Scrupulosity and faith crisis

Hi guys, I just wanted to see if other people have ever gone through what I’m going through (most likely yes). Last year I had trauma from my church. I had my beliefs in check before the accident I was forming my own opinions and interpretations and values with my religion (Christianity) and then the incident happened. Ever since I have been deconstructing severely. I’m constantly having mental breakdowns over is Jesus really love, what does it even mean to be kind like Him when he sends people to h*ll over their sexuality or different religion, is he punishing me because I’m not following his will correctly or wanting to believe the Bible fully, is my wonderful loving and amazing husband spiritually right for me, every time I interact with my LGBTQ+ friends why does my mind say they are wrong, is my internal dialogue the voice of the Holy Spirit, uncertainty doesn’t apply to me, is the dev*l making me think these things etc. I would love to hear if anyone has had a similar experience. And note please do not tell me to pray about it and so on.

Username: Rocman3905Rocman3905

Date posted: 1y ago

Kenzala, I went through a crisis of faith and made it through on the other side :) I would try to focus on breathing slowly and calming yourself down before you work through intellectual questions regarding the faith. You should try going through ERP with a counselor on here. That was huge for me. Blessings to you, stay strong

Username: Macalicious Macalicious

Date posted: 1y ago

@Rocman3905 Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately I can’t do ERP for awhile since religious ocd is a trauma theme for me with what happened at the church last year and years of religious abuse growing up. I started ERP last year but it became too much so NOCD decided I needed to do DBT. Its so hard to differentiate between ocd, ptsd, and a faith crisis. Every time I state MY own personal beliefs and interpretations something in me is screaming and gnawing at my brain to say the opposite. I know figuring it out only makes it worse but it’s hard.

Username: Rocman3905Rocman3905

Date posted: 1y ago

@kenzala I understand. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. You are incredibly strong for doing so. I pray that years from now, you will look back on this time with gratitude. The Lord brings great good out of great evil. Much love my sister.

Username: Ghost123Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m sorry to hear that. I did have religious OCD but then I left religion for personal reasons. Imo everyone has a spiritual doubt but that doesn’t reflect who you are as a person. OCD will make you think you’re a bad person for questioning things or that it’s a sign you don’t love your religion. OCD just tries to attack your values, even with people who are atheists etc experience these things. You’re not alone. I’m not sure if that helped but Yeah

Username: Macalicious Macalicious

Date posted: 1y ago

@Ghost123 It’s incredibly difficult and hard to not answer the intense and sickening feelings thoughts and emotions. I’m also sorry about your experience with religion and hope you are doing well. I know I’m not alone that’s why I love this community.

Username: Ghost123Ghost123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@kenzala I totally get that and support you on your spiritual journey. And yh I had really bad trauma from it as well as other things but I’m doing much better now, thank you 😊

Username: KuljuleKuljule

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve been on a deconstruction journey too. I was part of a pretty fundamental church and I’m realizing it was probably the rigidity that really drove me to be apart of it. Now, I’m realizing how much freedom I was suppressing. And to be honest, I feel way more closer to God now than before. Understanding that God loves us no matter our thoughts and feelings has been really working on my heart. He also doesn’t need us to constantly go to Him for everything. Like a good parent, eventually he lets us go be on our own and learn the world. The sad thing is that churches don’t teach that. They have built a system around constantly going to God for everything at all times which I think for OCD individuals makes us even more obsess about it. Sorry for the rant.

Username: Macalicious Macalicious

Date posted: 1y ago

@Kuljule I appreciate your story! It’s a one day at a time thing but it’s grueling and exhausting especially ocd with ptsd and a faith crisis mixed. I love the “He doesn’t need us to go to Him for everything” which I was taught to do.

Username: CKristineCKristine

Date posted: 1y ago

As a Christian who struggles with this too, my advice is to pray and listen. Tell Jesus all your worries and then take comfort in knowing He will answer in time. We have a relationship with God but it’s hard to let Him speak sometimes when we are so overwhelmed. Give Him time and He will answer.

Username: Macalicious Macalicious

Date posted: 1y ago

To also note: it is the same stuff repeating 24/7 I can’t think of anything else other than religion and what not. I just literally feel like I am never going to be able to have my values and beliefs back without losing everything I love and worrying about the dev*l skewing things. Google has also ruined so much considering it’s all I do.

Username: KelSul73

Date posted: 1y ago

Scrupulosity & real event/false memory OCD:

Hey- so I’ve had a rather rocky relationship with God and I’ve always been back and forth but in the darkest times of my life, I have tried to turn to God for consolation. But long before I discovered NOCD, I had a very disturbing cycle of OCD situations for months on end of waking up in the middle of night and calling my pastor/ youth counselor trying to clarify if I had committed the unforgivable sin. Because I have had such an up-and-down relationship with God and going astray so often and all of that- I worried that because it felt like I was being struck by a demon trying to urge me to say (I didn’t say out loud but like a low, inaudible mumble in my mouth) “saying” that God was the opposite of what He is… ever since then I’ve struggled with that moment so much and in that moment, it didn’t feel like I 100% cared about doing it. Because I had been constantly plagued with these obsessive thoughts for so long and didn’t understand what they were, I gave in cause I was exhausted from battling it for so long but it didn’t come out like how it’s described in the Bible…. Idk. I just hate myself thinking about it because I have always been one to skid along boundaries so I feel like it was mocking God because I was angry and it just fills me with fear, upset and panic… I remember feeling so terrified and the physical sensation like my chest was burning and I just felt like I was empty… has anyone else ever gone so far in their OCD that they wondered if they could ever come back?

Username: Ricky01

Date posted: 1y ago

1000% percent certainty

I’ve wrote about this before but I’m doing so bad right now. I struggle with Pure O with a religious theme. Not so much scrupulosity, as much as just what feels like blasphemous thoughts against what I have believed to be true. Genuine questioning of faith is normal and actually I think it should be encouraged! But I feel like I’ve gone past that. I can’t remember the last time I went through a whole day without ruminating and googling information about my beliefs. It’s the first thing I start thinking about and it distracts me from everything that I try to do. I just want 100% assurance in what I believe but I can’t find that. Im searching for something that can’t be found. That doesn’t stop me from ruminating and devoting all of my energy to something that won’t be found. Any suggestions or help from Christian’s would be helpful

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 41w ago

Scrupulosity

I put a trigger warning on this for people who have scrupulosity just in case. I have religious OCD and it is really hard to go through. It goes “f you Jesus” “sorry God I didn’t mean that I love you” “f the devil I love Jesus” “I hate the devil I love Jesus” “I love the devil” “no that’s not true I’m sorry God I didn’t mean that” “f you Satan” in my head all day. And then I’ll be listening to the radio and listening to KLove (which is a Christian radio station) and I’ll have what I call contradictory thoughts which is when one or many of my thoughts contradicts the truth of God. Because it will be that Jordan Feliz song and he’ll say “the king is alive” and my brain will say “no he isn’t” and it will send me into an annoyed spiral. “Yes He is I’m sorry Jesus I know you’re alive”. If anyone else goes through something similar to this please let me know so I can feel less alone.

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