- Date posted
- 1y
Bipolar depression/OCD
Does anyone else feel like they just don’t want to do anything even when they aren’t obsessing? I feel like I’m pulling teeth to move.
Does anyone else feel like they just don’t want to do anything even when they aren’t obsessing? I feel like I’m pulling teeth to move.
Yessss. I herniated two discs at my job and got denied workman’s comp so I’m stuck in my damn head all day and in a lot of pain so it’s an all day battle. I find I lay in bed a lot and then move to the couch and can’t get peace. I carry a lot of guilt and shame from my past and constant worry which is affecting my physical health now as well. I have to have back surgery and a hysterectomy and on top of having terrible mental health and loneliness it’s scary at times. It’s very hard to find any motivation so I completely understand. You’re not alone. Hugs
I'm so sorry. It's horrible having the mental health and then the physical on top. Do you have any help and support?
@Speckles Some but it’s coming to an end next Friday
@llacerda Why? What do you mean?
@Speckles My moms been living w me and is going back home
@llacerda Do you have therapist?
@Speckles I just started w one but I’ve only had one session. I can’t see her again until Friday then I’m on the calendar weekly
@llacerda Here...NOCD or another place? Are you taking anything besides Ketamine? Not sure if I asked you that
@Speckles A whole list of meds
@Speckles Somewhere else
@llacerda I’ve tried over 20 meds
@llacerda Me too.... nothing. 😔 A couple seemed to work for a few months, but that's it. Have you thought about TMS?
@Speckles Done it and ect and currently doing ketamine
@llacerda Oh wow.... none of them worked?? That really stinks. What else is there beside Ketamine?
@Speckles Nothing that I know of I’m pretty sure I’ve tried it all. My doctor wanted me to do ECT over ketamine so maybe another round of ECT or more med changes. Trying to trust in God but it’s getting hard. It’s been 4 years I’ve been going through this.
@llacerda I'm so sorry. 🙏. I don't know what to say. I thought something would help. There is a new med for bi polar called lybalvi
@Speckles Tried it
@llacerda Oh no!!! How many times of ECT did you do? I've been hospitalized a few times and don't want to go thru it again.
@Speckles Prayers for you. The more we talk about this the more I’m getting depressed so I’m not going to engage in anymore ?s.
@llacerda I get it. Feel the same way. ♥
Yes... have been feeling like it for 2 months now. Ruining my life. I have Bi Polar too. Not sure how to get out of this. Didn't shower for days.
@Speckles I’m trying ketamine and it’s not helping much. They keep changing my meds but meds haven’t seemed to help much. I’m trying to force myself to do simple house hold things and to sit up instead of lay down but my family doesn’t think I’m doing enough to get better.
@llacerda I wanted to try Ketamine. I'm so desperate. I'm thinking TMS. I've tried so many meds. I know my husband doesn't think I'm doing enough, but everyday chores seem almost impossible. Forcing myself after a nap.... in bed again. Ugh
@Speckles I completely understand. My family support is low.
@llacerda Sorry... it's so hard. People don't understand it. They are like... take a walk, do this, keep busy. It unfortunately doesn't work that way. I feel I'm really going to lose it!!
@llacerda I’m sorry. Does your family not understand? I’m fortunate to have parents that are supportive, but I feel guilt bc it wears on them.
@Everythingzen They understand ocd but not depression but want to cut me off of all reassurance
@Speckles I try to get up and do some stuff but it’s not enough for my family.
@llacerda Create a safe space for yourself to process things and if it’s not enough for your family then idk what to say maybe they should research ocd a bit more to better educate themselves on this messed up disease that I wouldn’t wish upon my worse enemy. If they won’t then realize that they are close minded and you are doing your very best and that has to be sufficient.
@llacerda I said I would do 3 things today and still didn't do them. Well, one that was wash. But that's all I did! I feel so guilty. Can you tell your family you'll do some, but can't promise it all right now?
@Speckles I typically do more than three things and they still think I’m not trying hard enough.
@llacerda Ugh.... you are doing what you can. Maybe give them info on how debilitating this can be
Just one set of treatments
Hey, I totally get how you're feeling. It sounds super tough, and you're not alone in this. 🤗 I'm not an OCD expert, especially with this theme, but I can share some resources that have been helpful for me, if that's cool with you. Have you checked out the OCD stories podcast? It's been a real eye-opener for me, hearing other people's journeys and tips. Also, my NOCD therapist recommended "unstuck OCD therapy tools" - it's this new app that gives you AI-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them. It's been a game-changer for me, maybe it could help you out too!
Just wanted to jump on here and express how I have felt lately. The past 5 to 6 months have been pretty excruciating. I conquered OCD 5 years ago and for some reason, it has slipped back and took over my life again. More so the depression that came along with it. Is there anyone else out there that has returned to rock bottom where they once fully climbed themselves out of?
Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.
Does anyone feel like they are stuck in place? I haven’t done anything besides lay in bed on my phone (if I’m not at work) for almost a year now. I have the desire to go out and be a part of the world, but I feel like my body is glued to my bed. I can’t motivate myself to get out of pajamas to go anywhere, and the entire time I’m out (even just at the store) I just want to be home in bed. I mainly just DoorDash food now, when I can convince myself to eat. I’m tired.
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