Today has been one of my most difficult OCD days ever. And lately I’ve been feeling great. My day to day responsibilities have felt doable and easy. But for some reason, today and yesterday, my OCD has been SCREAMING. It is all I can do to not ruminate. It takes all of my effort. What is happening? I was doing so well, it seemed…
Maybe you felt good and put your guards down. This happened to me yesterday. I actually told my therapist that I feel great but then I started to do some research and next thing you know I fell inside a rabbit hole. I put my guards down and couldn’t stop researching all day.
Recovery is not linear. You are going to have ups and downs.
Sometimes the menstrual cycle / hormones can spike your ocd. It’s good to reflect on what was happening and how you felt prior to the ocd spike. It sucks and I hate when it happens because you start to feel somewhat normal again and then, bam! I do find that the lapses are shorter and shorter. Hang in there!
Has anyone ever just felt weird? It’s hard to explain but I just feel weird lately. I usually suffer with harm OCD and I feel like lately I’m not reacting to things I normally would. There’s certain things that will trigger me a little but then other times (like over the last few days) it’s like I feel nothing. I’ll get thoughts and because I don’t feel the physical sensation in my chest or get very emotional like I normally would it’s weird to me. Does this mean I’m liking the thoughts now? Or like I’m comfortable with those actions happening? I’m so confused. Has anyone ever gone through this?
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy
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