Can't move on

i’m only 15 i cant. i cant. i don’t even know if it’s real event ocd. it feels like massive weights on me. i cant live just acting like everything’s normal. like i haven’t made mistakes. if people knew the mistakes i’ve made because i didn’t know they were wrong everyone would hate me. i don’t deserve my relationship. i don’t deserve my friendships. i don’t deserve anything. i just want to cry and hold friends and my partner but i’d feel guilty because i feel like the worst person i know. i don’t know how i can just “act normal” and “leave stuff in the past” and “not confess” “move forward and focus in present “ :(

I confessed to my girlfriend about things I did in the past and I feel like she's disgusted with me and is making her upset. Any tips on how to stop confessing? This is literally hell. Every morning I wake up with anxiety and guilt and feel the need to confess something. Am I not allowed to be happy and move on from my past without feeling the need to let everyone know and them thinking I'm a freak?

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.