don’t feel good

Every time I try to like a guy or imagine being with a guy I get this intense masculine feeling and I hate it so much I want to be with men and but I want to be a woman but now I only ever feel feminine around other women and I feel like my attraction towards men is disappearing and I only have attraction towards women now because they make me feel feminine. I’m really so exhausted and the idea of any future that I want or could have just seems impossible and I’m so tired and scared that I won’t ever be able to have a romantic or intimate relationship with someone that I want to be with. I’ve just been trying to tell myself not to focus on that stuff right now because there are things I want to try and accomplish before hand and I’ve been trying to just feel feminine without male validation to make me feel feminine but I want to be with men and now I just feel disgusting when I think about being with them but I want to be with them and I can’t stop seeing myself as masculine when I think about being with them romantically I’m genuinely so confused about how I feel but I just don’t feel good ever

Username: khm

Date posted: 113d ago

I want to have kids and I want to have a husband and I want to be a wife but I feel like I have to basically force myself to feel better about myself now when I’m around men and have to constantly remind myself that I am feminine and I want to be with men I really do but I feel like I’ve lost my attraction and that I’m disgusted by them now but I’m not I’m just so confused and trying not to focus on them right now but I just don’t know how to feel ever and doing anything is just so exhausting

Username: m00se

Date posted: 113d ago

Hi, khm, I can relate to this! Most of the time, I let it control my life. For example, one of my short-term ex's made me feel feminine. With my current relationship, I often feel I should or do, end it because I don't like how masculine the "relationship" makes me feel. I dream about being with that other person and often wonder why I can't feel like that with this person. If it helps, one thing that helps me at times is telling myself that I could be masculine and I could be feminine. I could be gay and I could be straight and I could be bi. Also, I recommend watching the music video for "I am Woman" by Emmy Meli. She doesn't care what she is and sometimes it helps me see that in another person. Feel free to say more! I'm here for you.