My experience a year from an OCD breakdown

Hello everyone - for the first time in a long time, I decided to reopen this app. I remember this time last year I was desperately scrolling through the comments section, hoping to find a positive story. I had a debilitating breakdown last year that left me unable to work, leaving London and living with mum. Everything that made perfect sense to me suddenly stopped making sense, including my loving relationship with my boyfriend. I spent weeks having panic attacks, and then months in a deep depression until finally, I started to experience happiness again. It terrified me that my brain could work like that, but it did and I’m slowly beginning to accept this fact. Now, a year on and after ERP therapy, I can safely say that I’m in a much better place. In fact, my boyfriend and I are just fine and now living together happily. The whole experience has made me realise just how much he means to me. No feeling is final. OCD can make you think that your life is over, that you’ll always feel a certain way and that you’ll never get better - but you can. There’ll be good days and bad days, but you’ll find peace again. Dx

Relationship OCD

Username: Catlove9Catlove9

Date posted: 44w ago

I really needed to hear this. I’m at rock bottom.

Username: AnxiousPenguin33AnxiousPengu...

Date posted: 44w ago

Thank you for sharing! It means a lot to me. I'm in the beginning struggles and this community has been such a blessing, I really appreciate you.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w ago

It made me very emotional to read both of your messages - OCD can be the absolute worst and I know the pain of it all too well. If you’re not already practising ERP / in therapy, I would recommend doing so. It was life changing for me. The road to recovery can be long, but no road lasts forever. Sending love to wherever you both are in the world x

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w ago

@Anonymous P.S. I still have patches where my OCD pops up, but I’m able to recognise when it’s rearing it’s head and move on from the thoughts before they turn into obsessions.

Username: AnxiousPenguin33AnxiousPengu...

Date posted: 44w ago

I'm so glad to hear that.. I'm someone who hates to be vulnerable. I hide behind smiles and humor and hid my pain for so long. My childhood trauma manifested into OCD at a young age and the traumas of life now finally exacerbated my OCD where I'm breaking down or into panic attacks in public and i can no longer live like. I'm 33 and it's just jot OK. I'm in a dark spot, and lost my smile but this community, people like you, sharing their experiences, has truly made me find hope again. I've signed up for ERP therapy and I have a little medication help to help hold me together on the way to recovery. Thank you again for your story and your kind words!!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w ago

I’m the same - my loved ones, who find it difficult to understand my OCD, say they never know when I’m struggling. Apart from my mum and sister who have seen the very worst of it. I’m trying to be more open when I’m feeling low now, but I still find it hard. I’m so glad to hear that you’re getting help and finding ways to manage. Life is hard, life with OCD is even harder, but for me, it’s made me a more empathetic person and more aware of this world I find myself in. No feeling can be a constant state, but when I’m happy, I relish it and feel grateful for just how sweet life can be. Wishing you all the best x

Username: AnxiousPenguin33AnxiousPengu...

Date posted: 43w ago

There's a Buddhist saying 'be thankful for your suffering, for it allows you to empathize with those who have suffered ' xo

Username: Sway_04

Date posted: 24w ago

My OCD Story

Hey all, I was recently diagnosed with OCD and MDD a few months ago. I’ve been experiencing symptoms for the past 11 months though. I used to be a person who would downplay depression, reasoning that if someone is depressed, they should be able to snap out of it. This year has taught me the truth behind how debilitating mental health conditions can be. My OCD has been absolutely tearing my life apart. For the past year, I’ve been coping with excessive guilt over past and recurring mistakes, my anxiety of which has recently been causing me panic attacks and throbbing headaches. I’ve also been coping with feeling unnatural sexual attractions, to those of the same sex and to children, which contradict the values I hold at heart. At one point, even simply shaking someone’s hand would cause sexual arousal, due to my hyper-vigilance surrounding physical contact. My OCD and depression nearly led me to take my life a few months ago. There are no words to describe the amount of pain I’ve had to endure. My thoughts and feelings have been absolutely tearing my life down, bit by bit. I feel like I lost who I was, and like it’s impossible for me to know who I am. This isn’t me. Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been feeling constant sexual arousal, it’s so easily triggered now. I don’t know if it’s because of the OCD, if it’s a result of the SSRI I’m on, or if it’s just a product of me being a young adult—Or maybe a combination of all of the above, but it’s debilitating. How easily I get aroused causes me so much guilt. There is a girl in my life that I love, but it doesn’t help that I get aroused around her because of the simplest of things. It’s not what I want for us. I want to be able to hone in on my self-control. I can’t help but constantly compare who I am now to who I was just over a year ago. My happiness has suffered, and my endurance is draining. I know there is a long road of insight and recovery ahead of me, this is just the beginning. If there’s anyone who can relate to me in any way, feel free to let me know. Comfort begins with feeling understood.

Username: marcygirl23

Date posted: 22w ago

My story! Please give advice

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

Username: AmandaB345

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w ago

Read this for encouragement

Hi all!! It's been a while since I've been on here and I just want to say everybody can do this. When I was diagnosed with ocd and specifically so-ocd I thought oh lord I'm lying to myself and my sexuality. No! I've always been straight and will be!! Anyway, what I have learned is to let thought be a thought (that is harder than it seems). But if you try to not force the thought and let it leave when you want and show the thoughts that you are unbothered things will become easier. But today I have the realization that I no longer have the urge to figure it out because I do know who I am and that these thoughts are not of me. I no longer feel like I am lying to myself and I feel more and more like my old self. Anyway, if you have read all the way here just know you got this I'm proud and I feel myself beating ocd every day. You will have your down days and that's ok just get back up and keep moving forward. Love you all❤️

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My experience a year from an OCD breakdown

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