good information on whether meaningful recovery is possible. If I have NPD, so be it, I just want to be able to work on it and be a better person! There was a time last week where I felt that kind of clarity from my anxiety, and I found some sources that say recovery from NPD is possible, and I actually felt really happy and hopeful. But then I read something that scared me yesterday and I'm back in the pits! Anywho, I'll try to keep an eye on whether my thoughts are motivated by anxiety or genuine introspection - hopefully ERP will help me get a handle on what my next steps should be. Thank you for the advice, and for taking the time to reply!

Username: dragon_calvesdragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@Skwidbox Absolutely! And it is possible to have both of course. ERP overall though can only help. I don’t see how it can have negative effects. NPD should theoretically still be active after ERP if you have it.

Username: redmuse22redmuse22

Date posted: 2y ago

Maybe, maybe not 😉 Fwiw, NPD isn't the end of the world, just as a general topic. I have an online friend who's lovely that has NPD. While no doubt there are individuals who act terribly and have NPD, the NPD itself doesn't doom someone to being "bad" ya know? Like I don't want to go to far into the reassurance direction. But like any other mental illness/neurodivergence, meaningful recovery/symptoms management is possible when people are willing to put in the work and have access to the right resources!

Username: martini_6710martini_6710

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey I have the same feelings as you and I’d love to hear whether you got any help in the matter!! If you see this pls let me know ❤️

Username: sams07

Date posted: 5y ago

Advice please! I have OCD, and it’s wormed it’s way to my relationship. It particularly revolves around social media, trust and the security of being together “forever”. I whole heartedly trust my partner. However, we all know that OCD causes doubt in the most rational things. Lately, if I get an irrational thought, I ask my partner if it’s true or not true, I get the affirmation I need, and then I feel intense guilt. The cycle begins again because I feel insecure for asking such questions, How do I work through these nagging thoughts and not bring my boyfriend into it? I get super impulsive and just ask him to reassure me. When I don’t ask him and challenge the thought, I’m really moody with him. I’ve had OCD my entire life and have “cured” other obsessions/rituals but for some reason, this one is tough, since another person is involved. Any advice?!

Relationship OCD

Username: MisterNegative

Date posted: 2y ago

POCD

How detailed can thoughts be? Can it make you question if it even is OCD or just denial? I have talked to friends and therapist in the past and they have said based on everything you've told me you aren't what you think you are. And it felt like a weight had been lifted. But doubt creeps up saying "you are a pedophile, you are just in denial!" And that feeling comes in my gut followed by intense anxiety. I've heard OCD can make you question who you are as a person and I think that's what is happening now. I'll get a thought like "even if you are one, its not that bad" the I think but I don't feel like one and I've talked about this with mental health professionals in the past and they have agreed based on everything I've told them, then my mind claps back with but what if you are? It is a back and forth I get so exhausted having. I know I have to be ok with never knowing but it is hard to not want an answer because of the fear you may become your thoughts one day.

Username: ocdgirl123

Date posted: 2y ago

vent

i’m so frustrated with myself. despite my attempts to lean into uncertainty, there’s still some part of that is convinced my theme is real and therefore needs to be looked into. i relapsed pretty badly after a stressful day two nights ago and i’m struggling get back onto the wagon. i know that many people say that you don’t need to know something is ocd definitively in order to treat it as such, but i feel like i do. because if it’s not ocd it’s a thing that needs to be solved. idk. does anyone have any advice on what i can do?

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