- Date posted
- 1y ago
Help
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
You can't stop them, you can stop reacting to them. Trying to stop them makes it worse.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🥺 Firstly I just want to say, they are intrusive thoughts. They are things that you do not want to think. You are not defined by your thoughts, okay?? Secondly, with OCD, the intrusive thoughts will only worsen the more you try to stop them. Let the thoughts pass, let the anxiety be there, don’t react to the thought, don’t judge it as good or bad, just let it pass. This will teach your OCD that it has absolutely no power over you. It’s not condoning what the thought is saying, but it’s letting the thought be there but have zero control over you. I know it’s easier said than done, I’ve finished OCD therapy and yet I still struggle on and off with this. We’ve got this. You are not a bad person. <3
@TigerCrusty I am a bad person if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be having these thoughts and I just want to be normal and I feel like when I cry about it I’m just being manipulative towards my family and that I’m just trying to make them feel bad but I don’t want them to feel bad I just want help and I want it to stop so I don’t have these constant thoughts and false feelings taking over my own love life with people I actually want to be attracted to like guys my age and whoever I’m attracted to who’s not a ficken family member
@Caitlin2820281 You are not a bad person. No one can control their intrusive thoughts. If I have intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill someone, and it gives me anxiety, makes me upset, etc. and all I want is to stop those thoughts, that is so incredibly different from someone who genuinely wants to kill someone, who encourages those thoughts and has no remorse by it. I’m not trying to reassure you, but you are NOT a bad person. You do not want these thoughts, and you cannot control them, no matter how much your mind might try to convince you that you can. I am sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope you’re okay. Feel free to vent to me if you need to.
@Caitlin2820281 And to add, I used to struggle with the same thing. I’d have crude intrusive thoughts about family members and it made me want to hide in my room all day and it made me never want to face my family members. I’m still recovering from my OCD but I will say that things will not be like this forever. It seems hopeless in the moment but OCD is a monster that wants to convince you that you have control over things that you do not. Letting go of control is taking away the power from OCD
Holy cow, when I first developed really bad OCD, I felt like I was going to kiss my dad and brother on the lips. I flipped my s#!t. Then, while giving him a bath, I thought I was going to grab my nephew's pecker. I almost threw up with shame and disgust. LSS, don't sweat it, most of us have dealt with something comparable. Hang in there!!
First you need to understand that thoughts and actions are not the same. Thinking something and acting on in are completely different. We all have thousands of thoughts come and go every day. Some of them good, some of them funny, some of them sad and sone of them completely irrational. We can not choose which thoughts will come to our minds but we can choose how to treat these thoughts. Just because you think of somethink bad doesn't make you a bad person. Especially if this thought is giving you this much anxiety. Because deep down you know how against this thought to all your ethical and sociological values. This is the biggest trick of OCD. Attacking your values. Trying to make these thoughts go away only makes them stronger. Best thing you can do is to acknowledge the intrusive thought and then do nothing. Yes you are having and intrusive thought and yes you are experiencing great anxiety but you are choosing to ignore it. In this way your are taking back the power from these intrusive thoughts. I know it is easier said then done. And right now you may feel like it won't work and you may still feel like what if it is not OCD, what if it is real? However you feel just keep going. In fact make don't just ignore the thoughts, challenge them. Shiw them you are in charge here. You are the boss. You think about kissing your father, OK cool. So what. Welcome little thought it is good to hear you. Yes maybe i should do it. Maybe i should go kiss my father. How weird would that be, right? It would be a ridiculously funny thing to do, hahaha.
When I was half asleep today, trying to wake up, my brain kept asking me if I thought this picture of my friend was attractive, I kept replying with “ maybe, I don’t know, I really can’t tell” .. or… “ I feel like I do” “ maybe I do” “ I feel like I might” ,, and then I’m like wait she’s 13 in these pictures, I’m not sure if I was aware of it, but still, it doesn’t matter, I’m still saying it and I’m like “why am I saying this??” I generally don’t know how I feel anymore, I don’t wanna be a bad person, I just don’t understand why I think this is play to say, or feel?? Maybe because my brain is trying to justify it? It tries to justify everything wrong, so makes it feel like it so it makes it harder… I feel like a genuine bad person, because I don’t know how I feel about it, I really don’t know, I’m scared does it mean I’m a bad person? Because I don’t know how I feel about it. I asked myself if I’m genuinely attracted. And I don’t know anymore. Because I don’t know how I feel about it anymore, I feel like my brain is playing a part in it because it tries to tell me that it’s not wrong. Yes it is wrong though but it’s like no it’s not wrong, It makes me really scared. I generally feel like I’m attracted to her and that I have nothing against it and I don’t know what to do anymore., some people may argue that it’s not wrong, but I believe it’s wrong. So I have no idea why I fucking said that. I genuinely think it’s over. I don’t know if I actually am anymore. I asked myself do I actually feel attraction, because i used to go to a conclusion and say no I don’t. And actually feel that way. But now I don’t feel anything but like pain. Because I don’t want to be. At the same time I feel like I just lied and I do want to feel attraction. I just wanna explain how I feel but I can’t. All I know and what I can explain, is that when my brain was asking me these things I said “ I feel like I might maybe I do I can’t tell “ and why did I say that to a 13-year-old? Why? And why am I still saying it even after realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. I’m 16 for goodness sake. I don’t wanna think about these things. My brain is making me feel like I do and I do and I’m like I’m so confused.
Sometimes when I feel false attraction, I’ll say things out of disbelief and fear, for example, I see a kid that looks older and I feel sort attraction so I panic and say “I’m attracted” “I think he’s attractive” “he is/looks attractive” ,, “he’s attractive” ,, “he looks handsome” along those lines… I panic when I say these and my brain uses it against me… I genuinely feel like a bad person. I feel like I’m genuinely attracted now and that I’m a bad person and that I need to accept it, I’m so scared. I don’t want to be this person but when I think about it, it’s like it’s not bad to be one and I don’t freak out and it makes me worry
I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond