- Date posted
- 2y
I can’t
I can’t differentiate my obsessions from rumination from compulsions I’m going insane
I can’t differentiate my obsessions from rumination from compulsions I’m going insane
It's okay, take them in order, first there's the obsession and after that there's the compulsion. The compulsion is the response to a certain obsession. (ie. You feel like you are still contaminated after washing your hands so you wash them again, the obsession is the contamination while the compulsion would be washing your hands). Ofc, there's times where the compulsion is not so visible like a mental compulsion. It's definitely hard for me too, I sometimes think I'm actually avoiding doing a compulsion and then realise I actually did a compulsion instead of avoiding one. It can get tough and it takes time, don't beat yourself up too much about it and don't try and figure it out all the time, eventually it gets repetitive and you kinda see what the compulsion actually.
....actually is.
You aren't alone. I think the problem there is trying to differentiate them; that would be rumination. if it feels like you urgently have to solve this and need an answer, it is OCD. I know it is so hard, but you will get through this
Obsession➡️something you fear, a situation you think that might've happened or will happen, or it can be anything you fear. For example, obsession with the fear of harming someone, or the fear of dying. Rumination ➡️ is the analysis you do when you have an obsession. Did I hurt them? Will I die? Did I wash my hands correctly? Oh no I didn't clean with chlorine so something wrong will happen" all those thoughts count as rumination, they are analysis revolving your fears. Compulsion➡️ action you do to calm the fear of your obsession being true, or to calm the anxiety while ruminating. These actions are to reassure the anxiety immediately and the calm is short term, just like the joy after eating sugar, so, it is addictive and repetitive, like asking things you already know, checking things you already checked, or, making these actions for the first time but knowing you want an instant anxiety relief. Hope this helps
For me, almost any thought that comes after the initial thought is rumination and is too much attention towards the original thought. The original thought happens in a split second.
Rumination is a type of compulsion. Say moral questioning. You got a thought in your head, you might have a straight away answer. For me, I don’t. I doubt. So it makes me think. And think. Which is ruminating. I want to know the answer (the anxiety) so I ruminate (the compulsion) to try to figure it out.
Like for my the intrusive thoughts are always there so I don’t know when the rumination begins. They are so similar to me in my mind
@YaBoio Hmmm, I see. With intrusive thoughts, they tend to be more about things you don’t want to happen like hurting someone. So you ruminate to figure it out if you will. You might think ithe rumination is intrusive but it just your mind doing compulsions (ruminating) by habit. I know it sounds tricky
Like the rumination is intrusive itself
I have sometimes found myself deep in rumination without realizing what the obsession was that started it. Periodically, I like to ask "is there a 'what if' that is driving what I am currently thinking about?" If I can answer this question with a yes then I can identify the obsession: e.g. "what if I did something wrong/touched something dirty/hurt someone/etc." Then I find that it becomes clearer that I was in fact ruminating, and the cause of the rumination was to answer the obsession.
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
I used to be able to determine what was my OCD and what’s real life but now it’s all just blending together. I literally can’t tell what’s true between what’s not true. my overthinking is absolutely terrible and rituals and everything is just crumbling.
Hi! It’s pretty difficult for me to get the courage to post this but I’m really struggling to figure out if what I’m experiencing is OCD or Anxiety or neither. I think I have the “pure O” type of OCD where most of my compulsions take the form of ruminating and trying to figure out something all in my head. When I hear this talked about in forums or online the intrusive thoughts don’t really match mine- I worry often about things that seem more “grounded” if that makes sense. A common one for me is my own identity- i will spend long amounts of time stuck in my head trying to figure out my feelings (often sadness or other real emotions I have and patterns I have) and why I feel that way and what in my life caused that and how it’s impacting other things in my life. I also think often about which parts of my personality are the real me and which aren’t. Sometimes this takes the form of strictly ruminating and sometimes I have fake conversations with people I know. It’s intense and I feel I have to figure it out but with no specific intrusive thought that says something like “you have to figure this out or all of your loved ones will die” but it’s very intense. I think also often of all of the decisions I need to make in the future and how they’re going to affect those I love and care about as well as how much I’ll regret them. I imagine all of the ways I think my actions will emotionally hurt others and how to make the least harmful decision, but to me this feels like a valid concern but go over and over and never come to a conclusion. I often just get scared and never make any move because I don’t see an option that doesn’t hurt someone somehow. But again I’m having a hard time identifying the intrusive thought behind it. But I also don’t choose to think about these things most of the time. This is almost all decisions but especially big life decisions. It’s such a struggle because they are things I eventually do have to make decisions about. There is so much more to it that would take too long to explain but in general a lot of my fears revolve around pleasing others/ understanding others emotions to ensure they’re okay, my own identity and personality, and work/school performance. Someone mentioned OCD to me because in my head it feels like I have to solve these things and will go over and over them but I seriously can’t figure out if it’s anxiety, OCD, or none of the above. It’s all very disruptive to my life. I am never not thinking or not trying to figure something out and I feel as if I have no control over it Anyone have any insight?
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