How’s HOCD with y’all ?

Trash. I want to die. My HOCD started and has increasingly gotten worse. To the point where I wake up every morning with the thought "you want be with a woman instead of your boyfriend" and causes me to have constant panic attacks all day when I'm out in public ?

I mean I don't think I get the 'acceptance' part. Its probably just me but I keep thinking my world is gonna come crashing down if people knew what the theme of my OCD idls (hocd). I try to accept it but after 10 mins the cycle begins again...all day. I'm exhausted!

I’m trying to live with the uncertainty. It’s hard, because naturally we want answers. It’s not my major theme right now though, so it’s easier. But when it was my main theme, it was really hard.

Yep its all consuming but I have been lucky to have a break for about a few days where I felt like myself again & there was this relief that there was no questions, ruminations going on. But after a stressful two days, its back & I'm finding it a bit hard now. But any tips would be grateful.

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to attempt to do ERP or the "acceptance" thing without professional help and guidance. I'll fall even deeper into the rabbit hole without proper support ?

I really used to struggle with hocd before I even knew I had ocd. It was in high school and I just remember that I was so scared that I liked one of my friends. I used to test myself a lot with stupid online “am I gay” tests. Over time I think I’ve Accepted that okay, maybe I am gay.... it won’t change who I am as a person. It was hard, and only recently did I start trying to accept it. Ocd is hard and very controlling if you let it take over. I am guilty of that, but it’s worth the fight.

Yep that's a great way of putting it. I told my brother what I'm going through & he said that's exactly what its like. Going down a road of no answers, more questions & the constant over thinking. I'm finding the only relief is walking, getting good sleep & being thankful for what I have. Still keeps popping up though but I think if you have times of relief at least that's something. Thanks for your help!

Wait so are you gay? ^^^ or just living with the uncertainty?

Yep its definitely hard alright but I'd rather live with 'maybe' than with constant questions about it. Oh I don't know to be honest but I guess that's OCD.

And I find it worse at times as I'm married with kids..