Should I share my intrusive thoughts with my significant other?

@Estrid so true

Hmmm. I agree and disagree. The thing is. Well... it might depend from person to person and the hidden cause or causes that triggered the ocd in the first place. For me it was not enough love and not feeling secure as a child and growing up. Now, If I could make my husband understand, so when ocd strikes now, and he just gave me a hug, a warm smile, tell me he loves me and even say or do sth funny sweet, I would feel strong enough to know that nothing can cause problems between us, thus ocd would have to fight stronger. The stronger it fought, the more support and understanding from my husband, the less compulsions, the less strength for ocd. It really works for me that way. That is the only way. I am extrwmely scared of conflicts. I let people walk all over me just to avoid conflicts. When I make ocd see it cant cause conflicts between me and my husband, there's no reason for it to stay. I can't do it alone. But with my husband, I am 99,9% sure I could win. My hubby supports me, but doesn't quite understand. He's been through hell and back with me. It has been worse at times than you could possible imagine. I am looking for a way to explain it to him, so he, who has never experienced it, could understand. He supports me, but gets confused when he sees me struggling. Believe me, not talking about it, caused me to be tormented by my family, I lost my whole family. They were not ready to talk, to listen, even to try to find out what was going on with me. They bullied me in all possible ways. It's been longer that I haven't seen my ex family, than my life without it. Talk, ask for support, ask questions, even if its just to feed ocd for a while. All is better than despair and suicide. And we alll know how high on the list of causes for suicide ocd is. Do not feel alone, misunderstood, abandoned, lost. Talk. scream about the darn ocd. The more you scream the less power it will have. If nobody in your family and friends and therapists supports you after you've reached out to then, you have us. No matter what each of us needs, lets just be there for eachother. Might savez lives. Love brings much better results than scolding or telling off or preaching. To each its own, I agree. But to all love and support. You can count on me. 😃. Love to All.

Thank you for sharing this, I agree that it can be hard to share with others who may not understand!

i don't have anyone close to me that would understand and when I've reached out -- it just made it worse cause they don't understand.

@jemcu812 Yeah. It's great when you find the strength to finally tell them and they call you a liar, a weirdo, a freak,... The best one is the order to get it out of your head. I just lovd that one. I hope no one's experienced that. My dad even tried to strangle me one time. A week later I ran away from home. Never saw him or others again. It's been 24 years. Last year he died hating me. Because of my anxiety and dear old ocd. That is life, isn't it?! 🙈🙀. Love to you all.

Do you also have Pure O thoughts apart from the usual checking?

Can we talk about this extensively? I know how bad exposure and ruminations can get to a person even days after the triggering occurrence.

@Turquoise Place Yeah we can. It’s been the hardest week. I feel like I’m drowning in my rumination. I’m not used to making these kind of mistakes and/or hurting people. I know it was a stupid accident but now I’m ruminating on the fact that he might never trust me or will be disgusted and the amount of guilt I have is some thing that I know I have to work on. I feel so sad. He’s been the greatest thing to me

@Monitica I always have my boyfriend check them for holes too because I had to take a plan b once and it gave me a cyst. I think checking it is more of a precaution then a compulsion! Try not to be so hard on yourself!

@Monitica Hi, it's been some days. How do you feel now? I am optimistic you are better, eh?

It is completely up to us on if we want to share the subject of our intrusive thoughts or not. Some people feel comfortable sharing, while others do not. I'm sorry that you are struggling with these thoughts regarding him and your relationship, that sounds really difficult! ERP therapy may be very beneficial for you in decreasing these thoughts, are you familiar with ERP at all?

@thefutureisAbright1 Ask the risk of enabling your reassurance, can I ask: if the were reversed, would you want him to feel guilty about whatever it is or let it go and move on at this point?

@thefutureisAbright1 At* the risk

@ I am familiar, I am trained in CBT and have touched on ERP. When I have my thoughts, I try my best to not engage with them, accept them, accept the uncertain and so on. I find it difficult at times as I have mental compulsions too and find it hard to stop ruminating.

@anonocd That is interesting. I wouldn't want him to feel guilty about it at all actually. I would just let go and let it be.

@Anonymous That’s a great question. Distracting yourself a bit, watching videos on why we ruminate. That’s all I’ve been doing this week. It’s been the worst

You can learn how to stop ruminating by practicing ERP therapy! It's been very helpful for me in learning how to do ERP through NOCD therapy and also when to recognize that I am ruminating so that I can stop that pattern. Are you familiar with ERP therapy at all?

@ I’m familiar with erp but as far as using it with ruminating, no. With physical compulsions, yes

@Monitica ERP didn't help me with rumination at all. Mindfulness practice and attention training helped me.

@Estrid May I ask if you can enlighten me?

@Monitica I am glad to help, can you eloborate your question please?

@Estrid Like what is mindfulness practice and attention training

@Monitica I learned the importance of mindfulness from Kimberley Quinlan and Jon Hersfiled. To me it began with that I practiced 5 minutes everyday, I set a timer, and focused on my breath or a flower, everytime a thought showed up I noticed and returned my focus on the object. At first it was very difficult, and I had to return again and again, but with time I strengthened my mental muscle and it got easier. Then it spills over to the rest of tge day and all the obsessive thoughts that come and go, I have a tool to use, I know that I have a choice to ruminate/engage or not. Sometimes still very hard but I am on my way and it helps me so much. I also use "attention training" videos on you tube, they are easy to use and I learn to switch my attention between different stimuli. I think it's really hard to deal with OCD without these tools and my experience is that ERP therapists are good at physical exposures but less with inner compulsions like rumination. They told me just to "stop it", its not that easy.

@ - Do you think that Rumination is a learned behavior? and How did you learn to unlearn.