katia
- Date posted
- 6y
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 6y
Trash. I want to die. My HOCD started and has increasingly gotten worse. To the point where I wake up every morning with the thought "you want be with a woman instead of your boyfriend" and causes me to have constant panic attacks all day when I'm out in public ?
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 6y
I mean I don't think I get the 'acceptance' part. Its probably just me but I keep thinking my world is gonna come crashing down if people knew what the theme of my OCD idls (hocd). I try to accept it but after 10 mins the cycle begins again...all day. I'm exhausted!
person1person1
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m trying to live with the uncertainty. It’s hard, because naturally we want answers. It’s not my major theme right now though, so it’s easier. But when it was my main theme, it was really hard.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep its all consuming but I have been lucky to have a break for about a few days where I felt like myself again & there was this relief that there was no questions, ruminations going on. But after a stressful two days, its back & I'm finding it a bit hard now. But any tips would be grateful.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah, I don't think I'm going to attempt to do ERP or the "acceptance" thing without professional help and guidance. I'll fall even deeper into the rabbit hole without proper support ?
person1person1
- Date posted
- 6y
I really used to struggle with hocd before I even knew I had ocd. It was in high school and I just remember that I was so scared that I liked one of my friends. I used to test myself a lot with stupid online “am I gay” tests. Over time I think I’ve Accepted that okay, maybe I am gay.... it won’t change who I am as a person. It was hard, and only recently did I start trying to accept it. Ocd is hard and very controlling if you let it take over. I am guilty of that, but it’s worth the fight.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep that's a great way of putting it. I told my brother what I'm going through & he said that's exactly what its like. Going down a road of no answers, more questions & the constant over thinking. I'm finding the only relief is walking, getting good sleep & being thankful for what I have. Still keeps popping up though but I think if you have times of relief at least that's something. Thanks for your help!
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 6y
Wait so are you gay? ^^^ or just living with the uncertainty?
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 6y
Yep its definitely hard alright but I'd rather live with 'maybe' than with constant questions about it. Oh I don't know to be honest but I guess that's OCD.
maya1090maya1090
- Date posted
- 6y
And I find it worse at times as I'm married with kids..
Related posts
confused writer
- Date posted
- 24w
How long for HOCD.? (SOOCD)
I feel I have HOCD FOR MORE THAN 10 years now. Basically all my ocd started since me and my husband started dating for real…. Will it ever go away? Will I ever be happy? Will I ever know? I don’t know… How long for you? Edit for me it’s more SO OCD cause I think I’m bisexual
user74128588493
- Date posted
- 24w
hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 11w
HOCD can anyone relate?
Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help
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