- Date posted
- 1y
I'm really depressed
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
We can’t change the past but we can take action in the present for a better future! Don’t be hard on yourself for past actions (I know easier said than done). I been accepting with my past saying “I might of or might of not changed my choices. But for the time being let’s focus on something else”
That's what I tried to do today. Focus on something else and that things will somehow get better. I'm also trying to bring in small habits for other things like my sleep.
@BigGyro09 Yeah we can’t control the future but we can control the present and do things we like.
Addiction is an illness. We don’t say “wow, you’re such a horrible person for having cancer.” You can recognize that you made choices you’re not proud of, but have some grace for your past self who was struggling with illness.
There's times where I'm able to be compassionate about myself for dealing with this at such a young age but other times I just can't help but feel really sad about this and be upset that this happened at all. I don't think I'm upset that I did the things I did per say. Moreso upset that I was exposed to something like this and wish that I wasn't. But the bottom line is I'm struggling with this, though I never thought of it as an illness. Not saying you're wrong about that. Thank you.
Bad things just happen around drugs. The drugs are bad things in theirselves. Once you quit and time goes by you will realise how many things just weren’t normal but also as time goes by you will come to terms with that and move on.
It's hard for me to just quit because it doesn't take away the thoughts, urges, triggers, and experiences that I've had from all of this. I don't know how to remove all of those things or at the very least, change my perspective on them.
Your life matters a lot and you changed mine in a certain way. I came here in 2021 and it was really bad. You were the first person to talk to me and help me. I don't think you remember this but I remember! That conversation changed the course of my life and I'm grateful to you! You are a good person who has gone through things you regret like everyone else in the world. You helped me (a girl who lives in another country, with another language and a different culture) so imagine how many others you have helped!? That's why I say your life is important!
Your name looks a little bit familiar. Do you remember what it is we talked about? I'm really glad I helped you with what you were struggling with all those years ago. I've been here since 2020 and I definitely agree on a lot of things changing for us. It's nice seeing you again! Thanks for talking with me again.
@BigGyro09 We talked about the moment I was going through. I had a dream that triggered my POCD and you helped me!
@Lizzie Scheav I'm glad I was able to help you! I'm assuming your POCD has greatly diminished and you've been doing a lot better! It makes me happy to know that I've helped someone with this. :)
@BigGyro09 Yes, it comes in waves I think. But you helped a lot 🤗
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
Hey guys I just wanted to talk about something I was feeling I feel so trapped and terrible I have a bad pornography addiction even back then idk what to do I'm 17 years old but basically I looked at some very obscure things on the Internet ranging from hentai or just even more messed up things when I was younger I think maybe early teens I remember randomly just started remembering things I saw now I do not remember if I acted on them or jerked off to them idk what to do I feel so ashamed trapped I feel like I can't enjoy life anymore for what I've done I been introduced to porn when I was young idk what to do I seem alot back then some memories pop certain ones I don't remember if I had pleasured myself to it it feels like I did I have so much shame if I did but idk what to do
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
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