Obsessing over being sabotaged again

I’m worried about my suicidal thoughts that come up from time to time. Sometimes I’m fine and I talk myself through things but other times I’m obsessing about things I did in the past and have so much shame. The worst case scenarios and fears I come up with in my head feel so real and I just want to die after thinking about it coming true. One memory I’m stuck on is when my friend told me to try a sugar daddy site 3 years ago. I was used and taken advantage of. I got drunk and went into a bar basement and gave the man oral sex. I felt horrible and it was humiliating and degrading. He ghosted me after that and found me again on Instagram months later. He said “remember me? You really enjoyed it.” And then when I called him out he said “you drive a Benz. Why would I pay you. Bye hoe”. My OCD tells me maybe he secretly taped me and I’ve gone viral, or he will ruin my reputation even though it was 3 years ago. Or no man will want me because of my past. I was in a low place and got taken advantage of. I have a police report against him but because i consented the police said nothing can be done. He is 17 years older than me and after I googled him I found out he defrauded investors for hundred of thousands of dollars and is known for scamming people. I don’t even want to stay in New York anymore I just want to run away. I can’t handle the shame and the intrusive memories.

I feel like no one at my job really likes me. I pitched a movie screening idea in a group chat and still got no responses at all. It’s a movie that I thought resonates with what we stand for. I want to quit. I told my mom about it but she said I can’t just quit every job that doesn’t make me feel comfortable. It makes sense. I just feel out of place. I already screwed up because I would at times, not show up to a few events. I wouldn’t show up at times or leave early because I felt overshadowed by a coworker and it probably wasn’t her fault but in my head, I kept trying to avoid her and avoid that negative feeling of hating myself even more. It started when I assumed she was flirting with my bf which made me feel intimidated and anxious around her. I ended up overdosing because of it. I kept having images in my head of bf and her together and it would break me. I would end up making myself smaller and crying. Me and this girl also seem to have some unknown beef with each other. I also don’t know if this is in my head but I noticed some passive aggressive behavior and it fucks with my head. I would leave events early because she was there, would steal the show and it would stupidly make me feel unworthy and invisible. I just have past experiences in relationships where similar stuff happened. I got called out for leaving early and told by an employer I’m not really doing my job because I flake. I work for a center on my college campus and would pitch ideas for events and post on our social media page, but, never really stick around at events due to feeling uncomfortable around the girl. I end up crying internally then I leave early to cry more. It’s ridiculous. So, I think they all just dislike me because of it. I can’t tell them why I act like that. I’m seeing a therapist and she told me this girl isn’t a big scary bear. I’ve applied to many places so far and have yet to hear from some of them. I want a new job.

Hello, I'm new here. I went through a really intense and traumatic breakup about a year ago and I'm currently working with my university for a SA/Title IX case against him as he was abusive in varying ways and very manipulative. I have the need to check and search the parking lots, the spaces around me, etc.. for him and his very distinct car frequently. It's been getting a lot better as I'm seeking therapy and back on medications. But some days I still have frequent urges to check, I feel like if I don't check, then something bad is going to happen. Aka, I'll run into him, and I fear he'll hurt me or say something to purposefully distress me. I get incredibly nauseous, panicked, obsessive overthinking if I don't which doesn't allow me to be present and learn in classes. Something that has helped me cope is having headphones and sticking to a strict routine and limiting my time on campus.