I've tried accepting being BI. But even THATS not good enough for my ocd. Its telling me that I don't actually love my bf, the one I've been with for almost 4 years now... I feel so numb today, I don't want to ever lose him. I want our romantic spark we have, not for him to just be platonic or whatever. Somehow it convinces me that I'd be better off with a woman :(
I remember at the start of my most recent/ongoing OCD flare up that I tried comforting myself with the thought that maybe I’m bi, that way my love for my wife isn’t a lie, but that only ended up being temporary relief. OCD is just never satisfied with an answer
It sounds like you care a lot about your boyfriend and don't want to lose him, if you didn't love your boyfriend you wouldn't be this stressed about losing him. The gender of your partner doesn't matter in this situation, a man you love and care for is better than just any woman, or even any person.
I can totally relate to what you are going through. You're not alone. I'm happily married to my hubby. And I used to really struggle with this theme. It went away, but every now and then pops up. For me, my fear isn't so much being gay, but more so being bi. Because I know I love men and want to be with my hubby more than anything, but then I have that question, how do I know I'm not bi? How do I know I don't have another side to me ? What if I went that way instead?" It's scary because I think the root of this is me fearing I'll lose my husband.
I have that same fear of being bi, but I don't have a girlfriend so I don't know what the root of my fear is, I think it might be the idea that I wound be with a woman
I think accepting that you are bi can be a compulsion. Unfortunately You can’t accept that you are bi and expect ocd to leave you alone. You have to accept that you MAY be bi. That’s what makes it so hard, you have to learn to accept the uncertainty bc that’s what it’s really about. I’m having a really bad flare up with my so ocd too right now and struggling with uncertainty and doubts. Hopefully it will get better for both or us :)
I totally agree with you
The worst part is it feels real THIS time! 😭
We all say that everytime "Oh the last time? That wasn't real I'm not dealing with that now, but THIS time? THIS time it feels real"
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
struggling with this theme currently. i am worried that i am secretly a lesbian and i am just leading my boyfriend on because i like his attention. i don't think this is actually true as i do truly love my boyfriend, but i'm worried anyways. my ocd is making me question if my love for him is romantic or just platonic.
Today it feels super real and that my whole entire life is a lie. Like I'm only staying with my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him and one day i'm going to give up and have to forget my previous straight self. Oh the misery....if any woman have recovered from so-ocd please give me some insights. Bisexual I can for sure handle but never liking men again or not getting to be with my boyfriend actually feels like a death sentence.
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