- Date posted
- 1y
Help
I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?
I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?
Have mercy on yourself, you are human and we make mistakes. You can’t expect to have a controlled behavior and be perfect. No, no one is. I’m dealing with anger issues and it’s hard because I end up feeling guilty and very I pleased with myself. But let’s remind ourselves that we are hurt. We are simply looking for a way to cope with our hurt. You have to just let it all go and accept it. You may have heard this many times before but I mean it when I say your past does not define You. It really doesn’t . Let that sink in for a minute, choosing to dwell in the past is what makes all the difference. You have to be your own cheerleader, I’m sure you already have people being hard on you and having others hurt you. So why add yourself into that list? Be strong and be merciful to yourself!!💜
Thank you it's tough
You have an illness. And you are probably deeply hurt by it. All those things I did because I was simply in pain… I try to forgive myself. But it’s not easy and not always at sight. I get it.
It is an illness, I just hate that it involved my young daughter and I feel so guilty
@Jesse1982 That’s totally understandable
@elliss2 - Thanks for the support
This is the HARDEST thing about OCD, but it also just comes with the personality type that people with OCD tend to have and that’s perfectionism. We all have things that we did or said that bother us, but what matters is what we do moving forward. If we’re actively trying to better ourselves, then the mistake we made a month ago, a year ago, or even 10 years ago doesn’t matter. What matters is what have you done to fix and help yourself to not make the same mistakes younger you did. 💜
Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.
I'm doing ERP to beat my 3.5 long POCD with groinal responses. This implies walking near kids and trying to loosen up my hyperfixation on groinal responses (not caring about what I feel there). Obviously ERP is distressing. In fact, being scared is probably a good sign in this context, because it means I'm doing my exposures correctly. However, what's much more scary is that in all of these years of OCD there were countless times when I experienced actual muscle contractions/retractions in groinal area. And I can't tell if all of those were accidents. Sure, I don't want to do it (except if I'm relaxing muscles in order to avoid groinal sensations), but was it really an accident? And that's what is destroying me. I'm actively having those feelings near poor kids, even though I always believed myself to be a good person. Now there's no turning back. And I'm turning 18 in two weeks. How can I be enthusiastic about anything when I know that my OCD turned me into an actual monster. I want to continue ERP, but I can't imagine myself living on happily even if I somehow cure OCD
As a teenager and in other ways up until age 21, I was just an absolutely horrible person. It wasn't just a one time event that I regret, it was a lifestyle. I was a hedonist and a narcissist to an unbelievable degree and didn't even realize it. I read people's stories on here related to their real events and I just feel that I've done so much worse so it fuels this feeling that I'm unredeemable. And again it's not like I just made "one mistake." I was living under such a cloud of self-delusion and non-confrontation that I couldn't even embrace that what I was doing was wrong. Something pulled me out of that one night and I was forced to confront my actions (I believe it was God) but I've been living in this hell that is obsession ever since. I'm so guilty and ashamed and I'm desperate to find redemption. I can't forgive myself and I can't understand why I was the way I was or how on earth I even covered up what I was doing from others and even from myself mentally. I would just put a veil in my mind and not even think it was an issue. It's more likely than not that I am what I fear I am, so I guess trying to unconditionally accept the possibility of being what I fear is the only real way through this. Realistically I deserve all the suffering I'm receiving but I realize I can't have that mindset if I'm to have any hope of recovery. This is unbelievably isolating and I can't talk to anyone because of the risks involved. All I can do is try to limit compulsions, try to (somehow) accept the possibility of the worst case scenario and do my best to serve others.
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