- Date posted
- 1y
I'm really depressed
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
I don't know what to do. I'm stuck wishing I didn't do all of the things I did related to my addiction and I just feel awful about myself
We can’t change the past but we can take action in the present for a better future! Don’t be hard on yourself for past actions (I know easier said than done). I been accepting with my past saying “I might of or might of not changed my choices. But for the time being let’s focus on something else”
That's what I tried to do today. Focus on something else and that things will somehow get better. I'm also trying to bring in small habits for other things like my sleep.
@BigGyro09 Yeah we can’t control the future but we can control the present and do things we like.
Addiction is an illness. We don’t say “wow, you’re such a horrible person for having cancer.” You can recognize that you made choices you’re not proud of, but have some grace for your past self who was struggling with illness.
There's times where I'm able to be compassionate about myself for dealing with this at such a young age but other times I just can't help but feel really sad about this and be upset that this happened at all. I don't think I'm upset that I did the things I did per say. Moreso upset that I was exposed to something like this and wish that I wasn't. But the bottom line is I'm struggling with this, though I never thought of it as an illness. Not saying you're wrong about that. Thank you.
Bad things just happen around drugs. The drugs are bad things in theirselves. Once you quit and time goes by you will realise how many things just weren’t normal but also as time goes by you will come to terms with that and move on.
It's hard for me to just quit because it doesn't take away the thoughts, urges, triggers, and experiences that I've had from all of this. I don't know how to remove all of those things or at the very least, change my perspective on them.
Your life matters a lot and you changed mine in a certain way. I came here in 2021 and it was really bad. You were the first person to talk to me and help me. I don't think you remember this but I remember! That conversation changed the course of my life and I'm grateful to you! You are a good person who has gone through things you regret like everyone else in the world. You helped me (a girl who lives in another country, with another language and a different culture) so imagine how many others you have helped!? That's why I say your life is important!
Your name looks a little bit familiar. Do you remember what it is we talked about? I'm really glad I helped you with what you were struggling with all those years ago. I've been here since 2020 and I definitely agree on a lot of things changing for us. It's nice seeing you again! Thanks for talking with me again.
@BigGyro09 We talked about the moment I was going through. I had a dream that triggered my POCD and you helped me!
@Lizzie Scheav I'm glad I was able to help you! I'm assuming your POCD has greatly diminished and you've been doing a lot better! It makes me happy to know that I've helped someone with this. :)
@BigGyro09 Yes, it comes in waves I think. But you helped a lot 🤗
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond