i did a compulsion now i feel gross

i did a compulsion by googling something because of a conversation i was having with a bunch of friends. i really need help, Because of this googling i did it triggered me by remembering my real event (what i googled recommend me other searches and it was something that reminded me of it) im still trying to get over and move on because im told its not a big deal by ny parents and my counselor but god its a big deal to me- Can i talk to someone about this? Should i? I talked to my mom about the first half of what im feeling but not the second-I know this post is vague af but im just scared atm. im having really ugly thoughts about harming myself and just ending things-

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 44w ago

don’t give in to the thoughts of harm. it feels hopeless now but i promise it’s never as bad as it feels in the moment. it’s not worth rash decisions right now. take a deep breath and try to block everything out for a moment and clear your head. revisit it when you are ready

Username: ughhhhughhhh

Date posted: 44w ago

@Anonymous i talked to my mom about it and she said im reading too much into everything i did following after googling and i just kept sayibg “what if ppl think this” “ppl are gonna think this because i googled this” and she said nothing she said nothing she says will make me feel better (shes not mad at me i asked🥲)and i feel so sad idk what to do to calm myself down

Username: lifeisworthit lifeisworthit

Date posted: 43w ago

working through compulsions is a process and a hierarchy. these are the coping mechanisms that have gotten you through this far and it’s not easy or even the goal to get rid of everything all at once. it’s a process to learn new ways of coping and it takes time and practice. let go of a little bit of guilt in knowing that :)

Username: lifeisworthit lifeisworthit

Date posted: 43w ago

also, i’m sorry you haven’t received the kind of compassion you’ve looked for in your mom or therapist. rest assured so many people care about you even if they don’t know you! i have compassion for anyone in this situation so that’s one person already. show some compassion to yourself - it’s only natural to be hurt by real events and if others don’t understand that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you for having feelings about them

Username: ughhhhughhhh

Date posted: 43w ago

@lifeisworthit thank you for this:) my mom and counselor have showed kindness towards for sure i just wish i could move on yk but thank you for your kindness none the less:)))

Username: rachelb

Date posted: 5y ago

I don’t really know how to start this honestly. It may be long winded. I’m not sure that I have OCD, I’m not trying to take away any experience from anyone but I don’t know how else to explain when I obsess and feel consumed and disturbed by thoughts like this. I’ve been good for a while, thoughts have been at bay, I haven’t googled anything either or had any bodily responses/urges. But I saw something in the news today that brought it back up and disturbed me and I’m back in that headspace again if worrying I’m a danger or a freak or gross. I’m feeling alone in this, I don’t know how to talk about it, and I don’t know how to move through it.

POCD

Username: nobody03

Date posted: 2y ago

someone please talk to me

i messed up i went on google after WEEKS of not going bc i remembered something from the past and got triggered and googled and i got even more triggered after going on Quora. I don’t know why i did i knew i shouldn’t have but i have nobody to talk to rn. i’m spiraling so bad rn i’m so triggered idk what to do. please help.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Elicambel

Date posted: 1y ago

i am feeling majorly depressed and suicidal

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ this happened 2 years ago after i was sexually assaulted, it started of an obsession for me where i was scared i would do the same thing and i was overthinking and kind of physical contact but this memory of feel like i did something wrong, my mum was coming to say goodnight to everyone and i think this was a compulsion and i put my hand spread out on the bed and i thought if she leans over she will see the hand and i remember thinking it will be okay and then i remember she leaned over and he r body actually touched my hand and i remember i froze and i don’t know why i didn’t move there was lots of thoughts racing and i thought if i was touching her private area she would of moved but she didn’t but im scared i did and i don’t know if it was just her stomach don’t know, but this has plagued me for so long i remember wanting to commit suicide after it happened and i couldn’t sleep the whole night and i was extremely distressed the the point of self harming my self, in the moment when it happened i completely froze i don’t know what happens but i know for a fact i wouldn’t of wanted to make my mum feel uncomfortable or anything and in the moment it’s like i blacked out i don’t really know it’s very difficult to explain but i told her which i know was a confession and i shouldn’t have but she said there was nothing wrong and she wouldn’t lie to me, and i remember telling her and she was completely unphased and even hugged me, but i feel absolutely broken i don’t know how i can heal from this or if i even deserve to

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i did a compulsion now i feel gross

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