Help me. I'm having a massive panic attack from HOCD. I'm really scared and I don't know what go to do. I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like I'm actually dying

I was supposed to go to a psychiatrist today, but I went to the wrong location by accident and it had to be rescheduled. I have autism spectrum disorder as well so I don't do well with my schedule changing. I think that was the first thing that spiked my anxiety. I'm afraid that if I distract myself from the thoughts than it's a compulsion. It's turning into it's own obsession. Is it a compulsion or am I supposed to try to redirect myself to focus on something else? I'm so confused on how to handle this. I tried just letting the thoughts go and do what they want, but it makes me so depressed. I lay in bed for days or even weeks.

Just breath, when i have a panic attack, i hug my dogs or i play a game on my phone and gets my mind off of it.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Is there anything you need to talk about? Just remember slow deep breaths.

I don't know who I am anymore. I'm in love with my boyfriend regardless of whether or not I'm bisexual or a lesbian. I'm afraid that if I accept the possibility he will be taken away from me. I was doing so good today. I don't know what happened. I was so happy. I feel like someone one is shoving my head underwater lifting me back and out and then drowning me again over and over. I want to feel normal again. I want to be happy again.

I can relate to this. At this point I feel numb when it comes to hocd. Past mistakes haunt me and I see it as evidence I was bi and didn't know it all along. The best bet is to not fuel your thoughts. The more you do that the more power ocd has over you and the more real and convincing the thoughts feel. All ocd wants you to be is stuck and miserable don't allow it too. I know that is easier said than done. Are you getting any treatment for it?

You just accept that the thought is there but don't attach meaning to it. It isn't relevant but ocd makes it feel relevant if that makes any sense.

Wow hateocd , my heart is out here for you, I have a lil brother who has autism and I have ocd, I couldn’t imagine how hard it is for your, but I can tell it is really hard. First, I want to congratulate you for reaching out for help and understanding, and I know that is really hard to do when uncertainty hits you. I will encourage you to look for help as soon as possible, don’t miss the appointment next time, you got this. Man I feel you are super strong for putting yourself out here and I’m proud of you.

Ok I'm really confused. I have a big problem with perfectionism right now so even potentially doing the treatment wrong is making me panic. Funny enough one of the worst and most confusing things about the hocd is going outside and being attracted to men. It's like wait a minute this is telling me I'm absolutely a lesbian so why am I sexually attracted to guys? Now I panic when I see a dude I like too and then I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend for being attracted to other people. I'm also scared that I'm lying right now, but I know I'm not. So I'm just supposed to accept the uncertainty? I don't have to assign a label? I desperately want to put myself in a box, but none of them fit

@uzro Thank you so much. I'm actually feeling a lot better right now.