S*x and rocd

So my new current theme is relationship ocd. More exclusively sex related. I feel like If I’m not completely aroused for intercourse all the time then any time I’m not “100% in the mood” having sex with my boyfriend is rape. I don’t want to try anything to get in the mood (foreplay, romance, etc.)because if I try to get in the mood it’s not for me it’s because it’s what he wants. it’s either I’m ready now or not and if I’m not 100% ready for it and we do it then it’s rape. Does anyone else have this? I have such intense anxiety around this it ruins me for days.

My rocd flared up around the time my girlfriend and i were starting the process of getting an apartment. At the start, I was very excited and so happy to be moving together. then my mind kept thinking “she’s not going to let you have any say in anything, she doesn’t want you decorating, you guys don’t like the same things” and i started to believe that, which eventually led to me saying all that. and from there on, it gradually got worse. I started having thoughts like “do i even love her? am i in love with her? having i been faking it this entire time? do i have feelings for anymore? etc” and then i would have thoughts of breaking up and i’d get so anxious. now i wake up every morning thinking “i don’t love her, i don’t want to be in a relationship with her” and i get sooooo anxious. i know i love her, i know i don’t want to break up with her, i know the apartment is something i genuinely want, i just can’t feel any of it right now. every time i think of breaking up, i try to imagine my life without her and it doesn’t seem right. i genuinely can’t imagine not being with her. my feelings and thoughts before all this were very much happy and healthy, like i was smitten but now my thoughts affect me everyday, they’re all i think about. it’s all i research, i talk about it too much to other people, the thoughts are making me feel like i’m faking everything. does anyone have tips. i just want to feel like i used to feel

so ive accepted the typical "what if i dont love my partner" part (even tho it still bothers me) but i think it stems from me not "feeling" emotions sometimes. like i dont feel super obsessed or those chest feelings when your so in love, but i KNOW that i love them. but because i dont have the physical sensations i question it so much?