But - I feel worried that if someone finds out stuff I’ve done (as a little kid) in the past or what my ocd theme was that they’d all hate me and think I’m a pedo:/ I’m worried that they’ll find out and be angry or think that I lied to them when I hate pedos and sometimes joke about them - when I’m obviously a normal to person to them I feel like they’ll be betrayed if they find out
I’m not sure how old you were when these things happened but you were a kid and you should give yourself a little more grace. This seems like the topic for tonight as I have seen the last 3 or 4 posts are all about the same subject. I was commenting to someone that hurt people hurt people even when it’s not intentional. I was molested when I was 5 and I found myself doing those same things to others as a child. I was so young that I didn’t know that I was being molested but I definitely didn’t feel what I was doing was right. The thoughts still come back to me and make me feel like a terrible person as well but I was a kid. I never meant to hurt anyone and I never asked to be hurt.
@adom88 This is exactly right. As children we are learning - which is far different from pedophelia. We all regret stuff - but if we leaned from it and that is not part of our values as an adult - we need to let go and move on.
I feel like that to. Like the thoughts, and constant worry of people seeing a glimpse of what is in my head and hating me, and the feeling of not being real to the people around me with the intrusive thoughts and darkness that is in my head. Like a walking lie
@rcgg It’s exhausting
I am sorry you are struggling with ocd at the moment. This is a common theme and one that I have struggled with as well. The truth is that everyone has done things as children that they are not proud of or that we’re not their best moment. That is part of our humanity. So we need to sit with the uncertainty that if someone found out what happened as a child could dislike or think you are disingenuous. But you know what your values are today - as an adult - and that is what you live by today - children are learning - and that is how are values are formed. I hope this helps
Thank you Jeffrey
Someone try and help. My worry is people think I'm a pedo when I'm not and that I'll get sent to prison when I'm innocent I've never harmed a child and never would. I worry I make even the child itself uncomfortable because when stuff like toilet habits are mentioned I go bright red and panicky cause I look shifty, and imagine if a parent asked their child if someone touched them inappropriately, they might find it funny and joke around saying yes and now I'm super worried that this post will make people think I'm a pedo but I swear on God's name I've never harmed a child and never plan on doing so. I fucking hate ocd so much I can't live a normal life, I can't stop thinking the worst possible situations and scenarios.
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
I’ve been talking to my therapist about the porn I watched when I was in my young teens bc my ocd guilt trips me about it all the time. I feel like I didn’t explain it properly because to me it felt like I was basically watching cartoon child porn but I think she thinks I’m only worried because it was just a cartoon and cartoons are for children and my ocd is just making a connection. I want to tell her but I’m terrified she’s going to tell me I’m actually a pedo. I feel so disgusting and upset. The guilt is killing me. I wish I could just erase it from my mind. I keep wondering why I watched it and what it means about me. Please help :(
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