- Date posted
- 1y
Bipolar depression/OCD
Does anyone else feel like they just don’t want to do anything even when they aren’t obsessing? I feel like I’m pulling teeth to move.
Does anyone else feel like they just don’t want to do anything even when they aren’t obsessing? I feel like I’m pulling teeth to move.
Yessss. I herniated two discs at my job and got denied workman’s comp so I’m stuck in my damn head all day and in a lot of pain so it’s an all day battle. I find I lay in bed a lot and then move to the couch and can’t get peace. I carry a lot of guilt and shame from my past and constant worry which is affecting my physical health now as well. I have to have back surgery and a hysterectomy and on top of having terrible mental health and loneliness it’s scary at times. It’s very hard to find any motivation so I completely understand. You’re not alone. Hugs
I'm so sorry. It's horrible having the mental health and then the physical on top. Do you have any help and support?
@Speckles Some but it’s coming to an end next Friday
@llacerda Why? What do you mean?
@Speckles My moms been living w me and is going back home
@llacerda Do you have therapist?
@Speckles I just started w one but I’ve only had one session. I can’t see her again until Friday then I’m on the calendar weekly
@llacerda Here...NOCD or another place? Are you taking anything besides Ketamine? Not sure if I asked you that
@Speckles A whole list of meds
@Speckles Somewhere else
@llacerda I’ve tried over 20 meds
@llacerda Me too.... nothing. 😔 A couple seemed to work for a few months, but that's it. Have you thought about TMS?
@Speckles Done it and ect and currently doing ketamine
@llacerda Oh wow.... none of them worked?? That really stinks. What else is there beside Ketamine?
@Speckles Nothing that I know of I’m pretty sure I’ve tried it all. My doctor wanted me to do ECT over ketamine so maybe another round of ECT or more med changes. Trying to trust in God but it’s getting hard. It’s been 4 years I’ve been going through this.
@llacerda I'm so sorry. 🙏. I don't know what to say. I thought something would help. There is a new med for bi polar called lybalvi
@Speckles Tried it
@llacerda Oh no!!! How many times of ECT did you do? I've been hospitalized a few times and don't want to go thru it again.
@Speckles Prayers for you. The more we talk about this the more I’m getting depressed so I’m not going to engage in anymore ?s.
@llacerda I get it. Feel the same way. ♥
Yes... have been feeling like it for 2 months now. Ruining my life. I have Bi Polar too. Not sure how to get out of this. Didn't shower for days.
@Speckles I’m trying ketamine and it’s not helping much. They keep changing my meds but meds haven’t seemed to help much. I’m trying to force myself to do simple house hold things and to sit up instead of lay down but my family doesn’t think I’m doing enough to get better.
@llacerda I wanted to try Ketamine. I'm so desperate. I'm thinking TMS. I've tried so many meds. I know my husband doesn't think I'm doing enough, but everyday chores seem almost impossible. Forcing myself after a nap.... in bed again. Ugh
@Speckles I completely understand. My family support is low.
@llacerda Sorry... it's so hard. People don't understand it. They are like... take a walk, do this, keep busy. It unfortunately doesn't work that way. I feel I'm really going to lose it!!
@llacerda I’m sorry. Does your family not understand? I’m fortunate to have parents that are supportive, but I feel guilt bc it wears on them.
@Everythingzen They understand ocd but not depression but want to cut me off of all reassurance
@Speckles I try to get up and do some stuff but it’s not enough for my family.
@llacerda Create a safe space for yourself to process things and if it’s not enough for your family then idk what to say maybe they should research ocd a bit more to better educate themselves on this messed up disease that I wouldn’t wish upon my worse enemy. If they won’t then realize that they are close minded and you are doing your very best and that has to be sufficient.
@llacerda I said I would do 3 things today and still didn't do them. Well, one that was wash. But that's all I did! I feel so guilty. Can you tell your family you'll do some, but can't promise it all right now?
@Speckles I typically do more than three things and they still think I’m not trying hard enough.
@llacerda Ugh.... you are doing what you can. Maybe give them info on how debilitating this can be
Just one set of treatments
Hey, I totally get how you're feeling. It sounds super tough, and you're not alone in this. 🤗 I'm not an OCD expert, especially with this theme, but I can share some resources that have been helpful for me, if that's cool with you. Have you checked out the OCD stories podcast? It's been a real eye-opener for me, hearing other people's journeys and tips. Also, my NOCD therapist recommended "unstuck OCD therapy tools" - it's this new app that gives you AI-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them. It's been a game-changer for me, maybe it could help you out too!
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
At this point I think I’m just tired. Took me a massive amount of strength to even type this. I’ve never had it this bad with anxiety depression and OCD. Firstly, how do you guys handle the trauma that comes with OCD. I recently realized Ive traumatized by own mind. I think this contributes to depression. Also, the thoughts frequency have gotten so high. It just literally jams its self in my brain. Before, I had some sort of control (at least a grip) but this days it’s so hard to try to get a grip. The unwanted feelings too? Omg, reactions that I literally can’t stand plagues me. My mind turns almost everything sexual. It’s crazy 🙃 Then the anxietyyyyyy! Wheew. I’m like a walking anxiety attack, my heart is always beating fast and it’s so painful. Working is so hard because I can’t get a grip, I feel so broken and I don’t think anyone can relate to this. I don’t know what I can do to help. Then the pressure in my head (that causes headache sometimes), sometimes I genuinely think I have a tumor! I’m pregnant so that makes it sadder, makes me wonder what kind of mother this beautiful soul is coming out here to meet. I don’t want to be a sad mother, and I cry more when I realize my child can feel what I feel rn in my belly😔. Another thing, the moment I don’t wanna do something, doesn’t even have to be anything bad. That’s when it feels my mind wants to force me to do it. It’s a whole lot and I’m just holding on to Jesus to help me out. At least he’s here so that’s comforting.
some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame
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