Username: rooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Attraction

I get turned on by seeing womens bodies in a way that I dont by men’s. But at the same time I think some male features are attractive and I like my bf’s body. With men its more about the vibe Some people can say maybe im more demisexual with men. Or that its okay to feel attraction to both genders in different ways. Or some could still think im a lesbian with comphet (maybe half true, but I have felt genuine attraction to bf before) I guess its my ocd that makes this feel urgent enough to end things with my partner. Because I feel uncertain and want the certainty, and to not waste any of his time. I just wish I understood myself better.

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

It can be so confusing trying to figure out all the details of our sexuality. I have a boyfriend too and I might be bi I might be pan I might be straight I might be ace or graysexual or demisexual I really have no idea. It’s hard because you want to know who you are but I find it so difficult to define, I don’t know how I will ever find the answer so I try to just live my life and if I discover more about myself down the road then that’s great. I’m not sure if that’s the recommended way to go about it but it helps me to think of it that way because then it feels less urgent and dire.

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake As long as you feel satisfied with your current partner

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@0876 Hopefully it puts less pressure on the urgency of finding the answer that way

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@0876 Sorry I’m responding one message behind. I feel that it’s so hard when you have rocd on top of trying to figure out your sexuality. It’s so painful

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@0876 One time I accidentally saw a picture of a naked woman down there (I was on a health Reddit or something) and it made me have a strong physical response. However with my bf I don’t get turned on just by looking at him naked, we have to actually start doing stuff. My point is I think 2 things can be true at once, naked bodies no matter the gender or sex can turn us on sometimes because it’s sexual in nature but that doesn’t mean that we don’t love or aren’t attracted to our partner

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@0876 Ohh I see I’m mostly dealing with rocd but I occasionally have socd types of worries

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

@spookycupcake Soocd*

Username: rooty tootyrooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Yeah I really wish some people online didn't emphasize trying to figure it out to not 'waste someone's time'. That puts the urgency on high. I honestly do wish it was black and white. Like I wish there was just all attraction one way and not the other way. But do beware that sometimes our anxiety makes us feel less attracted where we normally would... It's such a double edged sword bc then the way to treat it would be to expose ourselves to what gives us anxiety but don't want to make my partner feel bad, I'll have to figure out another way to ERP But yeah I def don't know how to deal with the wasting time pressure and fear I've heard some ppl say

Username: rooty tootyrooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@0876 It's funny for me I don't really fantasize but I did want to be near him. I can imagine with a marriage it's a lot more anxiety inducing. I think your suggestion to me could probably be good in return though, if you love him and enjoy sex with him (even if anxiety gets in the way of it sometimes)! I think lgbt and ocd circles should have talks about this more... I guess they do but it's hard to get nuanced people on it

Username: spookycupcakespookycupcake

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t think it’s a waste of time that’s definitely a pressuring way for people to put it like you said. I mean nobody knows whether any relationship is gonna work out and if you’re with the person because you want to be (as opposed to using them abusing or consciously planning to not stay with them) then I don’t think you’re wasting anyone’s time because you’re genuinely trying in your relationship

Username: Nightwriter910Nightwriter910

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh, my gosh, I LITERALLY have the exact same feelings and issues! Like, 'Oh, I just looked at her and felt turned on, but I also couldn't imagine being emotionally attracted to a woman like I do with men.' Like with men, things are comfortable and nuanced. They can be my friends, more than friends. I can be myself around them, I love their sensitivity and view of the world. But with women, I'm constantly nervous, intimidated, watching every word, wondering if I'm feminine or beautiful enough. And it makes it ten times worse when romantic movies always illustrate this point that, 'Oh, if you're anxious around that person, or stare at them, or you stumble over your words, then you are obviously attracted to them, that's the only possible meaning.' And then I immediately obsess about my behavior around women and police every response I have. I worry about my connection with other women and worry I have internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia or something else. Nothing feels clear-cut or comfortable and I want love to be comfortable. I don't want to have panic attacks every time I see a woman, I want to feel feminine and belong if I meet them! 😭 I totally agree about wanting to have that nuanced discussion that takes that urgency and fear away. When I get in these panicked feelings, I want to bring myself back to reality and understand that it isn't life or death. This guy on YouTube, Mark, (he/they) has a really great channel called Notdefining, and he had SO-OCD before realizing he was Bi+, or a very fluid, changing sexuality and gender. For any fears you guys may have, this doubles as both really good advice and solid exposure with no reassurance. 😅 https://youtube.com/watch?v=9U6mnejfmxo&feature=share8 It is so comforting to know that I'm not alone and that if I talk about this stuff, I won't be ridiculed or shamed. I love you all and I know that exposure and facing your fears will lead to not only clarity, but new relationships and a life you actually want, free of pain, and free of fear. We may obsess over our desires and feelings, but despite what we think, we are good people and we will all find someone that doesn't care how much anxiety we have. Teach others, love, and trust yourself. Have a wonderful day! 💙

Username: rooty tootyrooty tooty

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

This is so sweet and thank you for giving the Mark resource. I'll give it a look, it's so good to find new resources that help with this (like alingraymond, Paulien timmer, Nathan on YouTube, etc) because everyone is good at something! Also, with women it sounds to me like it's a self comparison/being judged by women concern? I want to say it's okay even if you have moments of internalized misogyny because it sounds like you're self aware and make the effort to be open minded to both. If the reason for anxiety with women is bc of judgment that can be worked on too 💜 I'm the opposite, I found it easy to be friends with women but with men it felt like I always had to avoid them because of the idea that women and men can't be friends. How sad. Now I have male friends but it's okay if it takes us time to unlearn diff mentalities or where they came from!

Username: brhtpurple

Date posted: 4y ago

I feel like a lesbian. I feel bisexual. I feel like that’s what I want. It feels like I like the thoughts. I feel like I have to leave my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose him, but it feels like I need to leave him. I feel sick. I feel like I’m hiding it from myself and using ocd as a coverup. I don’t want to be one of those woman who find out they’re lesbians later than life. I’m afraid of being one of those woman who convince themselves they can be into men when they can’t. What if that’s me? What if I never enjoy sex with my boyfriend? I don’t enjoy it now, because every time I try to enjoy I get thoughts like, “you want him to be a woman. You’re not attracted to him. You’re not attracted to men. You need to leave him for a woman. You would enjoy sex with a woman.” I don’t want that to be true, but it feels like it secretly is. Am I denying my true sexuality? Is me thinking I have ocd just a coverup?? There’s a lot of proof for me being a lesbian that constantly haunts me. For example, I used to watch lesbian porn. But the thing that really bothers me is that I (TMI) masturbated to a picture of two cartoon characters as lesbians, videos of woman twerking, and music videos of woman. I don’t know why I did those things. It makes me feel like I would like having sex with a woman, because I liked seeing their bodies in porn and masturbated to it. I want to be with my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to lead him on. But I can’t be happy around him, because sometimes he will cause these thoughts and memories to arise. I keep seeing lesbians on tik tok and i feel like I want to be with them. I keep thing about my boyfriend and marrying him, then I get the thought, “you don’t want to be with him, you want a wife when you’re older.” I also don’t want to be homophobic. I’m afraid of that. I’m supportive of the lgbtq community, but it doesn’t feel natural for me. The thought of ME specifically being lesbian or bi doesn’t make sense to me. Or at least didn’t. Now I feel like I want it :(

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Redrose

Date posted: 1y ago

In need of queer advice!

Hello, I’m 22F. I have always had crushes on men and have dated men. I never really CARED for sex much but I would still do it. I watch lesbian porn or anything that stimulates the girl more/ what I would enjoy. I fantasize about getting with a girl/ wanting to do things with a girl because of how good it would feel. However, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Before him, I used to really like another guy. I can’t differentiate between whether I am lesbian, BI, or just straight with normal fantasies. I can’t think/ imagine myself in a relationship with a girl but I guess it wouldn’t be bad to get with a girl at the same time. Sex is just sex. However, I started having obsessive thoughts about my sexuality 2 years ago since then I’ve been diagnosed with health anxiety also. I don’t know, could it be that I’m just not that into my current boyfriend that it makes me question my sexuality? Is it it possible that he might not be so attractive to me that it makes me feel / think what if I am not straight? How can you differentiate between intrusive OCE or the reality / truth of something?? I don’t recall ever having a crush on a girl but I still see certain men and acknowledge how good looking they are and imagine being with them.

Username: 13vera

Date posted: 36w ago

pls respond

i’ve (22f) been out as bisexual for almost five years and i’ve known i love women my whole life. I’ve always still been “attracted”to men but ever since i opened myself up to women it feels very different and more comfortable, but i am worried this is just because of men-related trauma. i feel like i am lying to myself either way if i call myself bisexual or a lesbian. I have a really hard time distinguishing how i really feel from my so-ocd making me choose a label for myself. I know i love women but it really confuses me if i still like men or not. Like i said this might not even be my ocd talking, just confusion lol. but the ocd is making me obsess over figuring it out. is anyone else dealing with something like this?

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Attraction

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