- Date posted
- 1y ago
Help
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
How do I stop the thoughts of false attraction towards a family member like my dad it won’t stop and I feel like such a bad and manipulative person
You can't stop them, you can stop reacting to them. Trying to stop them makes it worse.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🥺 Firstly I just want to say, they are intrusive thoughts. They are things that you do not want to think. You are not defined by your thoughts, okay?? Secondly, with OCD, the intrusive thoughts will only worsen the more you try to stop them. Let the thoughts pass, let the anxiety be there, don’t react to the thought, don’t judge it as good or bad, just let it pass. This will teach your OCD that it has absolutely no power over you. It’s not condoning what the thought is saying, but it’s letting the thought be there but have zero control over you. I know it’s easier said than done, I’ve finished OCD therapy and yet I still struggle on and off with this. We’ve got this. You are not a bad person. <3
@TigerCrusty I am a bad person if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be having these thoughts and I just want to be normal and I feel like when I cry about it I’m just being manipulative towards my family and that I’m just trying to make them feel bad but I don’t want them to feel bad I just want help and I want it to stop so I don’t have these constant thoughts and false feelings taking over my own love life with people I actually want to be attracted to like guys my age and whoever I’m attracted to who’s not a ficken family member
@Caitlin2820281 You are not a bad person. No one can control their intrusive thoughts. If I have intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill someone, and it gives me anxiety, makes me upset, etc. and all I want is to stop those thoughts, that is so incredibly different from someone who genuinely wants to kill someone, who encourages those thoughts and has no remorse by it. I’m not trying to reassure you, but you are NOT a bad person. You do not want these thoughts, and you cannot control them, no matter how much your mind might try to convince you that you can. I am sorry you’re dealing with this, and I hope you’re okay. Feel free to vent to me if you need to.
@Caitlin2820281 And to add, I used to struggle with the same thing. I’d have crude intrusive thoughts about family members and it made me want to hide in my room all day and it made me never want to face my family members. I’m still recovering from my OCD but I will say that things will not be like this forever. It seems hopeless in the moment but OCD is a monster that wants to convince you that you have control over things that you do not. Letting go of control is taking away the power from OCD
Holy cow, when I first developed really bad OCD, I felt like I was going to kiss my dad and brother on the lips. I flipped my s#!t. Then, while giving him a bath, I thought I was going to grab my nephew's pecker. I almost threw up with shame and disgust. LSS, don't sweat it, most of us have dealt with something comparable. Hang in there!!
First you need to understand that thoughts and actions are not the same. Thinking something and acting on in are completely different. We all have thousands of thoughts come and go every day. Some of them good, some of them funny, some of them sad and sone of them completely irrational. We can not choose which thoughts will come to our minds but we can choose how to treat these thoughts. Just because you think of somethink bad doesn't make you a bad person. Especially if this thought is giving you this much anxiety. Because deep down you know how against this thought to all your ethical and sociological values. This is the biggest trick of OCD. Attacking your values. Trying to make these thoughts go away only makes them stronger. Best thing you can do is to acknowledge the intrusive thought and then do nothing. Yes you are having and intrusive thought and yes you are experiencing great anxiety but you are choosing to ignore it. In this way your are taking back the power from these intrusive thoughts. I know it is easier said then done. And right now you may feel like it won't work and you may still feel like what if it is not OCD, what if it is real? However you feel just keep going. In fact make don't just ignore the thoughts, challenge them. Shiw them you are in charge here. You are the boss. You think about kissing your father, OK cool. So what. Welcome little thought it is good to hear you. Yes maybe i should do it. Maybe i should go kiss my father. How weird would that be, right? It would be a ridiculously funny thing to do, hahaha.
My OCD wants to keep switching “themes” on me, but once again it always concerns my mom or family. This time it’s sexual-related. The one I experience the most is the harm-related thoughts towards her, thinking I want to hurt her or thinking she abused me in the past (she did not) so that’s why I have these thoughts. My mind is always trying to see if there are deeper meanings to these thoughts and how I really feel. Yesterday my thoughts started going towards - “what if I’m attracted to my mom?” I was reading a book and it was a romantic scene and an image of my mom popped into my head. I tried to just dismiss it since I know we can’t control what comes into our heads, but I of course ruminated about it more and it has become a full-blown obsession. I have started wondering if I really am attracted to her or not, do I want to be in a relationship with her, am I just denying my feelings, etc. It sounds so disgusting and disturbing to share these things, but it’s difficult to disengage with this kind of thinking. Like it’s too disturbing to just let it go. Which leads to other worries like what if I can never be in a real relationship because I will just keep having these thoughts, what if this is true and how will I live with myself, what if my mom sexually abused me as a kid and that’s why I’m having these thoughts, etc. I know I’m going down the rabbit hole, but I just keep coming up with more and more “reasons.” Trying to go about my day and not pay them any attention, but it has been difficult to focus on anything else. Which then makes me wonder if I’m actually just fantasizing now and not actually obsessing.
I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
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