katia
- Date posted
- 5y
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Trash. I want to die. My HOCD started and has increasingly gotten worse. To the point where I wake up every morning with the thought "you want be with a woman instead of your boyfriend" and causes me to have constant panic attacks all day when I'm out in public ?
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
I mean I don't think I get the 'acceptance' part. Its probably just me but I keep thinking my world is gonna come crashing down if people knew what the theme of my OCD idls (hocd). I try to accept it but after 10 mins the cycle begins again...all day. I'm exhausted!
person1person1
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m trying to live with the uncertainty. It’s hard, because naturally we want answers. It’s not my major theme right now though, so it’s easier. But when it was my main theme, it was really hard.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep its all consuming but I have been lucky to have a break for about a few days where I felt like myself again & there was this relief that there was no questions, ruminations going on. But after a stressful two days, its back & I'm finding it a bit hard now. But any tips would be grateful.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to attempt to do ERP or the "acceptance" thing without professional help and guidance. I'll fall even deeper into the rabbit hole without proper support ?
person1person1
- Date posted
- 5y
I really used to struggle with hocd before I even knew I had ocd. It was in high school and I just remember that I was so scared that I liked one of my friends. I used to test myself a lot with stupid online “am I gay” tests. Over time I think I’ve Accepted that okay, maybe I am gay.... it won’t change who I am as a person. It was hard, and only recently did I start trying to accept it. Ocd is hard and very controlling if you let it take over. I am guilty of that, but it’s worth the fight.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep that's a great way of putting it. I told my brother what I'm going through & he said that's exactly what its like. Going down a road of no answers, more questions & the constant over thinking. I'm finding the only relief is walking, getting good sleep & being thankful for what I have. Still keeps popping up though but I think if you have times of relief at least that's something. Thanks for your help!
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Wait so are you gay? ^^^ or just living with the uncertainty?
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
Yep its definitely hard alright but I'd rather live with 'maybe' than with constant questions about it. Oh I don't know to be honest but I guess that's OCD.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 5y
And I find it worse at times as I'm married with kids..
Related posts
Parisx
- Date posted
- 25w
SOCD is back with vengeance
I’ll cut a long story short… SOCD/ HOCD was one of the first themes I got when I was a teenager. The first one was health but I didn’t know that was OCD at the time. Anyway, I have had SOCD for 11 years. Sometimes it leaves me alone and it feels like I’m my own self again! Don’t get me wrong it lingers but I manage. But… IT IS BACK!!! My head is telling me that I am a lesbian and that I need to just admit it. I hate it. I have a boyfriend who I love unconditionally and this has just sprung out of a dream I had -.- I don’t want to be a lesbian! The groinal responses have always been the worst. It started when I was around 16, I woke up one morning and my brain just said ‘you’re a lesbian’, as you can imagine I freaked out, panic attack and cried. Then, my brain starts looking into my childhood… well it’s had a field day. When I was around 9 my friend showed me girls kissing on YouTube and then I suppose I got addicted to it. I then used to play on Habbo and walk up to girls and say ‘kisses’ etc. my brain is now saying that this is evidence that I’m gay. I DONT WANT TO BE A LESBIAN!!! I have no issues with gay people, I just don’t want to be gay myself. Sometimes, when the thoughts come in I don’t seem to get anxious but I get groinals and that freaks me out! I just want peace. I hate this. I get so many different themes. Now it’s this one and I just want to crawl under my duvet, sleep until they’re gone but then I end up dreaming about it!!!
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 19w
Question about HOCD
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
Elliesmith
- Date posted
- 16w
Question
So with my theme of ocd, ( hocd ) I get persistent intrusive images, and thoughts. It’s not like one or two a day. Like if I’m out for the whole day they’re constant. I feel I can’t even look at a girl now without her intrusive thoughts about her or about me fancying her and even sexual intrusive thoughts.. It’s awful. It’s everywhere I look. Is this common with ocd with any themes? Like is it constant for you guys too?
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