Question

OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.

So, yesterday while I was laying in bed, I was relaxing when suddenly I had an intrusive thought about someone, but the thing is that it brought me a sense of enjoyment or calmness for a few seconds before it went away. Once it did, it was only until hours later when I realized what had happened and I began to freak out because I'm reading everywhere that when someone experiences this type of thing, the anxiety happens shortly after the enjoyment or "false" enjoyment. Can OCD do this?

Any one else deal with this? Like from the moment they wake up to the second they fall asleep, the intrusive thoughts are there?