- Date posted
- 1y
I'm really depressed
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
We can’t change the past but we can take action in the present for a better future! Don’t be hard on yourself for past actions (I know easier said than done). I been accepting with my past saying “I might of or might of not changed my choices. But for the time being let’s focus on something else”
That's what I tried to do today. Focus on something else and that things will somehow get better. I'm also trying to bring in small habits for other things like my sleep.
@BigGyro09 Yeah we can’t control the future but we can control the present and do things we like.
Addiction is an illness. We don’t say “wow, you’re such a horrible person for having cancer.” You can recognize that you made choices you’re not proud of, but have some grace for your past self who was struggling with illness.
There's times where I'm able to be compassionate about myself for dealing with this at such a young age but other times I just can't help but feel really sad about this and be upset that this happened at all. I don't think I'm upset that I did the things I did per say. Moreso upset that I was exposed to something like this and wish that I wasn't. But the bottom line is I'm struggling with this, though I never thought of it as an illness. Not saying you're wrong about that. Thank you.
Bad things just happen around drugs. The drugs are bad things in theirselves. Once you quit and time goes by you will realise how many things just weren’t normal but also as time goes by you will come to terms with that and move on.
It's hard for me to just quit because it doesn't take away the thoughts, urges, triggers, and experiences that I've had from all of this. I don't know how to remove all of those things or at the very least, change my perspective on them.
Your life matters a lot and you changed mine in a certain way. I came here in 2021 and it was really bad. You were the first person to talk to me and help me. I don't think you remember this but I remember! That conversation changed the course of my life and I'm grateful to you! You are a good person who has gone through things you regret like everyone else in the world. You helped me (a girl who lives in another country, with another language and a different culture) so imagine how many others you have helped!? That's why I say your life is important!
Your name looks a little bit familiar. Do you remember what it is we talked about? I'm really glad I helped you with what you were struggling with all those years ago. I've been here since 2020 and I definitely agree on a lot of things changing for us. It's nice seeing you again! Thanks for talking with me again.
@BigGyro09 We talked about the moment I was going through. I had a dream that triggered my POCD and you helped me!
@Lizzie Scheav I'm glad I was able to help you! I'm assuming your POCD has greatly diminished and you've been doing a lot better! It makes me happy to know that I've helped someone with this. :)
@BigGyro09 Yes, it comes in waves I think. But you helped a lot 🤗
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
I’ve posted something vulnerable here before and I’m trying to ride out the wave of reassurance where it’s getting at me and I’m scared of sitting still with nobody to talk to about this at the moment I genuinely think it would be easier if I wasn’t around. I view my friends as pure compared to me and I’m the most impurest. I feel like this would do a favour to stop being here I don’t know what to do, I really don’t know. I’m literally alone in this and I’m getting tired. How do you deal with stupid choices that you made as a child? I’m trying to be understanding of past mistakes but it’s gut wrenching to try and accept to say and admit you did it knowing you’ll spend the rest of your life with that guilt..is there another perspective to this..???
I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone
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