Get better to get better

I feel like for every and any treatment they want me to be in a better place or be more stable to handle to stress to get the help I need. To move back in with my parents and stop living in my car my parents need me to just stop doing OCDs. Bc “ we can’t feed your OCD “. But letting me live in a car in there driveway at 21 isn’t feeding it? Doctors demand to see me in person when I haven’t been in the same room as another person in almost a year out of fear of there germs. I’ve tried ERP, I’ve done all the therapy’s, all it seems to do is put me in a worse place when they tell me that they can’t help me or that there’s no hope and quit on me. It’s been 14 years. Everything I do is a compulsion or reaction to my OCD. Everyday I form a new habit or thought habit to make it feel safe. I only eat one thing and just stop functioning when I hit this last wall the hardest. Everyone says when you hit rock bottom you can only go up, but I bring a damn shove with me. I guess my point is what is the point? Why do I keep trying and keep failing? Why can’t everyone just except that is it for me? I’ll never have a job or function, just let me be able to live outside a car. Or try to help me were I’m at rather then fighting me and making me feel like shit for not being in a better place for “ except “ the “ help” . I’m just defeated.

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 1y ago

You are probably at the point of such severe OCD that you need inpatient help. I highly suggest looking into Rogers Behavior center: https://rogersbh.org/what-we-treat/ocd-anxiety But you changing is up to YOU. Do you want to stay miserable or do you want to live a happy life? You need to decide to embrace this recovery journey even though it’s damn hard. That includes trusting the process, trusting your therapist, trusting ERP, and DOING what needs to be done without excuses.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nica I’ve done Rogers program before. Thanks for being yet another person to tell me I’m choosing this horrible and miserable life.

Username: Billy 1Billy 1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey there, it sounds like your going through an extremely tough time and have been now for many years! I feel you, at my worst I was so angered and annoyed by everyone telling me not to give in to my OCD and sit with this awful doubting thoughts. It made me At my worst my OCD was that debilitating that I had to quite school and I became housebound for a year. I felt that no one understood me or could accept that ‘this was me’ and I wasn’t going to change !!! You can do it !!!! Take small steps each day and get the correct specialised help for you. You can’t do this alone and shouldn’t have to. Have you tried ERP through NOCD or another place ? The feelings you have right now, remember they aren’t permanent and will/Can pass. What do you feel it is your wanting support with the most ???

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Billy 1 I did ERP with Rogers and a few individual therapists not through NOCD. I don’t know. I can’t function, I can’t leave my car. I don’t have support and idk what kind I need.

Username: OneDayAtATimeOneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello friend. Life is really, really hard. People don’t tell you that when you grow up, but it is, and sometimes it feels impossible. I am so so sorry for your pain. No one on Earth will ever know the pain that YOU feel, they don’t know how hard it is to go on and they don’t know what its like to live a world where you feel so unsafe. No one can take that away from you. While this is true, you also need to keep going. Getting out of your situation is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done, you will cry, you will fail, and you will feel lost but on the over side of that is a life that you didn’t even know was possible. In recovery we are never going for perfection, that is a lie. What you must do is keep trying. Try and fail, try and fail, and try again. Inaction is a slow death. No matter how hard it is you must keep going. You must. So nothing has worked eh? Well do them all again anyway. If that doesn’t work, keep trying again. You need inpatient care right now, it is the only thing to help you get on your feet safely. You are not crazy and you are not doomed. You are human. Inpatient care is the best way for you to get better. You have to try. In the meantime, go on youtube and just learn. Learn your ass off, become a master of mental health issues. Take this knowledge and do the best you can to apply any of it to your day to day. I hate to be harsh but a pool of negativity can’t help you. You have to get more help, your life depends on it. ♥️

Username: Billy 1Billy 1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I would highly recommend NOCD ! They have a free 15 minute consultation and you can explore any worries you have with therapy in this time! NOCD along with me completing the daily exposure homework has saved me !!! I made contact with them after a flare up that again made me feel isolated and housebound. I now live an extremely happy life and I’m in control of my compulsions and very aware of what exposures I need to do when they do arise. 15 min consultation https://www.treatmyocd.com/calendar?src=homepage&_gl=1*dpgbx1*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE2MzY2NTk5MTQuQ2p3S0NBaUFtN09NQmhBUUVpd0FydkdpM0QwaEhYczN1Q0ZabWhVRUF4RndaaDJoa3AxbTRnek9TRWQweUJ4U3pqeU1SRU9FNGVwZkFSb0NNY0VRQXZEX0J3RQ.. Here’s the link for the 15 min consultation my friend 😊

Username: AshleyLM

Date posted: 6y ago

I’m so scared. My OCD is getting worse and worse and I’m just contributing to it by doing compulsions at every turn. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to dig myself out of this hole. I’m terrified of living, but I’m not ready to die. But, I’m even more terrified to push through with treatment. I don’t believe I’m strong enough, at least not right now. And never mind how bad my depression plays into all of this. I’ve expended every resource of support: therapy, medication, family, friends, pastor. I know it’s down to me, but I can’t do this. I feel so sick and that my mind won’t be able to handle it. I keep reading how people with OCD get to the point where they’ve had enough or hit “rock bottom” so to speak and push through. I think I hit “rock bottom” but I feel weaker then ever. Anyone been here and gone through treatment and made it out the other end? How on earth did you do it?

Username: Make the mos...

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better, if I’m ever going to feel good, if I’m ever going to be able to carry on with this 10 years down the road. It’s torture with no exit, for me recently. Every time I bring up my OCD around family, they get annoyed. I can’t go to friends because it has only been of temporary relief. I am literally tearing up as I write this. I’m afraid I’m so close to convincing myself of the horrible lies my OCD has been telling me. I just can’t, I don’t know if there’s anyone or thing that can make me feel better. It’s been like lifting gigantic boulder up a steep mountain the entire day—and I could be crushed by it if not careful. If there is a god, why must he put me through this? I have already been through some many enough hard times in life, this OCD has only magnified any insecurities, anxieties, feeling of loneliness, self hate, and negative emotions.

Username: Hopeismyheal...

Date posted: 2y ago

it angers me beyond belief that this is my brain, I’m fucking sick and tired of going through this shit alone or burdening my parents with my panic, I do all the dam ERP in the world and this panic still ain’t stopping, I’m fucking through with this shit, I hear people all the time say your not trying hard enough or ERP takes time, well I’ve been doing ERP my whole fucking 22 years of being on this planet and the panic hasn’t stopped, and yes I’ve been to about 20 therapists, I probably have a file on me as big as a dissertation about all my dam thoughts, I’ve seen many psychiatrists, been on many meds, tried to start TMS, couldn’t go through with it because of my thoughts, I can barely blink without my thoughts screaming at me like a drill instructor, I’m socially isolated because the pandemic and I’m losing hope, all anyone tells me is your not trying hard enough with ERP, or your improving, without any evidence to back up said claim when in fact the opposite is true, I’ve declined. I’m trying so fucking hard just to wake up, I’m sorry, I really am, but this is just unreasonable, you wouldn’t go up to a cancer patient and say work harder, put me on the right meds or give me euthanasia because it’s not ok how the system treats people with OCD

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