Uncertainty

I need tips on how to really accept the uncertainty the ocd causes, even if it feels so bad like I might get in trouble for something , do I wanna be okay with that?

I feel like every day I try to sit with uncertainty, but it just feels never ending. Like I receive a little bit of hope and get to the top of one hill and feel like things may get better in a while, there's another hill right in front of me that feels more frightening. It's really frustrating. I know it's the nature of this disorder but ughhhhh

I don’t know how to stop this, but I feel like I physically can’t accept uncertainty about my obsession. I’m having an obsession over prayers. It’s led me to worry about praying for an inappropriate fleeting desire. Me being suicidal has led to my brain using that against me to come up with things I could pray for, like a meteor strike while I’m sleeping (because I would die, so it’s something I really wouldn’t mind). The issue, is earlier today, I might have prayed for it, but I don’t remember if I did. Most people will say it’s intrusive thoughts. It might be, but if I did it in the way I think, I’m not sure that’s the case. But I can’t remember if I did it, and I feel like I literally physically cannot accept uncertainty, no matter how hard I try