I just wanted to ask a quick question. I love my partner and have ocd but whenever I feel pretty or try to dress nice, an instant image pops in my head of another guy at work. This makes me feel like it’s proof I like that guy but I have no interest what so ever, I love and am obsessed with my partner. What is happening, and is this normal?
Something that helps me is knowing it really must be important to me if OCD is attacking it, and that means you do care it's just OCD going after the things that mean the most, even if it tries to convince you otherwise
Yes that’s ROCD
My partner means so much to me I can’t imagine life without him
I have a really Similar situation with someone from my past so relieved to hear that I’m not alone.
@BrokenRaven It’s very scary. I have no desire to be with anyone else but it’s like my ocd wants me to think I do
Thank you! I’ve been battling with myself with it trying to convince me I like this other person, even making me test if I get jealous when the guy speaks to other females at work, and sometimes I get a feeling with it too that feels like jealousy! All he is is my manager that trains me and helps me improve so we have a good work relation but it’s trying to convince me it’s more than that and it’s scaring me.
ROCD can attack friendships and relationships. When my acts up, it tries to make me isolate myself from any friends of the opposite gender or make me feel like I'm doing something wrong or have feelings by talking to them. I'm currently talking to a new person who is amazing and I can tell the OCD is starting to creep in and attack things. Just try to sit with the feelings and not give them as much energy, much easier said than done but a lot of us are going through the same thing right now, so you're not crazy nor alone haha
@OCDoesntcontrolme Thank you so much! It’s comforting knowing it’s okay
Honestly, I feel like life and feelings are such a mixed bag sometimes, and we sooooooo want it to be one thing. Not to scare you, but in general, it can be normal to be attracted to someone in a position of authority you wouldn’t normally be attracted to. I’ve found there’s also a mixed bag- you might feel a sliver of attraction for someone but mostly affection… What I will say, is that everything you’re doing in terms of testing your jealousy and the reaction to intrusive thoughts definitely sounds like OCD. I can get jealous of women I’m not interested in when they talk to other men or even people -esp if I particularly more needy or so with them. I know this might feel really difficult but accept that seeing his image when you do might mean you have romantic feelings for him. Maybe you can “waive hello” to him next time you see him in your mind and try not to assess how much you do or don’t like him, or esp not doing what I would probably do if I was having your theme (start compulsively thinking about how much I like my bf)
@englerscott I can see your point, I just get really worried cause I have no interest in him and I’m obsessed with my partner to the point I feel unfaithful if I did have feelings for another person. All this started from a thought “omg do I like this other person, I’m unfaithful” then the testing situations in my head happened etc etc and now it’s gotten to the point when I’m filled with guilt all the time :(
@Anonymous Yes- well as you know, OCD usually attacks the things we care about the most.., This is just my opinion (and having struggled with OCD for many years now) - OCD can also be “positive” in the sense that it can be a sign where perhaps we have become way too obsessive or fanatical about something in our lives - a principle, philosophy, a person, etc… The truth is - you, like probably 99.999% of every other human on the planet, is human. And as humans, we will be attracted to certain humans. It might really help you to begin accepting that more. Just because you’re attracted to someone else (and please note I’m not implying your boss, just in general) doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It just means you’re human like everyone else. Start holding space to allow yourself to be attracted to other people as it comes up and stay in line with your values as it pertains to being with the man it sounds like you want to be with. You may even consider working with your therapist on better exposures for this… if it was me, personally, I might make it a point to start saying aloud when I found someone else attractive, (in a mindful way, obvi) I might start being vocal about seeing beautiful women on TV and saying how hot that woman is… of course work w your therapist and be tactful… I just might do that to allow myself to be more “human” in that way and start to teach myself again that I can find other women attractive and still love and be loyal to my partner. I don’t have to repress my sexuality and humanity
@englerscott True, I can be very hard on myself. I feel like I really don’t want to be with the boss and can’t picture me being with him, sometimes when I picture that it really grosses me out. It just when the intrusive images come into my mind, it makes me doubt everything. I have my first session with NOCD therapist next week, hopefully they can help
@Anonymous Yes I understand how disturbing that must feel. I know it’s really hard, but try to not talk yourself out of liking your boss… next time you get dressed and you don’t have the intrusive thought, you should ask your boss where he went ;)
@englerscott Do you think this may mean I have feelings for my boss? I don’t desire being around him or miss him etc, I was actually excited to find his moving locations. I know it’s not good to fight it but I just can’t agree all these signs are right. It’s happened before where my ocd targeted him, but I did get over it and realised it wasn’t true. It’s just harder this time for some reason.
@Anonymous Well you know it won’t be good to give you reassurance. Honestly I don’t know how you feel about your boss. I do feel pretty confident your reaction to everything around it sounds very OCD. Try to work with it that way
Hi ... so im suffering with relationship ocd... my partner is the best and I love her to bits... but I'm constantly checking my attraction towards other women to see how attracted to them I am and constantly imaging that if I were put in a situation (erotically) where I had to say yes or no to cheating would i 100% be able to say no? And then I'm not sure if I could... (this is all Purley based on attractiveness) which scares the crap outa me!! And sometimes I feel.like I'm more attracted to some other women rather than my partner (physically) and question if this is normal? Is it? Is this relationship ocd? :( :(
Is it normal to find someone else attractive. When I get this thought or feeling.. whatever it is.. I feel as though I’m about to act on something. Or I guess my fear is that I WANT to act on something even though I know I don’t want to because I love my partner and family and I don’t want to jeopardize it. But I still get this urge when I find someone attractive and so my best idea is to avoid them. Does this happen to anyone else in a long term relationship/married? It makes me feel horrible and I hate having to confess this.
me and my boyfriend have had periods where we fight a lot recently. Ever since then, a lot of people, strangers, coworkers, classmates, anytime, I am around them, I find them attractive, or find qualities about them that are attractive. I feel like maybe this happens because I am lacking something that my boyfriend is not giving me. I just don’t know what, I’m really sad because I really do love my boyfriend and I don’t want anyone else, but these thoughts are really hard to deal with. I also have coworkers that are males that I speak to at work, and I always get intrusive thoughts while I’m talking to them or after. I’m really scared. This means I’m a cheater, or about to cheat. A lot of things have happened to me and my boyfriend’s relationship, not cheating at all but you know there’s way more than that that can happen. I feel like a lot of things have happened that we need to discuss and it’s been weighing on me and causing these thoughts. I feel like maybe I have these thoughts about other people, but my OCD makes it more than what it is and gives me anxiety. Help :(
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